Vacation Days 5-8

Day 5 we went to the Mayan Ruins in Tulum. It was extraordinarily boring.

At least they had an ocean.

Then we got to go on a zip-line over the jungle (well, as close to a jungle as you can find in Mexico). We had to wear helmets.

Look how freakin' high up we are. If I fall, a helmet is not going to help.

We also went rappelling into this cave.

Back at the resort for dinner, we drank several of these, the official drink of La Riveria Maya.

Dinner at the steakhouse. Best food ever.

Day 6 we pretty much just hung out by the ocean.
And the pool.
And the ocean again. This made me think of Baywatch!


We also had this delicious steak for dinner. That's not blood, it's some type of sauce.

Day 7 we spent shopping in Playa del Carmen. "Why don't you like my stuff?"


We had dinner at a Japanese restarant. This guy was our chef.

Note the egg in the air.

Day 8 was our final day. We said good bye to the ocean...

And waited for the trolly to come take us to the lobby to check out. Sad.

This was by far the best vacation of my life. I wanna go back!

Give Me Back That Filet O' Fish

I can't stop laughing at this.

Yawn

Pretty low-key weekend. Friday night we went to my sister's new house to celebrate her birthday. She's come a long way from the girl who got her tongue stuck in a beer bottle!

Saturday I tried to do some intervals on the ergo, but got sick after the first set and had to take a nap. Weak.

Yesterday I took yet another nap, which resulted in me not being able to fall asleep last night until after 3:00am. Combined with the time change, I'm a tired TenT today. Fucking daylight savings time...

Still trying to get around to posting the rest of the pictures from vacation.

DIY Dog Food

We recently got a pig butchered, and since we don't eat liver I decided to make some food for Bandit.

Yummy!

Now my whole damn house smells like liver, but hopefully this will be good for him.

I still need to mix it with some rice and find a vegetable that he'll eat, but I'm pretty pleased with myself. Bandit is quite pleased with me, too!

Counterbalance

The salad is the Yin to my nuggets' Yang.

Spew - Mexico Edition

Everyone there loves the Minnesota Vikings. Many of them had tattoos, and knew the whole history of the team. Needless to say, they thought I was awesome by association.
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I think someone informed the entire Mexican population that white people find any mention of tequila to be a novelty. "You want coffee señor?" Si. "Coffee with tequila????" Hahahaha. Invariably, every white person within earshot would give a hearty guffaw. Repeat similar situations 15-20 times daily.
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I took the biggest dump of my life. It was amazing!
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Every radio station that doesn't play Mexican music plays top-40 hits from the 80's. Lots of Duran Duran and Cindy Lauper.
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I may have broken my big toe playing beach volleyball.
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I think Mexico may be considering changing their national anthem to Hey Baby by DJ Ötzi (check it here). I heard that song no less than 50 times.
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Old people on vacation are wierd as shit. Stop reliving your youth and just age gracefully!
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The exchange rate at our hotel was $1 to 14 pesos, but the beach vendors still calculated it as $1 to 10 pesos, so I would exhange my money at the hotel, then spend the pesos with the vendors for an extra 40% increase. I felt like such a high roller!
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The chaffage was severe.
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The flags near the beach were always red, indicating "No Swimming", yet there were always lifequards on duty and tons of people in the ocean.
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I got to see a middle-aged couple get saved after they swam out too far and couldn't get back to shore. The lady got dragged to the beach, then stood up and smacked her husband and stormed away, hugging the lifequard. It was awesome!
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I am not happy to be home.
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Our hotel room TV had over 200 channels, only 3 of which were in English. The rest were English shows, voiced over in Spanish. Los Simpon (The Simpsons) was great though!
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I did a yoga class on the beach. It was fun, but the class literally lasted 12 minutes. At least it was free.
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I did not get to see any drug wars. I didn't even hear about them till I got back home.
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The service was amazing everywhere we went. Better than I've ever received at even the most expensive restaurants back home. Then again, I consider PF Chang's to be expensive.
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I didn't want to come home without a good tan, so I went half a day without sunscreen. I'm still peeling.
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We were told upon check-in that if we wanted to buy Tequila (of course we do, we're white, aren't we????) we should buy it at WalMart. Eh?
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I only got sick once. There was about an 8-hour period in which I couldn't trust any farts, but other than that we were healthy as can be.

Vacation, Days 1-4

We arrived after dark, so there wasn't much to see. This was the trolly that took us to our room. The resort was huge, over 1/2 mile long, so this thing was necessary.

The next day we wandered around and checked everything out. The lobby...

The waterfall was sweet!

The gym was one of the nicest I've seen. Ever. This is only like 1/4 of it!

It also had jacuzzi's, but who wants to sit in there when it's 90 degrees out?

More wandering...

That night we went out for dinner at the Mediterranean restaurant. Probably the best food I've ever had in my life.

Check out this dessert plate!

Day 3 was spent on a snorkling excursion. We started at this inlet and went all the way out to the coral reef in the ocean. We didn't see too much, except 2 giant stingrays. The group in front of us saw a dolphin. Dicks.

This was our guide, Danny DeVito (look at him and tell me that's not the Mexican Danny DeVito!)

Then we snorkled in a "cenote".

We ended the trip at an "open cenote", which is kind of like a quarry. They had a zip-line, which was pimp.

When we got back it was time to put on our eatin' clothes...

And head to the Brazilian Restaurant. Once again...best food ever!

Day 4 was reserved for chillin'

Timmer was there. Seriously, this dude was totally the Euro-trash version of Timmer. OK, maybe a little fatter.
The hairiest man in the world was there too!

Supa-model pose!

Resort Animals

I couldn't believe the number of animals just wandering around our resort. It was really cool to see peacocks, flamingos, and parrots just wandering (or flying) around everywhere.

While not technically a live animal, the elephant-towel-thing was bad ass.
Macaw
Long-billed bird. I have no clue.
Chicken-looking things.
Peacock
Feral cat. They were all over the place.
Swan in a swamp.
Another swan.
Iguana. Look closer...
Another iguana.
From a distance I thought these were monkeys...
...but it turns out they're some sort of Mexican raccoon.
Flamingos.

They look really creepy up close.

Albino peacock

I Thought I Was Supposed To Get Fat On Vacation!

Shame

Noun. A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.

Example: I felt great shame when bringing my fake Rolex to a watch repair shop.

Resort Bike Tour

One of the daily activities at our resort was a "Bike Tour". I showed up at the appointed time the next morning to find this row of hot rides:

The chain was a bit rusty...

And so was the fork. I was afraid I'd snap the damn thing!

It also didn't fit me particularly well and it would have been nice if the shifting and rear brake had been functional, but it was fun nonetheless.

And yes, that is a threaded stem on a dual-crown fork. Tight!

Stuff I Bought In Mexico

I love buying stuff in Mexico. The quality usually leaves a bit to be desired, but the process itself is fun. I like to feel like I got a killer deal on something, even if it falls apart a week after I get back.

I bought this chess board for Max. It's made out of onyx and marble, and looks really cool.

I got myself a knock-off Rolex for about 1/100th of the price of a real one. It's actually a really good replica, but it doesn't keep time for shit, which kind of defeats the purpose of having a watch. Supposedly it has Swatch internals, so I should be able to get it repaired. Won't I feel cool...hey, can you fix my knock-off Rolex?

I know I said that Oakleys don't look good on my fat head, but they were hard to pass up for $10.

And I think they look hawt.

Kristin bought some stuff too, and we got other gift for the kids, but I didn't have the energy to take pictures of all that shit.

Full trip report coming, I dunno...tomorrow maybe.

Finally Home

Our flight home from Mexico was delayed 5 hours and the actual time in the air was 1 hour longer than scheduled. Then the computers in customs weren't working so we got to sit there for fuckin' ever.

I think I slept for about 15 minutes all night and barely stayed awake for the drive home from the airport.

Sleepy time now.

My Son The Enduro

Max worked out on the elliptical machine for over 30 minutes. I have no idea where he got that kind of endurance from!