Let's Put This Thing Out Of Its Misery, Shall We?

State Match Sprints

Anyone who has seen me race lately knows that I'm merely a shell of the sprinter I used to be, having lost the speed I once had due to lack of training and other commitments.

Prior to yesterday, I had been off the bike for nearly a month. I knew my chances were slim to even make the finals, but I figured I'd try anyway. My goal was to not embarrass myself, at which I believe I succeeded.

There were 10 racers, and I ended up qualifying 4th with an 11.91. My goal was just to break 12, so I'm calling that a win.

What followed was the world's longest fucking sprint tournament in the history of sprint tournaments. Obviously this would not bode well for me, being fat and out of shape.

We did 6 races just to eliminate 2 riders. That's a lotta work.

In the first round of the quarterfinals, I was matched up against Dan Schueller. I knew he'd try to go long on me, and in the first race, he did just that. I timed my sprint perfectly and beat him by half a wheel at the line. Unfortunately, the effort of chasing him down for 2 laps absolutely destroyed me. I was throwing up in my mouth and shit. It was gross. In our second race, he jumped early again and I just let him go, opting to take the additional recovery time to get ready for the 3rd race. I drew first position, pinned Dan against the rail, and kept him there until the bell lap, then went full gas. On the homestretch, I thought I had a gap, but got the shit scared out of me when Dan pulled up alongside me and had to kick it down again to advance to the semifinals by the slimmest of margins.

In the semis, I had to race Franz first. He had qualified .6 faster than me and I knew I didn't have a chance in hell, so I raced rather half-heartedly to save my energy for the bronze-medal ride.

I raced Mike Hall for 3rd, and he had qualified less than .1 ahead of me. In our first race, he made a tactical error and I won pretty handily. At this point, I was absolutely destroyed, but feeling confident. He then proceeded to destroy me in two consecutive rides to take the final podium spot. He rode strong and deserved the win. He's been working his ass off this year and I haven't.

I was actually pretty pleased to have taken 4th, given my current condition. Sure, it would have been nice to get on the podium, but that bronze medal would have clashed with my two gold's anyway!

In all, the sprint tournament took 4 fucking hours. We then got to sit in traffic for an extra 90 minutes due to road construction, arriving home well after midnight. Today, I feel like I got hit by a truck. I ache all over and my stomach feels...funky. I need a nap.

Franz and Ferris made a spectacle out of the gold medal ride. In the first race, it was pretty much a straight-up drag race, with Ferris winning by inches on the line. In the second race, we witnessed 2 restarts. First, because Ferris clipped a pedal and slipped off the banking in turn 2, taking Franz down with him. Second, because Franz clipped out and put his food down during a trackstand. After the 2nd restart, there was nearly another crash when Ferris's front wheel rubbed Franz's rear, but he managed to stay up and we got to see another great race to the line, with Ferris taking the win, along with the gold medal.

Well done, everyone.

Furious Bandit

Isn't he precious?

My Everything Hurts

I'm so fucking sore I could hardly get out of bed this morning. My legs and ass hurt from Plyos, and my upper body hurts from the Chest/Back and Shoulders/Arms workouts. On the plus side, I've somehow managed to lose 4 pounds in 3 days.

However, I've been sleeping like shit. I would have thought that when I'm super exhausted from working out I would sleep well. Not the case. I wake up roughly 10 times each night, and feel like shit in the morning.

Maybe I'm working out too late at night. Not much I can do about that, since the only other option is to work out in the morning, and fuck if I'm getting up early. Maybe my body just needs to get used to it. Yeah, that's it.

Extreme Home Fitness.

Due to extenuating circumstances, I haven't been able to bike as much as I'd like. I'm still concerned about my health and fitness, but was having trouble getting myself motivated to work out in my basement at night.

Then Kristin convinced me to order P90X. I know you've seen all the commercials and thought, "What fucking ever". So did I. I've always pretty much believed that "those" workout programs are designed to give false hope to fatties. But, what the hell. Why not give it a shot.

When the box arrived at our door and I started reading the literature, it actually started to seem legit. You are asked to pass a "fit test" before beginning the program and, surprisingly, the bar is set relatively high.

What really sold me, though, was during the first workout where Tony Horton says, "Some of this is high-impact. I know it's not very popular right now, but if you want real results that will equate to better athletic performance, this is what you do. You train like an athlete." Or something like that.

So I'm gonna try it. Here's my "before" picture.
Not terrible, but a little soft around the edges.

I've so far been doing the program for 2 days, and I'm sore as all hell. After the Chest & Back workout, I had to lay on the floor for over 30 minutes to recover. The plyometric workout went a bit better, but I was still absolutely cooked at the end. I nearly fell down the stairs this morning when my legs gave out on me.

The workouts are truly ass-kicking.

This probably sounds like a commercial for P90X, and that's not really my intention. There are some things I don't like about the program, too.

First, Tony Horton is kind of a douche. The videos are almost hard to watch at some points. Several times I've actually said, "Fuck off" to the TV.

Also, the meal plan is nearly impossible to follow. I mean, who the hell is able to cook themselves salmon, wild rice, and green beans for lunch when they're at work? They offer some alternative options, but I mostly had to take their plan as a template and design my own using foods with similar nutritional qualities but less prep time.

Finally, the workouts go on for-fucking-ever. I mean, I know the idea behind the program is to beat you into shape, but it seems that a 90-minute yoga workout could have been accomplished in less time for similar results.

That's all I've got so far, but I will update my progress here. If nothing else, at least it gives me something to blog about.

Sandhill Cranes In My Yard