Post-Race Wierdness

Ted and I always stop at Dairy Queen after Thursday night racing. Tonight, we saw this guy:

That's right, some guy is in DQ wearing pajama pants and no shirt at 10 pm. How fucking ghetto is that?

No shirt, no shoes, no service...and no muscle. Put your shirt on dude.

Race Report with Video

Tonight couldn't have gone better for me...kinda. I won the first two races but got 2nd in the omnium. I guess it coulda been worse...I could've had to ride the entire 50-lap points race!

Noticeably missing from the field was Timmer. Apparently he has a life outside of cycling. Who knew?

First up was an Unknown Distance Race. I hate this race because, well, I don't know the distance. The mistake I've made in the past was that I took a chance on guessing when the gun was going to go. Not this time. I stayed in 3rd-4th wheel until the gun. Currell (who will be known as "The DGC" from now on because I like the sound of it) jumped right away and I got on his wheel. We immediately pulled a good gap on the rest of the field, and I was able to come around on the home stretch to take the win by less than a wheel. That was a tough race.

I've said this before, but I love the Chariot race. My first heat was a complete cluster-fuck. I didn't have any other sprinters in my qualifying heat, so I was feeling pretty confident. My plan was to sit in on the first lap and sprint the second, trying not to use up too much energy before the finals. I don't know what the hell I did, but I ended up getting boxed in up at the rail and I had to work my ass off (coming from waaaayyyyy back) just to take 3rd.

The Chariot finals went much better, as evidenced in this video:

Thanks to The DGC for the video.

That's me winning. The video kind of speaks for itself. The DGC went hard from the gun, and I came around on the last lap. That's Ted in 3rd, making his triumphant return to the track after last week's crash.

We also have a video of the Chariot start where Ted's wheel slipped in the dropouts, but that's not nearly as exciting as seeing me win.

The last race of the night was a 50-lap points race. The schedule got switched up so this race was about 2 minutes after the Chariot finals. I cramped up after 6 laps and had to pull out. The DGC ended up winning, which gave him the omnium win. Consistency pays off! Lionel Space was winning for most of the race, but then, as if he didn't even care about my omnium victory, he ended up in 2nd.

There was some bad news...Ferris went down in the Madison. He seemed to be alright and was in decent spirits when I left, but it's never fun to see anyone crash. Especially a guy as nice as Chris. Hopefully he's back next week. After dominating the 1/2 races, he's gotta be feeling good about his performance.

Stoopid Criminals

I love St. Cloud.

Full Story.

Some half-wit stole 9 factory stereos from cars. Factory stereos! They've gotta be worth, what, a buck?

Source Control

This one's for my geeks out there.

What the hell is wrong with Source Control these days? It used to be that you just used Visual Source Safe, and you were fine. It's straight-forward, easy to use, and only occasionally corrupts your files.

If you want something really robust (or you're not using MS products for development) use IBM Rational Clearcase. Nearly impossible to teach someone to use, but it works like a dream.

There is absolutely no excuse for the use of horse-shit apps like StarTeam (don't even get me started on the Web Edition), Perforce, or whatever-the-hell-else the anti-conformist Dev Leads decide we should use.

I've spent 3 days this week fighting with StarTeam, so needless to say I'm a tad pissed off.

Triathlon Tales

A few of us got to talking about tri's last week at the track, so I thought I would relay my own story of misadventures in triathlon. I'd like to start out by saying that triathlons, like everything else I'm not good at, are stupid.

I was suffering a serious cycling burnout but wanted to remain active. I've never been fast at running anything more than 400 meters, but I figured "what the hell". I spent all winter running outside and swimming at the gym. When I first started swimming, I could barely make it the length of the pool. Simply put, I'm a sinker. I bought the book "Total Immersion" and worked diligently on my swim technique, which quickly improved. The sprint tri I had signed up for included an 800 meter swim, which I could easily accomplish in the pool. I was running ~6:30 miles, which for me was stellar. I felt that I was ready.

When race day finally came, I started to second-guess myself. 400 racers hitting the water in 3 waves. I thought to myself, "Why the hell are these hosers wearing wetsuits in the middle of summer?" Uh Oh, they know something I don't know. Also, wearing a life jacket is against the rules (I asked). They should hand out a warning with your race packet: "People will swim over you, not around you". Freaked the shit out of me. I ended up doing the elementary backstroke and sidestroke for almost the entire swim, all while hyperventilating. At one point, I tried to hang onto a bouy, but the kayak guy told me I couldn't. I told him he was responsible if I drowned, so he paddled next to me for the entirety of the race. At one point, I switched to the breast stroke and he said, "Great job, you're really moving with that one." I told him to shut the fuck up and stop patronizing me.

I think there were about 6 people who got out of the water after me, so the transition area was essentially empty when I got to my bike. I threw on my race belt and ran my bike out to the road. I knew this would be the area I excelled at, but I had no idea how many people I would pass. Lots. I had the 11th fastest bike time of the day, and by far the fastest in my age group.

Feeling like a huge stud after passing numerous overweight women and old men, I got back to the transition area and promptly fell on my face when I tried to start running. Shit. It took over a mile to get my rhythm, and all the while people were passing me, and I swear they were laughing at me. I couldn't get my heart rate up, and just went into survival mode.

I had one of the slower run times on the day, but ended up in 83rd place overall and 4th in my age group.

This was my wake-up call that I should just focus on biking, because I pretty much suck at everything else.

Never again.

Ironic Tattoos

The other night I was at a bar with Bodacious P. We were sitting by the juke box, and suddenly he started laughing. I turned to look and there was a "big" girl (this is me being nice here) with her back to us...and she had these teeny-tiny little wings tattooed on her back. They looked so incredibly out of place I just had to laugh.

What was her thought process when she got them? "OK, imagine the size of wings it would take for me to actually fly...now make them 1/64 of that size."

I was going to ask, but didn't think she'd see the irony.

Upgrades

There's been a lot of banter in blog-land regarding the track upgrade policy. Here's my take:

For those who think the upgrade policy should be more stringent...have you tried to get upgraded lately? I had omnium results of 2nd, 3rd, 1st, and 2nd before I was allowed to upgrade. After my 3rd race, other racers were constantly asking me when I was going to upgrade.

Compare that to racing on the road...I was able to obtain my upgrade simply because I finished 6th in one road race, along with a handful of mid-pack finishes. I know several roadies who've gotten their Cat 3 (or even Cat 2) upgrades with fewer races and worse results than I had. The track enforces the upgrade policy almost to a "T".

There are also some who think that simply being an experienced rider should warrant an upgrade. I got news for ya: if you're getting shelled in the 4's, you'll get shelled in the 3's. Having experienced riders in these lower Cats makes their races safer and helps lessen the learning curve for newbies. That being said, there are a few who are consistently 4th-5th place. While I think that they probably deserve to be upgraded, I don't know how to go about blurring the lines in some cases but not others.

I definitely think the absolute beginners need to utilize the development program, and should not be racing with the 4's. Race night should be Cats 1-4, with the 5's fighting it out on the Wednesday development nights. Maybe they could wear full-body armour.

Other than that, it seems to me that the current upgrade policy is working. Everyone knows EXACTLY what needs to be done to move up. There's no guessing games.

OK, moving on...

The reason I chose to start the 1/2 points race immediately following the Cat 3 race is because I was encouraged by Bob to do so. I need to be a Cat 2 in order to compete at nationals (after I win the state match sprints). There's no way in hell I'd be driving all the way down to Blaine when there's a 90% chance of rain, just on the off-chance that we'll be able to race, if I didn't need upgrade points. I'm going to try to get points anywhere I can. For those that think that was a bad move, think about it. I've ridden my bike enough that I know how to hold my line, and I know how to get the hell out of the way if I'm impeding other riders. How many times do you see riders at crits finish their race and immediate line up for the next race? I wasn't even the 1st rider off the back! If we're going to make a big deal about Cat 3's riding with the 1/2's, we should also think about downgrades for those in the 1/2's who are getting dropped before the tired 3's.

I didn't hear anyone complaining when another Cat 3 lined up with the 1/2's a few weeks ago and lapped the field.

I Love Weddings

Meet my Harley-ridin', Elvis-impersonatin', pig-farmin' Uncle Bill. He got married on Saturday.

There is nowhere in this world where you can see as much random shit as a wedding reception. They had the party outdoors at a Harley bar...and inexplicably hired a polka band to play. This, however, did not stop my panty-less cousin from flashing everyone her cooter on the dance floor. Twice.

Drunk Uncle Ron, who just loves to pick people up (literally lift them up off the ground) was in rare form. He picked me up no less than than 5 times, and also shoved a half-eaten pork sandwich into my mouth.

Uncle John gave me a delicious cigar, which was promptly stolen by a Mexican. No joke.

My cousin Emma must have been tired of watching her own baby, because she tried to send him home early with my deaf Grandpa who has absolutely no capabilities to care for a child.

My cousin Josh is a huge pimp. He had like four girls around him at all times...and there were even a couple he wasn't related to...high five!

Race Report. Weak.

Photo belligerantly stolen without permission from Ray.

I didn't get the results I wanted, but I got one hell of a workout! The evening consisted of three races that don't suit me very well, so I had to race my ass off for the minor placings I did manage to get.

The first race was a "stinger" points race. This means that only the first rider across the line gets any points, with sprints every 4 laps awarded 12,6,6,8 points, in that order (does that description make any sense?). I was planning to just go for the first sprint. I was waiting for Currell to go, and he was waiting for me. I jumped late and was positioned poorly, and came across the line in 2nd. After that it was pretty much over for me.

Next up was the Miss & Out. I decided to try to stay on the back and sprint around on every elimination lap. I have never felt so much pain on a bicycle in my entire life. After 8 sprints in 16 laps, I couldn't move my legs anymore and had to surrender. I ended up in 4th place, which is better than I've ever done in that race before. I couldn't even cool down afterwards. I had to get off my bike and lay on the ground.

Last was a 50-lap scratch race. I had been preoccupied with the crash and didn't even notice that the race was starting. The other guys were nice enough to wait for me. Thanks homies! I'm a sprinter, so I wasn't planning on making much of an imact in this race, but it went much better than expected. I was able to hang with the pack the whole race, and even put in some strong pulls on the front to help reel in breakaways. Timmer even told me after the race that I didn't suck. Great success! I ended up in 5th place. Not too shabby for a fat sprinter!

It turns out, the top 5 in the 50-lapper were allowed to race in the 1/2 60-lap points race (much to the dismay of some of the 2's!). I have no idea why this seemed like a good idea at the time. I had less than 2 minutes to recover, but my goal is to be a 2 by the end of the season, so I wanted to get a taste for their races. I convinced Currell to do it, too. I was forced to drop out after the first sprint lap because I was pretty sure I was going to pass out. I guess I'm lucky I got out when I did, because the crash came about 10 laps later.

Ted got his Cat 3 upgrade, so I'll have a teammate in the 3's once his pesky concussion clears up.

The Carnage

I think sometimes we all need a little reminder of our own mortality. Last night was that reminder.

Ted crashed hard. Someone clipped a pedal and slid down the track, taking out 3 other riders with him. Alex was able to walk away, but his bike looked to be in bad shape. Dan Wold lost some teeth. When I left, he and his mom were looking for them in the grass. Ted has a major concussion and about 10 stitches. He doesn't remember the first 30 minutes after the crash. He also wrecked his front wheel, but the rear disc appears to be OK.

Two races later, there was another crash in the 1/2 race. I have no clue what happened, but I saw BD flying through the air upside-down with Super-Rookie right next to him. Currell and Regester were also involved. Regester seemed to have a pretty significant shoulder injury, but the other three were able to rejoin the race. The crash looked really nasty, so I officially give those guys "bad ass" status for getting back on. Note: this status expires next Wednesday.

Perfect Weather

Tonight is the perfect race weather for me. Like Tom Boonen, I suffer like a pig in the heat (yes, I just compared myself to Tom Boonen, but this is the ONLY similarity). 70 degrees with very little wind...beautiful.

Now if there were any races that suited me well, I'd be golden. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

That Was Quick

It took all of 15 seconds in my business-appropriate shorts for my co-workers to notice that I have shaved legs.

"Dude, are your legs shaved?"
"Why did you shave your legs?"
"You have to shave your legs to bike?"
"Your legs look better than my wife's!" (WTF?!?!?!)

It's REALLY hard to explain to people that I'm expressing my individualism by being like everyone else.

Recall

A bunch of my son's Thomas the Tank Engine toys just got recalled:

"RC2 has determined that the surface paints on the recalled products contain lead."

Why the fuck would they use lead paint in children's toys?

Memo

We just got an e-mail reminding us about the big company picnic tomorrow. The best part?

In celebration of this event, please feel free to wear business appropriate shorts for the day.

I guess this means I can't wear the shorts where my balls hang out the bottom.

Look At My Giant Hole!

Footing got poured last week. It'll be a real house soon.

Thoughts on Doping

I'm not going to turn this into a "right or wrong" post, just some ramblings.

It occured to me while looking through the start list for the TDF that there are quite a few ex-dopers in the peleton. It made me wonder...do these guys have any long-term benefits from past doping?

I realize that things like blood transfusions and EPO are cleared from the body relatively quickly, but what about riders who used Testosterone and Growth Hormones? While they were using these, they could have gained substantial amounts of strength and transformed their bodies in ways a clean rider never could. These effects don't just go away. The riders would be able to retain at least a portion of these benefits post-doping.

So, my questions is, do they still have an advantage over someone who's ridden clean throughout their entire career? I would say "yes".

Spell With Flickr

How sweet is this? I feel like a kid, making words out of pictures. Yippee!

Sad

Kristin wanted to go for a bike ride last night, so I was pumping up our tires while she got her bike ready to go. She says, "I think I need to lower my seat."

I say, "Then lower it."

She says, "I think I need a tool."

I hand her a set of hex wrenches from 4mm-6mm.

She looks at her bike and says, "I think I need a screwdriver."

I've never before seen a bike that required a screwdriver to adjust the seatpost, so I went to see what the hell she was doing. She was working on loosening the rear reflector clamp. "Um, honey? That screw removes your reflector." (snicker snicker). Directing her attention down to the seapost clamp, "This one moves your seat."

A look of shame comes over her face, "Oh my god, don't tell anyone about this."

"OK...it's not like I'd put it on my blog or anything." Sorry!

The Good, The Bad, and The Sub-12

The Good: I got to ride for a little while before it rained. (See also: The sub-12)

The Bad: It fucking rained. Again. One damn cloud unleashed its fury before the sky cleared up and it was sunny again. Racing canceled.

The Sub-12: I went sub-12 seconds in a flying 200, bitches! 11.90 to be exact. I will see 11.5 this year.

Things I Want:

Kilt: I think this would be ideal to use for changing clothes at the track so no one has to see my junk. Skibby has like a custom towel/kilt thingy, and I'm jealous. If I had a kilt, I bet HE would be jealous of ME. Great success!

Dolan ARC: This is by far the coolest looking track frame out there, and I must have it for my own. This is next year's bike, unless I find something even cooler. Ooh look, shiny!

Heely's: These are awesome. I spend far too much time walking when I should be rolling. I must have these. As a matter of fact, I think I'll order some today. I'm so damn envious of the kids rolling around the mall...

Oh, That's Just Weakness Leaving the Body

I puked. I've never puked from working out before, but I puked last night. Ted and I did a hellacious 2-hour sprint workout that culminated in my heaving on the side of the road. For those of you who crave intimate details about things like this, it was red.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my shoes.

Intel Inside...kinda

My employer recently purchased several new laptops for the developers, all of them with Dual Core processors. The only problem is that the IT Support Staff installed a version of Windows which does not recognize the dual processor, and operates as if using a single-core processor, resulting in half the processing speed.

Now, after spending several days setting up all the software, development tools, network drives, etc., all laptops purchased in the last 6 months need to be re-imaged. Hello downtime!!!

Feeling the Effects

I'm now feeling the effects of high gas prices. My little cartons of milk that I use to make my protein shakes at work are going from 50 cents to 60 cents. It doesn't sound like much, but realistically it's a 20% increase. I guess I'm going to have to bring a gallon and keep it in the fridge. It's the principal of the thing.

Bullshit

I'm not gonna name names, but I see this as complete bullshit. I used ride with a kid (let's call him Todd) who is on a Juniors team based out of a neighboring state. His team has decided that they want go to Junior Track Nationals. "Todd" has only ridden on the track once. One fucking time. Never raced. And his team got him upgraded to Cat 2 on the track. How the fuck does that work?

We've got an incredibly hard-working group of Juniors out at Blaine who are slogging their way through the ranks just like everyone else. I wonder how they feel about this other team getting a completely free ride to the (almost) top.

What do the 1/2 guys think about having a 16-year-old kid in their race who has NEVER RACED ON THE TRACK BEFORE? Scares the shit outta me. Luckily, no one on this team rides at Blaine.

Thursday Race Recap

Aw, shit. Where to start? I felt great for my Cat 3 debut last night. I usually suffer when it's hot and humid, but yesterday was fantastic.

The first race was a 12-lap Tempo race. I don't have the ability to ride hot-laps over and over, so I took a flyer off the front right from the gun, taking the first three laps and 6 points. At that point it was over for me, and Timmer took over with Stewart on his wheel. My hope was that the group would stay together and fight it out for points, so no individuals would take too many points. That was not the case, as Timmer and Stewart took all subsequent laps. I ended up in 3rd.

After what felt like hours of watching Madison kilo's it was time for the Chariot Heats. The pace didn't start out too fast, and I was able to sprint away from the group on the second lap to qualify in 1st.

The Chariot finals were fast right out of the gate. I hung in 3rd wheel for the first lap and came around hard out of turn 2 to take the win by a good margin. I love that race, but I was dizzy as shit after it was done. I also hit a new max speed on the track during this effort, which means my training is definitely going in the right direction.

My Dad was in town from Seattle and came out to watch me race, so I skipped the final 50-lap scratch race to go hang out with him in the stands.

I haven't seen the results, but I think I ended up 2nd in the omnium behind Timmer. I'm just lucky he can't sprint or we'd all be screwed (although he did score some points in the Chariot).

I hope I can make it to the race on Saturday, it sounds like fun. My son's birthday party is this weekend, and we may have some family coming in from out of town. We shall see...

Dirty Money

I was trying to buy a pint of milk out of the vending machine at work, and it kept rejecting one of my quarters. I didn't know what to do, so I washed the quarter in the sink, and it worked. Mmmmmm...protein shake.

Unsolicited Info

Why is it that when other (casual) bikers find out you ride, they feel the need to share completely unrealistic information with you? For instance, the guy at Sam's Club talking about just cruising around at 28mph on his TT bike. Really? Doubt it, dipshit. I know the 5 people in MN who can "just cruise around" at 28mph, and you ain't one of 'em.

"I felt like I was sprinting really fast, and I looked down and was at 45 on my Mtn. Bike" No. You. Weren't. If I obviously know something about the sport, why would you try to spit that shit at me?

Maybe you should recalibrate your computer.

Lot

This is where my new house will be. They start digging on Monday.

Attitude

I was watchign the Prefontaine Classic the other day, and the two-mile was just about to start. The commentators were talking about all the favorites, specifically Alan Webb.

I'm not sure how well anyone who reads this knows running, but often there are "rabbits" in the race who are simply there to set the pace for the first 1/2 to 3/4 of the race. Sometimes the rabbits go out too fast, and the racers don't want to push that hard early in the race. That was the case here, but two runners, one of them Craig Mottram from Australia, went with the rabbits and opened up about a 30 meter gap on the field.

Craig ended up winning the race by a good margin. When asked about his victory, he said something to the effect of, "I went out hard, but at least if I had gotten beat, I would have known I got beat fair and square instead of hanging back and trying to run a tactical race. I beat a lot of runners who are stronger than me." I dig that attitude.

Best Ride of the Year

I was in an odd mood last night...really mellow, which, if you know me, is odd. I felt like going for a ride to check out the backroads around my new pad. The roads are essentially empty, so I figured I'd be OK to bring my iPod. No computer, no training, just a nice relaxing ride.

The weather was perfect, the roads were great, and I had the kind of ride that "people who just love riding" seem to wax poetic about. I didn't want it to end...I rode till dark.

Just what I needed to get me back on track (no pun intended. OK, fine. Pun intended).

Max's B-Day

Max turned 5 yesterday! Kristin had the flu, and Grandma took Addi, so it was just me and the boy child. I busted out of work early, and we went to Summerland. We went down the waterslide around 200 times. That was great fun until the meth-head family showed up. Bleeding sores, the whole works. Classy!

Max went on the Kiddie Karts, but they were too slow and he was bored. I took him on the Indy Karts, and that was much better.

We then went to the newly renovated East Side McDonald's, with the Jr. Gym. It's actually really cool. They have a bunch of games that require kids to EXCERCISE to play them. There's a bike that you have to pedal to play the 4-Wheeler game (shown above), a basketball court, Dance-Dance Revolution, and a huge climbing, uh, thing.

Really?

Who the hell would leave a tip at a drive-thru? Especially when they have just paid $5 for a cup of coffee.

Perception

On a group ride a couple weeks ago, a guy told one of my riding buddies that he had raced against me in the Apple Duathlon. He raved about what a "strong TT guy" I am. Huh? I am one of the slower time-trialists I know. Where the hell is this coming from?

Then I figured it out. This guy perceives himself to be a strong TT guy, and I beat him on the bike, thereby making me a "strong TT guy". Maybe he knows something I don't.

Buy a Camera

I like going to the gym because I like working out, but I hate going to the gym because everyone fucking stares. There could be just one other person in the entire gym, and inevitably that person will sit and fucking stare at me throughout my entire workout. This bugs the shit outta me.

Music and Lyrics

No, I'm not blogging about the most recent Drew Barrymore film.

On my way into work this morning, I heard six songs with lyrics similar to "I want it, I need it...". All referencing want vs. need. Seriously, come up with some new fucking lyrics.

Tool - Stinkfist
Saliva - Ladies and Gentlemen
Union Underground - Turn me on Mr. Deadman
Red - Breathe Into Me
Def Leppard - Animal
Static X - I'm The One

I know there are lots of others, but I found it ironic that I heard all six of these songs in a 25-minute time frame. Actually, I don't really find it ironic. I find it shitty, and it kind of pisses me off.

Not that any original music has come out in the last 5 or so years...I guess I'm just holding out hope that something worthwhile will surface. Shit. Have I become one of those guys that sits around listening to CCR bitching about how new music sucks? I don't think so...I think new music just sucks.

Catching Up

I've been away from the computer for the last several days while we were moving. Not a whole lot has been going on, but I'll attempt to get caught up here.
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Track racing was cancelled due to high winds. Weak. I have never heard of such a damn thing. Ted and I didn't find out until we were almost to the track, so we decided to ride until it started raining. We each got in a short warm-up and one flying 200 before the rain started. Lots of driving for 20 minutes on the track.
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We filled up an entire semi trailer with our house stuff. That means we have too much shit and need to purge.
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Living with the in-laws is going great. We basically have a live-in babysitter, and we get to spend the summer living on a lake. 4 months until our new house is done.
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I had to ride my road bike in tennis shoes yesterday because the battery was dead on my motorcycle. Speedplay pedals suck without cleats. Ouch.
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Max got the Rocket Rod for his birthday. It is super-cool in theory, but doesn't seem to catch any fish.
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The End

Jim Visits T-Town

Jim Bell is out in Pennsylvania on business, and went to the Lehigh Velodrome tonight. Here's the e-mail he sent me:

I'm sitting here w jack simes, bobby lee (toy united), erin hartwell, watching racing....

Lucky bastard.

In a Funk

I have had a wicked case of the blah's lately. I've been training my ass off, moving out of my house, and have been super busy at work. I'm tired.

I took tonight off from training and I grilled some steaks, drank some Brandy, went fishing with my son, and took my kayak out on the lake. I'm feeling much better now.

Goodbye Cross-Check, Hello 925

My Surly Cross-Check is currently on Ebay. Someone local should buy it, and I'll deliver for free (within Twin Cities area or St. Cloud). It is a sweet ride, but I'd rather it belong to someone who will ride it more than I do.


This is currently on back-order, but will be by new commuter. Redline 925 beeyotch (9 to 5, get it?). Fixed gear, fenders, moustache bars, cheap. Can't go wrong. I may swap out the bars for some bullhorns. Time will tell.

I have decided to keep my road bike for another year and re-evaluate next Spring. This concludes the annual bike migration.

Moving

I'm exhausted. We spent all weekend packing up our shit and moving out of our house. The hot tub and swingset were the worst. I never realized how much crap we had until I had to put it all in boxes.

It's nice to be back at work, sitting on my ass.

Best. Housewarming. Party. Ever.

Ted had a housewarming party on Friday night. With bartenders. And caterers. And a keg of Blue Moon.

It made me excited to get our new house done and have a party. With no bartenders. Or caterers. And a keg of Icehouse.

I'm a 3

Si, soy un tres!

I did not have it last night. Whatever "it" is, I had none. I couldn't get warmed up, and every time I blinked it was nearly impossible to get my eyes to open again. As race time drew nearer, I was able to psych myself up a bit, but I wasn't feeling very confident. Somehow I was able to dig deep and score enough points to get my Cat 3 upgrade.

The 10-lap scratch race played out the way it usually does, with a few failed breaks in the first 5 laps, then everyone sitting in for the final sprint. With 4 to go I put in a big, short attack to string out the field. I pulled up and got back in on 3rd wheel, right behind Dan Currell. He took off on the bell lap, and I was able to come around him on the backstretch, then he re-passed me through turns 3-4, then it was a drag race to the finish line, and I won by maybe a foot.

Next up was the Miss & Out where I continued my reign of inadequacy. I did better than last time, scoring a 7th place, but still not great. I hate that race because it's the one that's least dependent upon how strong of a rider you are. I need to work on my mental game.

Currell got upgraded before the final 40-lap scratch race, and I had to score some omnium points to get my upgrade. Ted was all pissy cuz he hadn't placed well in the earlier races, so I force-fed him an energy drink and told him to buck the fuck up. He went on to win the race. I am a great motivator. I rode the race very, very stupidly and was lucky to somehow take 3rd. I chased down every single break, wasting a ton of energy, and none of them stuck. With 2 to go, I hardly had anything left so I started doing the math, trying to figure out who I had to beat to ensure 2nd in the omnium. I got it, and I'll be racing with the 3's next week.

Bodacious P is a POS

Bodacious P has been the worst blog contributor in the history of blog contributors. He's made two posts, one about his step-dad shitting himself and one about being embarassed of me. Plus, his grammar makes him sound like a half-wit. To be honest, he's really not even THAT bodacious.

You're fired, asshole. I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

Timmer Punks Us All

Has no one else noticed this yet?

Holy Crap!

Time to start riding my bike more...

Adios!

I just sold this hog on e-bay. Next up for sale is my Cross-Check.

Dogfishin'

Ted and I went out bowfishing for dogfish with his 12-year-old son over the weekend. I didn't know what to expect, but it turned out to be one of the coolest hunting experiences I've ever had!

We started by checking some streams, but didn't see any fish. Then we hopped in the fishing boat and paddled around some shallow, weedy areas. Dogfish tend to bury themselves in the mud, but once we figured out their game, we were seeing them all over the place.

It helps that they're relatively stupid and don't always retreat when an arrow narrowly misses them, providing several opportunities for success. The water throws off the visual perception of where the fish is actually located, so we needed to aim about 12 inches lower than we thought. This was a hard concept to get through my head. It took me six attempts to get my first dogfish. Ted was the Great Dogfish Hunter, shooting the largest fish and taking only 2 tries to do it. Great success! We each came home with one fish, and we saw close to 10.

Apple Duathlon - always a bridesmaid

Saturday saw the continuation of our not-winning streak in the Apple Duathlon. My friend Ryan and I have done this race as a relay 5 years in a row, and we got second this year. Again.

Even with the crappy conditions we were able to better our time from last years' race by over 4 minutes, so I guess I have no complaints. I had the 5th fastest bike time out of 48 teams and Ryan had the 2nd fastest times on both runs. Nice! I felt strong for the first 12 miles, but had a hard time keeping my head in the race going into the headwind on the finishing stretch.

One of the relay teams had their runner go AWOL, so the mayor of Sartell stepped up to run in his stead. That is one cool-ass mayor!

Former roadie hot-shot Eric Hanson was there, and he didn't even try to fight anyone in the transition area this year. I thought that was very big of him.

Fellow Loonie Tom Manderfeld kicked my ass on the bike by almost 2 minutes. We need to get him out on the road, because he will dominate.

The overall men's winner broke the course record by over 2 minutes. That is insane. This is one of the premier duathlons in the country, with $4K in prize money split between the top three finishers, so it's not like he was at some podunk backcountry race. Like I said, that is insane.

Aerobars and Drinky

Track racing was cancelled last night due to "persistent rain". I took the opportunity to get at least one ride on my road bike with aerobars prior the Apple Duathlon. I spent almost an hour fiddling with my position before heading out to demoralize myself into a 20mph headwind. Not the ideal way to inspire confidence.

I got home and decided I wanted to get drunk. I loaded up the wife and went to Mexican Village for some Pollo Fundido and a pitcher of Margaritas.

From there we went to the Martini Bar for some girly drinks.

Then it was home to sit in the hot tub with a tall glass of Cuervo Black and Pepsi. The rest is kind of a blur and my brain feels like mush today.

More Pics

My Sis-In-Law got some awesome shots last Saturday. I should always have a photographer to take pictures of me. Any volunteers?

Warm Ups

Hey Ted, I think we got a gap

Chariot Start
Chariot Finish

Look at all that blue and gold. It's beautiful.

Random Crap

The weather made my decision about which night to race an easy one. Hopefully it clears up by tomorrow night.
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I exist! That's right, ladies and gentlemen...I am "Others to watch in the men's field" in the most recent Power Rankings. I am also bigger than Ted and Donimator (by proxy). They even spelled my last name wrong. That's how you know when you're important.

I used to think the Power Rankings were lame, but now I see that they may be onto something.
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I may also have been selected for Ray's team. I'm pretty sure he was talking about Ted, but I'm on Loon State too, so I might claim it. Plus, I'm a kid (comparitively).
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My cell phone doesn't work inside my office at work. I never realized how peaceful this would make my days.
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Less than 3 weeks until we have to move out of our house and into our "interim living arrangements" while our new house is being built. I am not stressed...yet.
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I don't really ride my road bike anymore, so I might sell it and get another track bike to use for outdoor training. I can't decide. I'm sure the day after I sell it I'll decide I need a road bike. Maybe I should keep it.

Decisions, Decisions....

I can't decide whether to go to the track on Wednesday or Thursday this week. Can't do both.

Wednesday is flying 200's, which I've really been focusing my training on. It would be nice to get some times.

Thursday is race night, and I could probably get enough points to get my Cat 3 upgrade. What to do?

Book Review

Ted loaned me "The Average American Male: A Novel" by Chad Kultgen. The is probably the most entertaining book I've ever read. Not the BEST book I've ever read, but incredibly entertaining nonetheless.

It's basically a candid, uncensored look inside this guy's head as he goes about his daily life, thinking about fucking everyone and everything. And that's pretty much it.

My wife read the first chapter and says she's lost all faith in men.

If you go here, you can actually read the first few chapters online. Check it out.

Hello Velo Pics

Unkown Distance


Chariot Prelims. Photo credits for this one go to Skinnyski.com

Hello Velo, LSC 1-2-3

Where the hell was everyone? The 4/5 field was half the size of the Thursday night race, and the 3's barely had enough bodies to run 2 heats in their sprint race.

The first race of the night was the standard 10-lap scratch race. I wasn't feeling very warmed up, so I was hanging out at the back of the pack, letting everyone else reel in the breakaway attempts. Coming into the bell lap, I was about 4 riders high, and I knew it was now or never. The group was starting to get pretty sketchy, so I went really high up over the top and realized that Ted and I had a good gap. I wasn't about to work my ass off to contest a sprint against Ted, so I held his wheel and he towed me across the line for a 1-2 finish. Alex took 3rd. Nice showing for LSC!

Next up was the Chariot prelims. I was riding for redemption, because the last time I raced a Chariot I made some tactical errors and ended up getting boxed out. I got the jump off the line and was leading on the first lap. I looked back and saw that Timmer was up at the rail. I wasn't about to wait around for him to take advantage of the banking. I hit it hard - much earlier than I wanted to - and ended up winning by a decent margin.

One energy drink later, and I was ready for the finals. Our first attempt got restarted because a guy tipped over at the start. Oops. Restart. Coming around the first turn, I'm on the outside with D. Wold trying to hold me up-track. Fuck it, time to go! I came down around the field and held on for the win. Alex was 2nd, and Ted 3rd, for another LSC 1-2-3.

The last race of the night was an "Unknown Distance". I gambled and lost...big-time. A group of about 6 of us broke off the front, with Timmer leading the charge. We were working well together, and I was praying to hear the gun. I took a chance on the bell lap coming up soon, and decided to really push the pace when I got on the front. No go. I finally got to the point where I knew that even if they rang the last lap I wouldn't have anything left to give, so I sat up. They rang the bell on the very next lap (go figure). Timmer took the win, with Alex in 2nd. I limped in somewhere around 10th place.

I got the win in the omnium, with Alex 2nd and Ted 3rd. Seems the Cat 3 field could benefit from a few more riders, and I know 3 Loonies who'd love to join 'em.

Where's the Memo?

Am I the only one who didn't know stamps now cost 41 cents? Is USPS trying to raise money to fund another cycling team, or is there another reason they feel it costs this much to mail a flippin' letter across town?

I guess I'm just bitter because all my bills got returned.

First Race Night

Overall, racing went better than expected last night, even though I kinda got screwed on the last race of the night.

The first race was a 10-lap scratch race. I'd been putting a lot of pressure on myself to win this one...I just needed to validate all the damn training I've been doing over the winter. With just over 5 laps to go, Timmer says "Let's go". When Timmer tells you it's time to go, it's fuckin' time to go! I hopped on his wheel for a few laps and was in second position coming into the final lap. I sprinted out of turn 2 and took the win. Big props to Timmer, because he essentially gifted me the win. Thanks bro.

By this time everyone was hacking shit out of their lungs. Gotta love the first race of the season!

The next race was a Miss & Out. Apparently I'm completely unable to focus on what's going on around me, because I got pulled halfway through the race. I thought there were still 2-3 guys back behind me, but I guess not! Ted ended up in second...not bad for a race he hadn't planned to do well in.

Ted and I conspired with Timmer to try to take a lap on the field in the final race of the night, a points race. Timmer led us out right after the first sprint lap, and Ted sacrificed himself to help us tag back on to the back of the pack. I heard the announcer say that we had gained 20 points by lapping the field, so I just sat in the group for the rest of the race. I did take 3rd in one sprint, while Timmer was off the front all by himself for the entire race. I figure this assured me second place in the race and a win in the omnium.

It was not to be. The officials had decided not to give us the lap, so the only points I got were for one 3rd place sprint for 5th overall in the race. The only explanation I was given was "Bob said you guys took a lap, but he was wrong, and I'm sorry if it affected your race." Shit.

I still took 3rd in the omnium, and should have enough points to upgrade to Cat 3 within the next few weeks.

Why I'm a Sprinter

Aside from the fact that it's where my natural inclination lies, there are a few reasons I prefer sprinting:

• Transparency: For the most part, I can tell what I'm up against. In distance sports, the best athletes never seem to "look like athletes". It hurts my ego to get beat by a guy who's 130 lbs and looks like he just left chess practice. Sprinting, it's generally the guy with the big legs who looks like he'd be fast.
  
• Distance: I do not like to suffer for long periods of time. I can hurt REALLY bad for a short amount of time, but I am not a long-suffering fella.
  
• Speed: I like going fast. It amuses me.
  
• Vanity: I get to lift weights as part of my cycling training. If I can be good at biking and not look like The Chicken, I'm happy.
  
• Time Commitments: My workouts are generally 45 minutes or less. With two kids and a job, this fits well into my daily life.
  
• Intensity: I'm a bit of a spaz, and I need an outlet for my energy. Giving 100% in a sprint seems to de-spaz me right quick.

Song of the Day

"Dig" by Incubus. This was "their song" at the wedding I was at on Saturday, which I thought was really cool.

Ouch

I managed to electrocute myself last night. That hurts like a bitch! I was plugging in the baby monitor, and I must have had my thumb wrapped around the plug touching one of the prongs. Zapped me but good.

Vasectomy Tips

For T3

Do not, under any circumstances, allow your general practitioner to perform your vasectomy. Ever. Seriously. Do you really want to have to go through it twice? No? Then don't let your fucking general practitioner do it!

Get a referral to the Urologist of your choice, who will then ask you if you're sure you want to do this. You say yes, and he sets up a date for surgery. Two months later you bring in a "sample", and they tell you that you have no spermazoa. Yippee! One month after that, you do it again. This time they tell you you're now considered sterile. High five!

Yes, it may cost a little more, but can you really put a price on your balls? The answer is "no".

Tampons

For Trish:

Though I have no personal experience, I do see a lot of commercials. From what I gather, the Tampax Pearl costs twice what normal tampons cost because it has a braided string. I know this because they state in their advertising that this is a feature. All tampons are rendered useless if the string cannot be used for removal, so I can see where this would be desireable. It also expands to fit, but I imagine that is a function of cotton rather than just this particular tampon.

However, for my money, I give the nod to Original Tampax Multipax. Why? 3 different absorbancies in one box: Super, Regular, and Lites. Booya!

Topic Suggestions....

It happened. I'm out of shit to write about.

I'm opening up the floor to suggestions. I will post about anything you can suggest. Want me to write a poem? Done. Want to hear my opinion on the best tampons? Sure! Wanna hear my position on the war? Shove it. I don't do politics.

Bring 'em on.

King in the Castle

I have 4 free soda coupons for the vending machines at work. Very nice!

Wedding

Miracles DO happen, because my friend Chris found someone to marry him!

Kid #2 was sick, so Kristin had to stay home. That sucks, cuz she's really cute and I wanted to show her off (Kristin that is, the kids were going to stay with my mom). Kids ruin everything! I ended up riding down to St. James with some other friends.

It's always a blast when I get together with the old crew from high school, and this was no different. I don't recall doing anything too stupid, but I very well could have.

Flying 4K's

Track Training Group

I went down to Blaine last night for some flying 4K's. Damn, I forgot how long 16 laps feels! We ended up doing five of them, and I'm still coughing shit up this morning. This is why I'm a sprinter. I didn't know I could hurt so bad riding in a little baby 84" gear.

The new wheels were awesome. Super-stiff and light as hell.

It was cool to meet and hang out with a bunch of guys I've only known by name prior to yesterday. The comaraderie makes it a lot more fun. I got started riding the track so late in the year last fall that I didn't really have much of a chance to make any contacts, but I'm hoping to change that this year.

Racing starts in a week...can't wait!

Backwards Baby

Addison picked out a new baby at the store yesterday. It wasn't until we got home that we realized that the legs had been sewn on backwards.

Props

I gotta give huge props to Luke at Granity City Cycles. He works his ass off to keep our bikes on the road and track down the random shit that I decide I need for my track bike. He also does the nicest job of gluing up tubulars I've ever seen.

Last night we went in to buy my son a new bike. They didn't have one in his size on the floor, so Luke built it up for us while we waited. The guy is just an all-around superstar.

Thanks for working your ass off in one of the most thankless jobs in cycling. We all appreciate it.

Wedding Gift

I'm going to my friend Chris's wedding next weekends, so we went to Target today to get them a gift. Since everyone seems to buy the same gifts, I always look for the items on the gift registry that no one else would ever buy. BINGO! Urine Gone, featuring a "scientific black light" (yeah, REAL scientific).

I also got them the car air fresheners they registered for. I am an awesome friend.

The Rocket is Ready

New wheels, new BB, ready to rock.

Marty Road Race

Today gave me a whole new perspective on running a race. I didn't race, I just came out to volunteer. I was in charge of organizing the corner marshals and police, and then just to fill in where I was needed. The whole day was actually quite frantic.

All the corner marshals were AWESOME...thanks to everyone for your help! We got a lot of compliments on how awesome the whole route was patrolled. Sweet!



After the second wave of volunteers showed up to replace those that were racing at 1:30, I had to drive the wheel truck for the last lap of the 1/2 race. I ended up with a Gumpy's rider named Amy in the truck with me (she was trying to catch Matt Anderson to get her dry clothes). It was bad-ass to see the race playing out from right behind the lead group. On the final climb of the day, Timmer got dropped by the group, so I yelled some words of encouragement out the window. At the crest of the hill he dug deep, caught up to the pack, and blew right by them! This got the other riders on their toes. He ended up getting 6th or so, but that guy's got some huge balls.

Doug won again, of course. Cullen also scored a huge win against a stacked 35+ field, and local guy Steve Cragle got 4th. Unfortunately there was huge crash at the end, but no one appeared to be seriously injured.

I then made a few laps of the course to make sure all the corners were covered, then went to the bar to get some brats with the Grandstay guys. It took like 40 minutes to get two brats and sodas, but it was fun to hear all the 1/2 guys talking about the different aspects of racing.

I then headed out to the feed zone to do hand-ups for a couple of our Cat 3 guys. Poor Peter had gotten dropped from the group on the tailwind section. Due to being under 18, he's forced to have a top gear of only 52x14, and he just couldn't spin fast enough to stay with the group at 45mph. I heard the story from him no less than 4 times, so it must have been true.

Some guy in the following picture tried to take one of the water bottles from me, then got pissed when I wouldn't give it to him. Dude, it's not yours...


I also stuck around to cheer on the stragglers. Those guys are hardcore. You're out of contention, it's 60 degrees and raining with a 30mph wind, and you keep going. Heroic.

In the 4's, LSC went 2-3 with Jake Cohen and John Rotach. I'm sure other did awesome today too, but I didn't see the end of all the races.

I have a whole new respect for how much work goes into organizing a race. I've volunteered at races before, but never where I was involved with the whole day. Guys like Jim Bell put in twice as much work as I did, plus they had their own races to ride. Nice work, guys.

At the end, one of the Cadets who was helping the sheriffs patrol the course thought he had lost one of his radios. He hadn't, but he was very very concerned about it. They must do some sort of ritualistic floggings when rookies lose county equipment. Hopefully it all worked out OK.

Get 'Bent

What is the deal with recumbents? Doesn't anyone realize how stupid they look riding one? It breaks my heart every time I see some baby-boomer with an 80's porn star mustache riding a 'bent with a huge fucking flag sticking up from the back.

I don't personally know anyone who owns one, but it makes me wonder how people justify these things to themselves. Is it comfort? Do they think it's cool? It's not.

Is a recumbent what you buy when you've given up on life?

Worst Grey's Anatomy Ever!

Grey's Anatomy sucked balls last night. Even worse, it sucked balls for two whole hours! It's been rumored that Kate Walsh is going to have her own spinoff show next season, and to that end, half of last night's show centered around a completely different cast of characters in a completely different location. Note to ABC: no one cares! They also made her seem like a complete psycho. Great work...now I REALLY want to watch the show :-(

WTF is wrong with TV execs? Go out on the street and ask a few people, "Hey, would you watch a show starring that baby doctor from Grey's Anatomy that no one cares about?" I would guess the answer would be a resounding "NO". Good luck. Now you've ruined two shows.

Group Ride

Tonight we had a big crew show up at Granite City Cycles to do Jim's version of a "recover ride", which consists of averaging around 20mph for 4 hours. I cut off early because my legs are KILLING me from my gym workout last night. I still won every sprint I contested. My friend Poopy got second in every single sprint. Every one. Poor little guy.