Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Streak Is Broken

I made it 8 days without driving my Exploder. Stupid rain fucked my streak up this morning. It was pretty awesome while it lasted, but I sure enjoyed having a radio to listen to on my way to work today.

My babysitter bailed on me, so I'm going to have to skip racing tonight. I was rather excited about the random madison partner thing that was goin' down, but I guess I'll just have to hit up the next one. I'm sure all my potential Madison partners will be incredibly disappointed.

I've had some shitty training misfortunes lately. Lots of family stuff getting crammed into the end of summer has really cut into training time, and a lot of my rides have ended in the dark. After I had to skip sprint training on Tuesday night, I also got a flat tire and had to do a sprint workout in a wee little gear. Now my babisitter cancelled. I feel like I haven't accomplished much lately.

Motivation is hanging on by a thread, as it always does this time of year. I don't deal well with heat, and Nationals feels like it's so DAMN FAR AWAY.

Ugh. At least the picture of a pig wearing boots makes me happy.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Reliability FAIL

Does it explode or something?

I Want This

BMW K-1200R Sport. Mmmmmmmm.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Weekly Spew

I think we're all a litte bi-polar.
The older I get, the less I'm able to drink.
My-Harley-is-better-than-your-[insert other brand here] jokes do, in fact, get old, no matter what middle aged motorcycle club members would have you believe.
Why do kids always try to run away fron you when they're naked?
Bud Light Lime is 1 billion times better than Miller Chill.
Google has a new competitor. Check out Pretty cuil! Yes, it's pronounced "cool".
I went wakeboarding on Sunday for the first time this year, and I didn't even suck!
I'm done with this heat. I hate it. I hate it so bad!
My 6-year-old knows how to play chess. He's soon going to be smarter than I am. He maybe already is. He's got a very unique view of the world that really impresses me.

Monday, July 28, 2008

The Bosstones

They actually had one guy in the band who just danced around the stage pretending to be on a cell phone. Awesome.

I dunno. I just felt like I should probably post something, and videos seem to slow down everyone's RSS readers, so there ya go.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Flying Eagles Club Ride

No other BMW's

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Uncle Bill As Elvis

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Relay For Life

Survivor walk

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Train Ride

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Match Sprint Practice Tuesday, July 29th

Be ready to sprint at 8:00.

No details on the format yet. We'll either do flying 200's for qualifying or just draw names.

Either way, it's gonna rock.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Does This Count As Training?

Anyone But Cadel!

I can't stand to look at his ugly mug for the next year.

He is also the single most boring rider in the Tour this year. Possibly ever.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Stopwatch Mounting Fail

Courtesy of The National Champion

Get Ready

It could happen...

Weekly Spew

I don't think celebrities should be allowed to have kids.
I also don't think stupid people should be allowed to have kids.
OK, I think I should have sole discretion over who is allowed to breed.
Why stop there? I would like to be King of the World. I think I'd do a good job.
I'm a firm believer that people can only live on their ideals until they actually have to pay bills and support a family.
Evidence that I've known of Mark Cavendish's dreaminess for OVER 12 MONTHS can be found here.
There is a kid at tee-ball who is going to grow up to be the world's biggest douchebag. Just like his dad.
I went almost a full year without having to mow my I have to water so much that it needs to be mowed twice a week. Dammit.
Every time I attempt to type "carp", I type "crap" and I have to fix it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Weekend Recap

-Took Friday off
-Took motorcycle test - passed!
-Rode motorcycle to lake.
-Skipped bike ride to drink beer
-Ran out of beer. Drank Brandy.
-Ate awesome food
-Sat by campfire
-Roasted 'mallows

-Woke up
-Played with kids
-Rain. Boo.
-Tornado Warning
-Woke up
-Loaded up duck boat and bow
-Went to nearby river
-Shot some carp in river with bow
-Went back to lake
-Ate dinner
-Sat by campfire
-Drank brandy
-Ate s'mores

-Woke up
-Boat didn't work
-Worked on boat
-Boat didn't work
-Worked on boat more
-Boat works!
-Put boat in lake
-Boat only kinda works
-Beached boat
-Ate lunch
-Uh...boat sank
-Bailed water out of boat
-Took boat out of lake
-Jumped on trampoline
-Inherited kinda-working, sinking boat
-Conflicting emotions over "my" new boat
-Jumped off dock
-Rode on Ted's new pontoon: it's the mini-van of the sea!
-More swimming
-Jumped off raft
-Trampoline jumping
-Helped load 4-wheelers onto trailer
-Drove to town to replace cell phone that was run over
-Drove back
-More swimming
-Bike Ride
-Drank beer

-Woke up

There. Now you're all caught up.

Scooter driver killed after crash with semi

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- Police say a man riding a motor scooter was killed after colliding with a semitrailer truck.

Authorities haven't released the man's name. He died at the scene at the intersection of University Avenue and Malcolm Avenue Southeast near the University of Minnesota campus.

Police say the truck driver was making a wide right turn and swung to the left, hitting the scooter.

Minneapolis police spokesman Sgt. Jesse Garcia says investigators believe the scooter driver thought he could beat the truck through the intersection.

Expect to see a LOT more of these in the near future.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Thursday Night Lights & State Kieirin Wrap-Up

There was a 15-lap scratch race. I used it as a warm-up and dropped out after 10 laps. Moving on...

I got 2nd place in the State Keirin, in the wildest race I've ever been a part of. Although I really wanted the win, I have no regrets because I rode smart. I just got beat. With the entire Speefix team in the finals, we knew we had to get someone on the podium! I started out in 4th wheel, then moved up when Bergman started coming around the outside. Lots of bumping and fighting for position. I ended up on Ferris's wheel coming into the bell lap. There was a bit of flicking and bumping going on, and a few people thought it was a wee bit excessive, but I honestly don't believe it affected the outcome of the race. When it came down to it, I just didn't have enough to come around. Kruse got 3rd after leading out the whole race, and Ted got 4th.

There was a GREAT cheering section out there. Thanks to everyone who came out!

The night ended with Tainter and I taking 4th place in the Madison. It seemed a lot faster than last week, but it was a blast. I was sweating like a pig, and I kept letting gaps open up that Tainter had to close. Sorry! We botched a couple exchanges, but overall I was happy with our performance.

It ended up getting so late that Chiptle was closed. No burrito for Ted.

The lower categories has a slew of novelty races. There was a blackjack points race that resulted in pretty much everyone getting eliminated after a couple very slow, very confusing laps.

The 4/5's had a trackstand competition, as seen here.

Motorcycle Test

I passed.

I was also able to determine that 90% of Harley owners are nerds and wannabe's.
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Thursday, July 17, 2008

TdF Stuff

The Green Jersey race is wack. Does anyone actually think that Oscar Freire has been the best sprinter in the tour thus far? Lame.

Ricardo Ricco was doping. Well knock me over with a feather!

How does the media get the doping results before the riders? The lab needs a leak eliminated.

Christian VdV is impressive. A little old to be the "next big thing", but I'm still pulling for him.

Jonathan Vaughters is wicked annoying.

So is Robbie Ventura.

So is every single commercial. Seriously, if you know your commercial is going to be played during EVERY FUCKING BREAK, make it less abrasive.

When it comes to field sprints, Mark Cavendish is unbeatable. And good looking. OK, I admit, I have a bit of a man-crush.

Is it just me, or is there even MORE commentary on doping than in years past. I thought we were supposed to be looking forward?!?!?

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

...I gotta win the State Keirin today!

Need I remind everyone what happened last year?

That shit won't happen again.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

$1,000 Prize List for Thursday Racing

Do I have your attention? Click here.

On August 7th, Thursday Night Lights racing will feature a
$1,000 total prize list.
August 7th is just the first of three consecutive days of
racing at one of the nation’s best velodromes. On Friday,
August 8th and Saturday, August 9th, the NSC Velodrome will
host the Midwest Sprint Challenge. (For more information on
the Sprint Challenge, click here.)
We hope to see you on August 7th, 8th and 9th at the NSC
For more information about the $1K Thursday Night Lights event,
contact Dan Currell with the Grand Performance Racing Team at

This is a great opportunity to race for CASH 3 days in a row. The DGC was the driving force behind this, so make sure to thank him if he ever comes back to Minnesota!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I Am...(dramatic pause)...Inappropriate Man!

Why can't I fight the compulsion to say inappropriate things?

Today, my Director at work took us all out to lunch. Of course, I end up sitting right next to him. The first thing I say is, "Last time I was here it took 90 minutes to get crappy tasting food and one guy who was with us got food poisoning." Like he wants to know that.

Then, about halfway through the meal, there's an awkward silence. Inappropriate Man to the rescue! "So, my dog shit in my closet this morning." The silence is now significantly more awkward. "Stunk up the whole room," I say. Nice work.

Then, of course, I'm the only freakin' person who orders dessert. Everyone sits and stares at me for like 10 minutes while I cram a huge piece of cheesecake into my mouth. I also said something about killing the first MF'er who tried to snag a bite of it.

Well, at least I don't have to worry about getting promoted!

Weekly Spew

I overthink everything.
My dog inexplicably shit in my closet this morning.
My step-brother-in-law works as a beer taster. Yes, your dream job actually exists!
Steve got his chest waxed, with hilarious results.
For the perfect balance of fuel efficiency and performance, Saab takes energy from the exhaust and recycles it. They also need to shut the fuck up about it.
It is wicked hot outside. I hate heat.
I'm bored as shit. Everyone reading this should e-mail me something entertaining.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


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Grandmas Have The Coolest Stuff

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Thursday Night Lights Recap

I'll start with this: I raced a madison, and I didn't suck. Unfortunately, I kinda sucked in everything else.

There was a lot of uncertainty with the weather, but it ended up drying out just in time to race. My kids, my sister, and her boyfriend came out to watch (along with his sister and his dad), so I was hoping to race well.

The first race of the night was an "unknown distance" race. I hate those. We've really been bombarded with circus races this year. Anyway, the group I was in got gapped at around lap 7, and I pulled out after lap 15 because the top 5 spots were already pretty well secured. The race ended on lap 20, with Bergman taking the win over Crosby.

Next we had 3-lap sprint heats. Andrew Armstrong went hard from the gun, and I sat on his wheel for 2.5 laps, then came around to take the win with Ferris in 2nd.

Whenever there are enduros in the "sprint" races, it ends up being a bit like a keirin, because they always go on the first lap, and it's pretty much a crap-shoot after that.

The sprint finals sucked ass. I got a bit lazy and didn't fight hard enough for position when Kruse attacked on the first lap, then I got pushed up to the rail in the final sprint. I shut down my effort in turn 3 and finished 5th. Suck. Speedfix occupied 4 of the 6 spots in the finals, and the two "solo" riders finished 1st and 2nd. Crap.

After sitting around for an eternity, it was finally time for Tainter and I to rock the Madison. This was my first time actually racing a Madison, so the goal was basically to stay out of trouble and not bring shame upon myself. We were hanging with the front-runners for the first several laps, but missed a crucial exchange just before the first sprint lap. We still ended up taking some points, but lost touch with the leaders. As we were exchanging on the homestretch around lap 30, they range the bell for a $20 prime. I lit it up trying to get to the line first, which I did, but then the officials claimed they were ringing the bell for the group behind us. Huh??? If I'm on the homestretch and you ring the bell, I'm going to assume you're ringing it for me. We hung tough through the rest of the race, even though I was fading hard towards the end and my right calf was starting to cramp up. In the end were awarded 5th place. We should have had 4th, but when we passed the blue team, then they re-passed us, they were awarded a lap. We had the same number of points as them, and beat them in the finishing sprint, so should have placed ahead of them. Not a big deal, but kind of annoying. We also received a "warning" for hanging onto the rail, even though neither of us did that.

It was a hell of a good workout, and I had a great time, so I think I'll race more Madisons in the future. We didn't have a very cohesive pack and there were teams all over the track so I think many of the spectators were confused, but I sure enjoyed it!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

10-4 Good

Who knew?

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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

The Wave

For years, motorcyclists have utilized "the wave". It's not so much a wave as it is just pointing at the ground, but the bottom line is that it's a recognition of someone with a similar interest.

It's not only considered proper to wave, it's generally considered rude not to. I'm all for sharing the joy of the open road with my 2-wheeled bretheren, but here's the problem:

The enflux of asshats on scooters. Many of them have picked up on "the wave", and think that they're part of the club. They're not. If you sit on your "hog" in the same manner that you would sit in a church pew, don't try to hang with the cool kids. Just hang your head in shame, pull over, and stop holding up traffic.

Exceptions from being scorned: chicks, hippies (you guys were made for scooting!)

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Weekly Spew

It's almost impossible for me to say "no" to an invitation of any kind.
The chocolate shavings used at Caribou Coffee are the worst coffee additive ever.
My employer has mandated that only 1 motorcycle or scooter may park in each parking spot, despite the fact that we can easily fit 3. That's retarded.
Wall-E is the worst children's movie I've ever been to. It was horrible. Even the kids didn't like it.
I'm watching the TdF for the first time in several years. Not because I was boycotting it before, but because I was too cheap to pay for expanded cable.
I'm finally ready to buckle down and start training and racing hard again. I had about a month of frumpiness, but I'm back now.
I don't know how I ever lived without my Blackberry.
My motorcycle has been acting up lately, but I don't ride when it's over 80 degrees out anyway. It makes my ass sweat.
Tainter and I are teaming up for the Madison on Thursday, and it's going to be awesome.
Have I mentioned that I have a functioning well/sprinkler/lawn relationship now? I do.
These are significantly less amusing than they used to be. My apologies. I've been burnt out on everything recently.

It's A Bit Windy Out There

I thought she was gonna blow away!

If You Want Something Done Right...

Do it yourself.

I took the afternoon off and my father-in-law and I pulled the well up, swapped out the point, and pounded it back down. Bingo. Big water.

I should not be this excited about this, but I am.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Friday, July 04, 2008

Girly Drinks

God Bless America!

Thursday, July 03, 2008


I have no entertaining anecdotes to share today. Instead, here is a photo of a rabbit with a pancake on his head. I don't remember who sent this to me, so if it was you, thanks.

I'm not racing tonight. I can't bring myself to fight holiday traffic to race against the 5 people who are going to show up.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Working From Home


I'm in a ska kinda mood. Deal with it.

Everything Sucks

The song actually starts like 40 seconds in. Reel Big Fish is known for unnecessarily long intros to music videos.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Weekly Spew

Fight Hunger: Have a little snack
I'm tired
Children cannot be reasoned with.
There are few things in life greater than seeing someone get hit in the face with a dodge-ball
A 30% chance of rain in St. Cloud means it probably won't rain. A 30% chance of rain in the BWCA means that you're going to witness one of the biggest storms of your life.
It was brought to my attention that I left the 'ass-tasting' post at the top of this blog for entirely too long.
Whatever became of the webcasts from the Fixed Gear Classic? Anyone?
The lawn/sprinkler/well saga is still not resolved.
I have a friend who still knows the words to EVERY SINGLE 'Boyz II Men' song.
I'm becoming slightly more proficient at using my Blackberry.