Friday, June 29, 2007

Race Report. Weak.

Photo belligerantly stolen without permission from Ray.

I didn't get the results I wanted, but I got one hell of a workout! The evening consisted of three races that don't suit me very well, so I had to race my ass off for the minor placings I did manage to get.

The first race was a "stinger" points race. This means that only the first rider across the line gets any points, with sprints every 4 laps awarded 12,6,6,8 points, in that order (does that description make any sense?). I was planning to just go for the first sprint. I was waiting for Currell to go, and he was waiting for me. I jumped late and was positioned poorly, and came across the line in 2nd. After that it was pretty much over for me.

Next up was the Miss & Out. I decided to try to stay on the back and sprint around on every elimination lap. I have never felt so much pain on a bicycle in my entire life. After 8 sprints in 16 laps, I couldn't move my legs anymore and had to surrender. I ended up in 4th place, which is better than I've ever done in that race before. I couldn't even cool down afterwards. I had to get off my bike and lay on the ground.

Last was a 50-lap scratch race. I had been preoccupied with the crash and didn't even notice that the race was starting. The other guys were nice enough to wait for me. Thanks homies! I'm a sprinter, so I wasn't planning on making much of an imact in this race, but it went much better than expected. I was able to hang with the pack the whole race, and even put in some strong pulls on the front to help reel in breakaways. Timmer even told me after the race that I didn't suck. Great success! I ended up in 5th place. Not too shabby for a fat sprinter!

It turns out, the top 5 in the 50-lapper were allowed to race in the 1/2 60-lap points race (much to the dismay of some of the 2's!). I have no idea why this seemed like a good idea at the time. I had less than 2 minutes to recover, but my goal is to be a 2 by the end of the season, so I wanted to get a taste for their races. I convinced Currell to do it, too. I was forced to drop out after the first sprint lap because I was pretty sure I was going to pass out. I guess I'm lucky I got out when I did, because the crash came about 10 laps later.

Ted got his Cat 3 upgrade, so I'll have a teammate in the 3's once his pesky concussion clears up.

The Carnage

I think sometimes we all need a little reminder of our own mortality. Last night was that reminder.

Ted crashed hard. Someone clipped a pedal and slid down the track, taking out 3 other riders with him. Alex was able to walk away, but his bike looked to be in bad shape. Dan Wold lost some teeth. When I left, he and his mom were looking for them in the grass. Ted has a major concussion and about 10 stitches. He doesn't remember the first 30 minutes after the crash. He also wrecked his front wheel, but the rear disc appears to be OK.

Two races later, there was another crash in the 1/2 race. I have no clue what happened, but I saw BD flying through the air upside-down with Super-Rookie right next to him. Currell and Regester were also involved. Regester seemed to have a pretty significant shoulder injury, but the other three were able to rejoin the race. The crash looked really nasty, so I officially give those guys "bad ass" status for getting back on. Note: this status expires next Wednesday.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Perfect Weather

Tonight is the perfect race weather for me. Like Tom Boonen, I suffer like a pig in the heat (yes, I just compared myself to Tom Boonen, but this is the ONLY similarity). 70 degrees with very little wind...beautiful.

Now if there were any races that suited me well, I'd be golden. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

That Was Quick

It took all of 15 seconds in my business-appropriate shorts for my co-workers to notice that I have shaved legs.

"Dude, are your legs shaved?"
"Why did you shave your legs?"
"You have to shave your legs to bike?"
"Your legs look better than my wife's!" (WTF?!?!?!)

It's REALLY hard to explain to people that I'm expressing my individualism by being like everyone else.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


A bunch of my son's Thomas the Tank Engine toys just got recalled:

"RC2 has determined that the surface paints on the recalled products contain lead."

Why the fuck would they use lead paint in children's toys?


We just got an e-mail reminding us about the big company picnic tomorrow. The best part?

In celebration of this event, please feel free to wear business appropriate shorts for the day.

I guess this means I can't wear the shorts where my balls hang out the bottom.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Look At My Giant Hole!

Footing got poured last week. It'll be a real house soon.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Thoughts on Doping

I'm not going to turn this into a "right or wrong" post, just some ramblings.

It occured to me while looking through the start list for the TDF that there are quite a few ex-dopers in the peleton. It made me these guys have any long-term benefits from past doping?

I realize that things like blood transfusions and EPO are cleared from the body relatively quickly, but what about riders who used Testosterone and Growth Hormones? While they were using these, they could have gained substantial amounts of strength and transformed their bodies in ways a clean rider never could. These effects don't just go away. The riders would be able to retain at least a portion of these benefits post-doping.

So, my questions is, do they still have an advantage over someone who's ridden clean throughout their entire career? I would say "yes".

Spell With Flickr


How sweet is this? I feel like a kid, making words out of pictures. Yippee!


Kristin wanted to go for a bike ride last night, so I was pumping up our tires while she got her bike ready to go. She says, "I think I need to lower my seat."

I say, "Then lower it."

She says, "I think I need a tool."

I hand her a set of hex wrenches from 4mm-6mm.

She looks at her bike and says, "I think I need a screwdriver."

I've never before seen a bike that required a screwdriver to adjust the seatpost, so I went to see what the hell she was doing. She was working on loosening the rear reflector clamp. "Um, honey? That screw removes your reflector." (snicker snicker). Directing her attention down to the seapost clamp, "This one moves your seat."

A look of shame comes over her face, "Oh my god, don't tell anyone about this."

"'s not like I'd put it on my blog or anything." Sorry!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Good, The Bad, and The Sub-12

The Good: I got to ride for a little while before it rained. (See also: The sub-12)

The Bad: It fucking rained. Again. One damn cloud unleashed its fury before the sky cleared up and it was sunny again. Racing canceled.

The Sub-12: I went sub-12 seconds in a flying 200, bitches! 11.90 to be exact. I will see 11.5 this year.

Things I Want:

Kilt: I think this would be ideal to use for changing clothes at the track so no one has to see my junk. Skibby has like a custom towel/kilt thingy, and I'm jealous. If I had a kilt, I bet HE would be jealous of ME. Great success!

Dolan ARC: This is by far the coolest looking track frame out there, and I must have it for my own. This is next year's bike, unless I find something even cooler. Ooh look, shiny!

Heely's: These are awesome. I spend far too much time walking when I should be rolling. I must have these. As a matter of fact, I think I'll order some today. I'm so damn envious of the kids rolling around the mall...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Oh, That's Just Weakness Leaving the Body

I puked. I've never puked from working out before, but I puked last night. Ted and I did a hellacious 2-hour sprint workout that culminated in my heaving on the side of the road. For those of you who crave intimate details about things like this, it was red.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my shoes.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Intel Inside...kinda

My employer recently purchased several new laptops for the developers, all of them with Dual Core processors. The only problem is that the IT Support Staff installed a version of Windows which does not recognize the dual processor, and operates as if using a single-core processor, resulting in half the processing speed.

Now, after spending several days setting up all the software, development tools, network drives, etc., all laptops purchased in the last 6 months need to be re-imaged. Hello downtime!!!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Feeling the Effects

I'm now feeling the effects of high gas prices. My little cartons of milk that I use to make my protein shakes at work are going from 50 cents to 60 cents. It doesn't sound like much, but realistically it's a 20% increase. I guess I'm going to have to bring a gallon and keep it in the fridge. It's the principal of the thing.

Friday, June 15, 2007


I'm not gonna name names, but I see this as complete bullshit. I used ride with a kid (let's call him Todd) who is on a Juniors team based out of a neighboring state. His team has decided that they want go to Junior Track Nationals. "Todd" has only ridden on the track once. One fucking time. Never raced. And his team got him upgraded to Cat 2 on the track. How the fuck does that work?

We've got an incredibly hard-working group of Juniors out at Blaine who are slogging their way through the ranks just like everyone else. I wonder how they feel about this other team getting a completely free ride to the (almost) top.

What do the 1/2 guys think about having a 16-year-old kid in their race who has NEVER RACED ON THE TRACK BEFORE? Scares the shit outta me. Luckily, no one on this team rides at Blaine.

Thursday Race Recap

Aw, shit. Where to start? I felt great for my Cat 3 debut last night. I usually suffer when it's hot and humid, but yesterday was fantastic.

The first race was a 12-lap Tempo race. I don't have the ability to ride hot-laps over and over, so I took a flyer off the front right from the gun, taking the first three laps and 6 points. At that point it was over for me, and Timmer took over with Stewart on his wheel. My hope was that the group would stay together and fight it out for points, so no individuals would take too many points. That was not the case, as Timmer and Stewart took all subsequent laps. I ended up in 3rd.

After what felt like hours of watching Madison kilo's it was time for the Chariot Heats. The pace didn't start out too fast, and I was able to sprint away from the group on the second lap to qualify in 1st.

The Chariot finals were fast right out of the gate. I hung in 3rd wheel for the first lap and came around hard out of turn 2 to take the win by a good margin. I love that race, but I was dizzy as shit after it was done. I also hit a new max speed on the track during this effort, which means my training is definitely going in the right direction.

My Dad was in town from Seattle and came out to watch me race, so I skipped the final 50-lap scratch race to go hang out with him in the stands.

I haven't seen the results, but I think I ended up 2nd in the omnium behind Timmer. I'm just lucky he can't sprint or we'd all be screwed (although he did score some points in the Chariot).

I hope I can make it to the race on Saturday, it sounds like fun. My son's birthday party is this weekend, and we may have some family coming in from out of town. We shall see...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Dirty Money

I was trying to buy a pint of milk out of the vending machine at work, and it kept rejecting one of my quarters. I didn't know what to do, so I washed the quarter in the sink, and it worked. Mmmmmm...protein shake.

Unsolicited Info

Why is it that when other (casual) bikers find out you ride, they feel the need to share completely unrealistic information with you? For instance, the guy at Sam's Club talking about just cruising around at 28mph on his TT bike. Really? Doubt it, dipshit. I know the 5 people in MN who can "just cruise around" at 28mph, and you ain't one of 'em.

"I felt like I was sprinting really fast, and I looked down and was at 45 on my Mtn. Bike" No. You. Weren't. If I obviously know something about the sport, why would you try to spit that shit at me?

Maybe you should recalibrate your computer.


This is where my new house will be. They start digging on Monday.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


I was watchign the Prefontaine Classic the other day, and the two-mile was just about to start. The commentators were talking about all the favorites, specifically Alan Webb.

I'm not sure how well anyone who reads this knows running, but often there are "rabbits" in the race who are simply there to set the pace for the first 1/2 to 3/4 of the race. Sometimes the rabbits go out too fast, and the racers don't want to push that hard early in the race. That was the case here, but two runners, one of them Craig Mottram from Australia, went with the rabbits and opened up about a 30 meter gap on the field.

Craig ended up winning the race by a good margin. When asked about his victory, he said something to the effect of, "I went out hard, but at least if I had gotten beat, I would have known I got beat fair and square instead of hanging back and trying to run a tactical race. I beat a lot of runners who are stronger than me." I dig that attitude.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Best Ride of the Year

I was in an odd mood last night...really mellow, which, if you know me, is odd. I felt like going for a ride to check out the backroads around my new pad. The roads are essentially empty, so I figured I'd be OK to bring my iPod. No computer, no training, just a nice relaxing ride.

The weather was perfect, the roads were great, and I had the kind of ride that "people who just love riding" seem to wax poetic about. I didn't want it to end...I rode till dark.

Just what I needed to get me back on track (no pun intended. OK, fine. Pun intended).

Max's B-Day

Max turned 5 yesterday! Kristin had the flu, and Grandma took Addi, so it was just me and the boy child. I busted out of work early, and we went to Summerland. We went down the waterslide around 200 times. That was great fun until the meth-head family showed up. Bleeding sores, the whole works. Classy!

Max went on the Kiddie Karts, but they were too slow and he was bored. I took him on the Indy Karts, and that was much better.

We then went to the newly renovated East Side McDonald's, with the Jr. Gym. It's actually really cool. They have a bunch of games that require kids to EXCERCISE to play them. There's a bike that you have to pedal to play the 4-Wheeler game (shown above), a basketball court, Dance-Dance Revolution, and a huge climbing, uh, thing.


Who the hell would leave a tip at a drive-thru? Especially when they have just paid $5 for a cup of coffee.

Monday, June 11, 2007


On a group ride a couple weeks ago, a guy told one of my riding buddies that he had raced against me in the Apple Duathlon. He raved about what a "strong TT guy" I am. Huh? I am one of the slower time-trialists I know. Where the hell is this coming from?

Then I figured it out. This guy perceives himself to be a strong TT guy, and I beat him on the bike, thereby making me a "strong TT guy". Maybe he knows something I don't.

Buy a Camera

I like going to the gym because I like working out, but I hate going to the gym because everyone fucking stares. There could be just one other person in the entire gym, and inevitably that person will sit and fucking stare at me throughout my entire workout. This bugs the shit outta me.

Music and Lyrics

No, I'm not blogging about the most recent Drew Barrymore film.

On my way into work this morning, I heard six songs with lyrics similar to "I want it, I need it...". All referencing want vs. need. Seriously, come up with some new fucking lyrics.

Tool - Stinkfist
Saliva - Ladies and Gentlemen
Union Underground - Turn me on Mr. Deadman
Red - Breathe Into Me
Def Leppard - Animal
Static X - I'm The One

I know there are lots of others, but I found it ironic that I heard all six of these songs in a 25-minute time frame. Actually, I don't really find it ironic. I find it shitty, and it kind of pisses me off.

Not that any original music has come out in the last 5 or so years...I guess I'm just holding out hope that something worthwhile will surface. Shit. Have I become one of those guys that sits around listening to CCR bitching about how new music sucks? I don't think so...I think new music just sucks.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Catching Up

I've been away from the computer for the last several days while we were moving. Not a whole lot has been going on, but I'll attempt to get caught up here.
Track racing was cancelled due to high winds. Weak. I have never heard of such a damn thing. Ted and I didn't find out until we were almost to the track, so we decided to ride until it started raining. We each got in a short warm-up and one flying 200 before the rain started. Lots of driving for 20 minutes on the track.
We filled up an entire semi trailer with our house stuff. That means we have too much shit and need to purge.
Living with the in-laws is going great. We basically have a live-in babysitter, and we get to spend the summer living on a lake. 4 months until our new house is done.
I had to ride my road bike in tennis shoes yesterday because the battery was dead on my motorcycle. Speedplay pedals suck without cleats. Ouch.
Max got the Rocket Rod for his birthday. It is super-cool in theory, but doesn't seem to catch any fish.
The End

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Jim Visits T-Town

Jim Bell is out in Pennsylvania on business, and went to the Lehigh Velodrome tonight. Here's the e-mail he sent me:
I'm sitting here w jack simes, bobby lee (toy united), erin hartwell, watching racing....

Lucky bastard.

In a Funk

I have had a wicked case of the blah's lately. I've been training my ass off, moving out of my house, and have been super busy at work. I'm tired.

I took tonight off from training and I grilled some steaks, drank some Brandy, went fishing with my son, and took my kayak out on the lake. I'm feeling much better now.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Goodbye Cross-Check, Hello 925

My Surly Cross-Check is currently on Ebay. Someone local should buy it, and I'll deliver for free (within Twin Cities area or St. Cloud). It is a sweet ride, but I'd rather it belong to someone who will ride it more than I do.

This is currently on back-order, but will be by new commuter. Redline 925 beeyotch (9 to 5, get it?). Fixed gear, fenders, moustache bars, cheap. Can't go wrong. I may swap out the bars for some bullhorns. Time will tell.

I have decided to keep my road bike for another year and re-evaluate next Spring. This concludes the annual bike migration.


I'm exhausted. We spent all weekend packing up our shit and moving out of our house. The hot tub and swingset were the worst. I never realized how much crap we had until I had to put it all in boxes.

It's nice to be back at work, sitting on my ass.

Best. Housewarming. Party. Ever.

Ted had a housewarming party on Friday night. With bartenders. And caterers. And a keg of Blue Moon.

It made me excited to get our new house done and have a party. With no bartenders. Or caterers. And a keg of Icehouse.

Friday, June 01, 2007

I'm a 3

Si, soy un tres!

I did not have it last night. Whatever "it" is, I had none. I couldn't get warmed up, and every time I blinked it was nearly impossible to get my eyes to open again. As race time drew nearer, I was able to psych myself up a bit, but I wasn't feeling very confident. Somehow I was able to dig deep and score enough points to get my Cat 3 upgrade.

The 10-lap scratch race played out the way it usually does, with a few failed breaks in the first 5 laps, then everyone sitting in for the final sprint. With 4 to go I put in a big, short attack to string out the field. I pulled up and got back in on 3rd wheel, right behind Dan Currell. He took off on the bell lap, and I was able to come around him on the backstretch, then he re-passed me through turns 3-4, then it was a drag race to the finish line, and I won by maybe a foot.

Next up was the Miss & Out where I continued my reign of inadequacy. I did better than last time, scoring a 7th place, but still not great. I hate that race because it's the one that's least dependent upon how strong of a rider you are. I need to work on my mental game.

Currell got upgraded before the final 40-lap scratch race, and I had to score some omnium points to get my upgrade. Ted was all pissy cuz he hadn't placed well in the earlier races, so I force-fed him an energy drink and told him to buck the fuck up. He went on to win the race. I am a great motivator. I rode the race very, very stupidly and was lucky to somehow take 3rd. I chased down every single break, wasting a ton of energy, and none of them stuck. With 2 to go, I hardly had anything left so I started doing the math, trying to figure out who I had to beat to ensure 2nd in the omnium. I got it, and I'll be racing with the 3's next week.