Sunday, August 31, 2008

At The Drive In

Totally not gonna get any.

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She's Scared of Large Dogs...

...but will ride a freakin' elephant. Go figure.

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Where Am I?

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Friday, August 29, 2008

Shopping Spree

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First Ride Back

I hadn't done a sprint workout in over week, so I knew yesterday would either be really good or really bad. Turns out, it was a little of both.

My first three efforts were good. Like, almost-PR good. I was feeling all pro and shit.

My fourth effort is where it all went to hell. My legs locked up and I just couldn't spin anymore. Super-weak.

I'm blaming the cold temperature and impending darkness. I'm blaming a weekend of hard living. Aw, fuck it. I'm blaming Ted. Not sure why, but I'm positive this is somehow his fault.

With the weather getting cooler, my workouts will get progressively worse until Nationals. This is where the ergo will come in handy. See, there really is a good reason to keep that stupid-looking bike in my basement!

I talked to a guy yesterday who was already starting his training for 2009. I still have a month of 2008 left, so I was wicked jealous. But then I though, it could be worse, I could be training for cyclocross.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

In The Words of Pedro Sanchez...

"Well, I don't have much to say."

I have the worst vacation hangover ever. It doesn't help that my kids hate it when I sleep and have been waking up multiple times every night.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it got me to Vegas, didn't it? If I didn't suck at gambling, I probably could have bought a whole lotta happiness (no, I'm not talking about that, pervo).

Here's what I remember from the trip:

Immediately upon landing, I realised that my ass was going to be sweaty for 4 straight days, and there would be much chaffage. I was right.

We took a shuttle to our hotel, only to learn that taking a cab would have cost half as much and taken 1/10th the time. Live and learn, I guess. Our hotel reminded me of Treasure Island Casino in Red Wing. Obnoxious colors, old people everywhere, and enough flashing lights to make me thankful I don't have epilepsy. It was beautiful.

We blew some money on blackjack, bought tickets to a show, and got ready to go out. We had to take the monorail down to the strip, which was mildly amusing. We ate at Shibuya, which sounds like a strip club but isn't. It was one of my top-3 all time meals. It was "Fucking Awesome", for lack of more culinary-esque adjectives. Also, fucking expensive. I felt like a pimp. You know, like one of those pimps.

I'd heard some phenomenal reviews of Zumanity, so we went and checked it out. Turns out, it's super-gay and was actually quite boring to the point that it was really hard to sit through. Yet I had to sit, because my feet were ripped to shit from walking around for 5 hours in dress shoes. FAIL.

Day 2 consisted almost entirely of hanging out at the adults-only pool. We didn't go because it's "topless optional", we went because the other pool was full of noisy, screaming children. If I had wanted to hang out with kids, I would have stayed in MN. We played pool volleyball for about 3 hours, all while drinking $10 beers. Then we went out for steak and hit up "Bite" at our hotel. It was the single greatest show I've ever been to (except maybe the 3rd grade Chrismas concert where I puked on stage). It was a ton of fun! Fantastic soundtrack, smokin' "rock angels", and not one hint of homoeroticism. The rest of the night is a bit of a blur, but suffice it to say that we got back to our hotel around 6:00am, and proceeded to sleep for most of the afternoon.

When we finally got up we hit up an oxygen bar, which was sweet. We then ate at McDonald's because we'd lost all our money. A couple more hours of napping and we were ready to explore. We ate at Hard Rock, then tried to check out every hotel/casino on the strip. I think we only missed a few. I was under the impression that deserts were supposed to get cold at night, but it was still hot as shit. We ended the night by going to Treasure Island to watch their "Pirate Show", which was super-lame and super-corny.

The next day we got up, went to the airport, sat on the tarmac for 2 hours, then came home.

In hindsight, I guess I had a lot to's just that none of it was particularly interesting. If you made it this must not have much going on today.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Weekly Spew - Vegas Edition

A cab driver told us that several strippers drive Lamourghini's and Ferrari's. That hardly seems fair.
Bodacious P absolutely owned the Roulette wheel.
There are fake tits everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just sayin'.
I feel like I was gone for like a month.
My body is really, really angry with me.
Nate got called a loser by a stripper. Their sole existence is based on making people feel good about themselves. FAIL!
The people of Nevada are little bitches about the weather. Our plane sat on the runway for 2 hours because of a little rain storm.
It is super hot in Vegas. Like 110 degrees. And don't give me any shit about "dry heat". Nothing on me was dry.
There is an inverse relationship between the price of a drink and the amount of alcohol that will be in it.
I couldn't believe how many parents had their kids out in the casinos with them at 3:00 AM.
I hate gambling.
I am exhausted and having trouble coming back to the real world. I need a nap.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Holy Shit

Vegas is expensive

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Friday, August 22, 2008


Yes , they're real, unlike pretty much everything else in Vegas.

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Vegas, Baby!!!

Bodacious P is ready.

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Thursday, August 21, 2008

State Match Sprints

It was about this time last year that I set my sights on the District Track Record of 11.200 in the flying 200. Last night, I finally got it with an 11.167! It was a little windy, but I've always ridden my best times out there with a tailwind on the backstretch.

Ferris qualified with a low 11.4, Ted rode an 11.55, and Tainter was at 11.6.

We started with 3-up rounds, with the winner advancing to the semifinals and the losers having to fight their way up through 2 repechage rounds. I matched up up against Andy Frye and Gabe Smith (his last name used to be Masiulis, but I changed it because no one can pronounce it). Frye jumped coming into turn 3, but I was able to react quickly and pull away for the win.

Ferris and Tainter also won their respective heats, which meant we had a nice break while we waited for Ted to win his 3-up, then a 2-up against Dan Schuller to advance to the semi's. This boded quite well for me, because it meant I got to race against someone who had just done 2 extra races.

Both my races against Ted went pretty much the same way. He led out, and I came over the top on the backstretch. His tactics

I met Tainter in the Gold Medal round, and it was a really fun race. The first round the pace was relatively slow and he was keeping me high on the track. I jumped hard coming into turn 3 and took the win. Our 2nd round was one of the single hardest races I've ever won. With two laps to go, Tainter took off. I thought he was just doing a small accelleration, so I didn't react until he had a 7-8 bike-length gap on me. I went as hard as I could and the gap slowly came down, until I was able to get into his draft a bit and came around on the homestretch. My legs were so lit up I couldn't even walk after the race!

I was feeling fast as shit last night, and it's always nice when all the hard work and training comes together at the right time.

Ferris beat Ted to take the bronze medal, and Linsey had a hell of a night, winning the womens race AND taking 3rd (unofficially) in the 4/5's.

After that came my favorite part of track racing: drinking beer and bull-shitting. We ended up over at Time Out Sports Bar, where Donimator bought us all pizza and beer. I got home around 1:00 and was OUT instantly.

It was a great night. A track record and a state championship...a man could do worse. And my ankles don't even look fat in the pictures. Great success!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Come Out And Play

State Match Sprints are tonight. Be there.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Worst Campsite Ever

Gravel road on 3 sides, no shade, no lake. I got a refund and went home.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Midwest Sprint Challenge Photos

[Photo Credits go to Andy Frye and Tom Stuart]

Dispelling The Myth

It's been brought to my attention that a lot of people think I do a million sprints every training session. That could not be further from the truth.

Yesterday, I did 6 sprints. The workout before that I did 4. The workout before that I did 4. I skipped the workout before that because I was tired.

See a patern here? Yes, I'm lazy, but that's not the point. If the quality isn't there, why do it? Why subconsciously hold back on the first 10 sprints of a workout just so I can complete some arbitrary number of efforts?

If I feel good, I do 'em all. If I'm tired, I pack up and go home. Seems to have worked out pretty well so far.

Now stop spreading rumors that I'm ambitious.

It's Funny Cuz It's True

Friday, August 15, 2008

Superman vs. Darth Vader

This video is a bit old, but I just found it. Not many people know that there's a guy in town who stands on the corner by Dairy Queen dressed as Superman. It's not just once in a while, he's ALWAYS there. He used to have a full Superman suit, but he's put on some weight in recent years and likely grew out of it. Now he's generally out there in a tank top and a cape. Sometimes he has a boom box.

Anyway, some kids decided to dress up as Darth Vader and fuck with him. They also stole his flag. Good stuff.

An Uninformed Male's Opinion of Women's All-Around Gymnastics

So I've been staying up late every night watchign the Olympics. I don't care what sport is on, it's just fun to watch.

Last night was the women's gymnastics all-around competition, and the judges were doing everything in their power to keep the American's off the podium. It was ridiculous how biased the scores were toward the Chinese girls (and I do me "girls"...they must be like 13 years old).

The same things were going on in the men's competition, but I don't care about them.

Nastia Liukin was absolutely incredible. Not only was she the most technically proficient gymnast out there, she was much more graceful and elegant than any of the others as well (yeah, I said it). As much as the judges wanted to, they could only hold her down for so long. The phrase "don't leave it up to the judges" fits here. She was just too perfect for them to find any deductions.

Yang Yilin of China could have done the running man across the balance beam and gotten a near-perfect score.

At one point one of the directors of the judges association stomped down to the judges table and said something very angrily. I can only imagine it was something like "Stop trying to weight the scores! Everyone sees what you're doing, and I do NOT want a scandal on my hands".

In other news, the British team sprint team rode a 42.95 second 3-lap effort. In the finals, Jamie Staff rode a 17.1 second opening lap to give the Brits the gold medal. Absolutely incredible.

Super Lame, Or Super Awesome?

I'm gonna go with Super Awesome.

Bike spoke LED design maker:

I kinda want this on my track bike.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Everyone, Come See How Important I Am!

Article here.

I don't really recall making those quotes, but I'm sure I would have said something like that. It's awesome that FGF is covering the events we're holding at the NSC Velodrome!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Church Dancing

I will not offer any comments on this video. I believe it speaks for itself.

I will note that it gets REALLY good at around 1:15.

Weekly Spew

The Jonas Brothers are unattractive and appear to have dull personalities, yet they're famous because Disney Channel decided they should be. Disney's pimp hand is way strong.
I'm kinda creeped out by bananas. I still eat 'em, but they're a strange fruit. Gooey stuff inside a leathery peel. Bleh.
My motivation to ride is back!
I know entirely too many people named Andrew. It's getting troublesome when I have to send an e-mail to one of them. There are 9 in my address book. Time to purge.
I'm a huge fan of women's beach volleyball. Men's, not so much.
There are some super boring sports in the Olympics, but I can't seem to stop watching them.
If it's possible, I think Caribou burnt my coffee this morning.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Midwest Sprint Challenge Recap

Turnout was a bit lighter than I had hoped, but we still had a good crew show up and everyone raced hard. Jon Fraley even came over from K-Town for the racing.
After the rain-out on Friday, we crammed 3 sessions into Saturday. It was a looooooooooooong day at the track, but it was a blast!

We started out with flying 200's and Sprint Prelims. I qualified 1st with an 11.21, and raced Ted in the first round. I kept the pace fairly high coming into the final lap, and jumped with 200m meters to go and held on for the win. I don't quite understand how the bubble-up format works, because in the second round it was a 3-up between Ted, Fraley, and I. I knew that the top two in this race got to stay in the "top" bracket, so when Fraley jumped with 1 to go, I got on his wheels and cruised across the line for 2nd. In the 3rd round I faced off against Fraley. The bubble-up format meant that no matter who won this race, we'd both be guaranteed a spot in the final 3-up of the prelims. I jumped with 1 to go, and he didn't even try to come around, so we were both able to save a bit of energy for the race which dictated our seeding for the finals to be held later in the evening (did that sentence make any sense at all?). The last race of the morning was a 3-up between Ferris, Fraley, and I. I qualified 1st, with Ferris in 2nd and Fraley taking the 3rd seed. Francis Hamre upset Ted in the final round to take the 4th seed for the finals. This meant I would face Francis in the semi's, and Ferris would face Fraley.

We then had a 2-hour break before the next session started, so we went to the NSC dorms and watched some of the olympics.

Due to light rider turnout we didn't have to do keirin prelims in the afternoon section, and instead could just skip to the finals in the evening. That meant that Team Sprint was the only race of session #2. After much whining, I convinced Tainter to show up and race the TS with us. In the prelims, we qualified fastest with a 51.xx. Not anywhere near the time we were shooting for, but still the fastest time of the day. In the finals we rode a bit better, with a 50.7. It was enough to win, but almost a full second off of our track record in the event.

Fast-forward through another 2 hours of watching the Olympics to the evening session.

We started the evening with the Sprint semi-finals. Francis had raced himself up from the 8th seed to the 4th seed. In all his races, he implemented the exact same tactic: take the front, slowly accellerate through the first 2 laps, and jump hard on the last lap. I took the front and held him in up at the rail for the first 2 laps, then jumped hard coming into the bell lap and held him off for the win. In the second race, I let him lead out and he did exactly what I knew he would, and I came around on the backstretch to take the win.

Since Fraley had prevailed over Ferris, I was to race him in the finals. He led out the first race, keeping me high on the track. With 2 to go, I started "pushing" him a bit to keep the pace higher. He jumped coming out of turn 4, and I let a small gap open up, then used it to slingshot around him, taking the win by about 4 inches. In our second race, I led out and varied the pace quite a bit. I kept a relatively high speed until the backstretch of the final lap, when I jumped hard and took the win.

Somewhere in between there we had a handicap race. I was on scratch and still had a sprint race coming up, so I didn't try very hard. Francis won that one to pull within 2 points of me in the overall omnium. Ted was 3 back, and there was a 3-way tie at 5 back. The only race left was the keirin, so everyone was gonna be going balls-out.

I drew the #7 position, of course. I jumped hard off the line and was able to get into 2nd position behind Ted. I was sweeping the track quite a bit to ensure my position, much to the dismay of everyone behind me. Hey, it's what I do! When the motor pulled off, the riders behind me started to swarm a bit, so I yelled at Ted to speed up. Repeat this 3-4 more times until we came into the final lap. I took over the lead with 200m to go and held on till the line, towing Ferris and Francis with me. That was the toughest race of the night for sure!

I don't think I've ever been so tired after a day of racing, but I have a lot of things to be pleased about. I won some cash, my sprinting tactics are greatly improved, and I got to spend a full day racing my bicycle. A man could do worse.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

More Results

I'll try to d a full write-up soon, but I'm tired.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Team Sprint Results

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Friday, August 08, 2008

Midwest Sprints: Rainout

All events will be held tomorrow.

Session 1 is at 10 am
Session 2 is at 2:30 pm
Session 3 is at 6:30 pm

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Midwest Sprint Challenge Starts Tonight!

Race flyer can be found here.

If anyone is on the fence about attending...DO IT! Sprinting is a lot of fun, and it's a great way to beat some fitness into your body as well.

Tonight is just team sprint and keirin qualifiers. Should be a relatively short night of racing. Ted, Tainter, and I have a goal time in mind for the team sprint, but I'm not gonna tell you what it is.

I had a small scare yesterday when I rolled my ankle and heard a big POP. It swelled up a bit and hurt pretty bad, but it feels OK when I ride. I just have to make sure I don't do any twisting, which shouldn't be a problem with fixed cleats and toe straps.

Tomorrow morning we have the flying 200's and sprint heats. It's been realitively cool in the mornings lately, which could possibly lead to slower than normal times, but we'll see how it plays out.

I'm not particularly excited about the bubble-up sprinting format, but it's a good way to get practice sprinting against riders of your own level.

Tomorrow night is the finals for Sprints, Keirin, and Handicap. With all those finals in a span of a couple hours, the competition will be tough.

Don't miss it!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

County Fair

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Olympic Track Cycling Predictions


  • Team Sprint: France. One of the only teams that specializes in the event.
  • Pursuit: Wiggins. Can anyone come close?
  • Keirin: Hoy. He's unbeatable in the long sprints.
  • Points Race: Greg Henderson. Kiwi power!
  • Sprints: Bos. He's gotta be pissed about his poor results at the World Cup and will be out for redemption.
  • Scratch Race:
  • Madison: Wiggins/Cavendish. Without Tainter and I there to give them competition, this one's in the bag.
  • Team Pursuit: Great Britian. Duh.


  • Pursuit: Katie Mactier. Cuz I like her.
  • Sprints: Pendleton. She's just so damn fast!
  • Keirin:
  • Points race: due to the Olympic qualification standards, this race will be full of pursuiters, so I have no clue.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Weekly Spew

Quote of the week: "If you start to lick the lollipop of mediocrity, you'll suck forever." -some golfer
I hit at least 100 frogs with my lawn mower last week. Little bastards are everywhere!
Electrical transformers make a huge green flash when they get struck by lightening.
Bars do not off discounted drink prices when the power goes out. They should.
My babysitter informed us (via passive-aggressive note) that she wants a 230% raise. We decided she's not going to be babysitting for us anymore.
She also wanted gas money. What job pays for your gas to get there???
Tee ball was cancelled last night on account of bugs. WEAK!
My neice Margaux's soccer team won the championship game in overtime last night. She's bad ass.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Weekend Recap

-Take Friday off work
-Wake up late
-Drink Coffee
-Pick up last minute items at store
-Fertilize lawn
-Lift weights
-Eat lunch
-Pick up friends & camper
-Drive to campgrounds in Cloquet
-Campground sucks. It's just big grass field
-Set up tent
-Drink beer
-Drink SoCo
-Make s'mores
-Go to bed

-Wake up
-Tent is 1 million degrees
-Go outside. No better
-Make breakfast
-Make excuse to drive into town so I can use car's A/C
-Convince everyone to go to Lake Superior to swim
-Find private cove
-Grill lunch on beach
-Go to Jay Cooke state park
-Attempt to rollerblade
-Trails suck ass. Abandon rollerblading attempt
-Hike more
-Eat dinner
-Drink beer
-Make s'mores
-Go to bed

-Wake up
-Pack shit up
-Decide to kill 2 hours a local bar
-Play bean bag toss at bar
-Rain starts
-Power goes out
-Drink vodka red bulls
-Walk to whitewater rafting place
-Change clothes
-Sit through super-boring instructional crap
-Run back to bar for one last drink
-Start floating down river.
-Some dude falls out of his raft almost immediately
-Ha ha!
-Paddle to shore
-Piss in woods
-Tell off a lesbian who thinks I shouldn't piss in the woods
-Catch and pass lesbian boat
-Dub ourselves "Team Awesome"
-Dub other boat "Team Suckhole"
-2 more people fall in the river
-Whitewater rafting is now super fun
-Paddle to exit point
-Change clothes
-Drive back to Cloud Town
-Drop off friends
-Pick up kids
-Go to bed

The First Song I Learned On Guitar

Sadly, I'm not much better now than I was then.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Waiting Out The Storm

In a bar with no power

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Friday, August 01, 2008


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