Marty Road Race

No, I didn't race. I did, however, cruise around in Franz's Porsche and watch everyone else suffer. That's the best way to experience a road race.

This guy gets the award for perseverance. Out there by himself, in tights that are too small, all day long in the wind and cold.

Timmer and Doug in an early break

The peleton. Check out Pete on the left. He knows how to have fun in these races. Everyone else looks so serious.

Some amazing photography of the finish. Marcotte takes Doug at the line. Someone should revoke my camera privileges for this one.

Is This Heaven?

Sponsor Extravaganza

Here for your viewing pleasure is some pimp-tastic gear from some of the fantastic sponsors of the 2008 Speedfix Racing Team.

Obviously, the Tiemeyer/Cane Creek combo is has hot as it gets.


Banjo Brothers bags. Custom-embroidered, too! w00t!


I got my first ride on my new Sprint 85 wheels yesterday, and they were absolutely incredible. Want some even better news? Wheels just like this will be available for YOU to demo at the velodrome all year long!


Tufo tires. The best in the industry. 'Nuff said.


Gu Sports. Finally, a sports drink I actually enjoy drinking!


Granite City Cycle. These guys constantly go out of their way to keep me up and running. Truly a shop I can count on.


One On One Bike Studio takes care of our Twin Cities contingent.


Zubaz are back! Everyone's favorite fashion-forward pants will be re-appearing in the infield at Blaine.


What makes it even better is the fact that many of these sponsors have paid to advertise at the NSC Velodrome, so they are truly supporting track racing at a local level. This benefits everyone.

Tales of Loserdom

I severely underestimated how much people enjoy reading about me sucking at things. With that in mind, I'd like to point out some previous blog posts that many of you will get a kick out of.

• Nearly drowning in my first triathlon.
  
• Finishing DFL in the 2006 St. Cloud Crit
  
• Sucking it up in my first track race
  
• My first time gluing tubulars. Epic fail.
  
• My second "once-in-a-lifetime" surgery
  
• Ordering my skinsuit in the wrong size
  
• Being inappropriately loud
  

I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been.

Close Call

I nearly had to go into the office this morning when my Charter internet was down at home. Luckily, I got back online at the last minute, and I'm happily back in my jammies eating some Lucky Charms with the dog.

Ken Woods

The first road race I ever did was Ken Woods, in 2004 (or was it 2003? Whatever). If I didn't get dead last, I was certainly close to it.

Like most newbie racers, I was feeling pretty confident in my riding abilities. Hell, I'd owned a road bike for almost 6 months, I was practically a pro. When I got to the starting line, I noticed that I was the only one there with hairy legs and mountain bike shoes. Freaks. I'd show them.

Having very little experience drafting, I got my ass dropped almost immediately. WTF was going on? I was supposed to dominate! I fought my way back onto the pack, then was promtly dropped again. That was the last time I saw them.

It was me and some dude with a mullet off the back, and he dropped my ass on the hill. A friend who had come with me to watch the race was waiting for me at the top of the hill. "Dude, I thought you dropped out or something. They're like 10 minutes ahead of you." Thanks a lot, asshole.

Well, I figured quitting was more shameful than getting last, so I trucked on. Alone. 42 miles in just over 2 hours, and I thought I was going to perish out on the road.

Nowhere to go but up.

Weekly Spew

When I say "thank you", the proper response is not "ok".
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I don't eat 'dry' snack foods. No chips, crackers, or pretzels. I hate 'em.
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If you think something is funny, you don't have to say "OMG, that's SOOOOO funny!". Laughing will suffice.
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Today is 'Bring Your Child To Work Day' at my office. I've never seen such a bored looking group of kids. I guarantee every one of them has decided that they never want to work behind a desk.
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Do strippers have to take days off for their period?
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I saw Baby Mama on Friday night. It was pretty good, but it was missing one key ingredient: Ben Stiller.
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Booby Bobby Knight Quote: "Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win."
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I felt like a total spy last night. 007 shit.
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Just because someone is new to something does not mean their opinions should be dismissed. If we just do what we've always done nothing will ever change.

Uh, Spongebob?

I think you have a dildo on your head.

Thanks Ray

Good call on the girly drink.

Lazy Weekend

Ain't got shit to do.

Another One Bites The Dust

Isn't there a bottom bracket somewhere in the world that will last me more than 100 miles?

Why must I destroy everything I own?

Pretty Much The Greatest Day Of My Life

I don't remember the last time I got a postcard before today. Ray is boss. He also snapped a crankarm, so you know he's one bad MF'er.

One bad MF'er who sends postcards beeyotch!

Mounting Toes Straps on Dura Ace 7810 Pedals

Easy peasy. 2 small zip ties, no mods to the pedal itself. Once the strap is tight, the pedal body bears all the stress and the zip ties are relieved of duty.


Note that the double-straps have been cut in half. Only one is needed if you do it right. Plus, I can't fathom how to attach double-straps to these pedals.

Speedy Comes Through

Not only did Speedy hook me up with some bad-ass straps, but he showed me how to attach them to my Dura-Ace 7810 pedals.

Bounce Depot

This place is pretty cool. It's basically just a sea of inflatable bouncy things. A bit overpriced (a hooker would have been cheaper by the hour), but the kids enjoyed it. Unfortunately, they wouldn't let me jump.

Fixed Gear Death Trap

From Craigslist San Francisco:

Fixed Gear Death Trap
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Date: 2008-03-16, 6:33PM PDT

I'm selling a complete fixed gear. It is totally ready to ride and will probably kill you.

I pushed it into a bike shop recently to have the rear wheel trued. At the bottom of my receipt it read, 'My advice, get a new bike.' So, I am. And maybe you are too! He was reserved enough not to use the words 'death' or 'trap,' but I'm not!

The frame is probably an old Raleigh that could have been worth something. It's rattlecanned and chipping rapidly. The paint is almost completely gone where my car's bike rack grips. There are, however, parts of the bike that are still entirely painted.

Looking a little deeper, the headset is completely fucked. Unless you can ride a unicycle, you can't ride this bike with no hands. I'm expecting something terrible to happen in the headset in the next few rides that will pitch me onto the pavement. For the right price, this could be you!

Also, the pedals were never supposed to house toe cages. So, the cages are kind of ruined and inoperable. Sometimes when I'm skidding, my front foot will almost slip out and I'll get all wobbly before righting myself. During these moments, my eyes are usually plate-wide with terror. This could be your terror!

There are still front and rear brakes installed, because it was always kind of a half-assed conversion. These could definitely be removed, though. The bike shop guy even tightened up the rear brakes for me. You could be the only fixie rider in SF with fully functional rear brakes.

But the brake cables are also completely shot, so I wouldn't count on it.

The handlebar tape is falling off and one of the plugs is missing.

Also, I don't remember what kind of cranks are on it but the pedals are super long. Every now and then when you're riding they slam off the ground and get more ruined. Again, there's some aspect of terror here.

The gear ratio is 52/20. The rear tire is flat and the Presta valve is broken off.

This bike is what my brother affectionately refers to as a 'time bomb.' Why? Because there's no track hub or cog. Actually, there's a freewheel with loctite in it. So far, I've been able to learn how to ride fixed on this setup without it falling apart. But someday it will. And when it does, someone is going to get fucking screwed.

I paid $80 for it 8 months ago in Buffalo. Considering we're in San Francisco, the asking price is $350. I think that's only fair.
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50 mpg

And it's infinitely cooler than any hybrid.

Weekly Spew

I'm getting to the age when a lot of my acquaintances are starting to get divorced. It's depressing as shit.
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A double bed and a full-size bed are the same thing.
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'All Natural' bread gets old and moldy in like 3 days. More preservatives, please!
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Rock of Love II is the single greatest show on TV. Possibly ever.
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Those polygamists are absolutely bat-shit crazy. I saw a couple of the women on the news this morning, and they look and sound like drones.
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I heard the most disgusting thing in the bathroom at work this morning. I'll spare you the details, but it involves a 400+ pound dude and (I'm guess) Mexican food. I was literally gagging, and I left the bathroom without washing my hands or buttoning my pants. Desperate times...
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I have an unhealthy obsession with Q-Tips.

Hello There...You're Looking Mighty Fine

Frame: Tiemeyer Signature Custom
Fork: Reynolds Carbon Track
Weels: Cane Creek Sprint 85
Tires: Tufo S3 Pro
Crankset: Shimano Dura-Ace
Pedals: Shimano Dura-Ace 7810
Stem: Thomson X4
Bars: Easton EC90 Track
Seatpost: Thomson Elite
Saddle: Fi:zi'k Arione

Note To Self:

Must be more diligent about diaper changing.