Sunday, May 31, 2009


Prior to last night, it had been almost two months since I went out drinking. Now I have a screaming headache. Stupid rum. Franz drank very little, because he's doing the Radius race at the track today. That now seems like a prudent idea. Not the racing...the minimal drinking.

We started out at my wife's cousin's 40th birthday party. They had a live band, which was fun till the cops showed up. Squares.

Then we went to a graduation party where I felt really old. Those damn 18-year-olds look like they're 12! That is teh suck. They had delicious raspberry lemonade vodka drinks there, along with a bouncy thing, two bonfires, and a volleyball tournament. I still can't play volleyball. Aside from my hip, I think my toe is still broken from playing beach volleyball in Mexico. Lame.

Then we came home, put Family Matters on the TV, and crashed out on the couch.

I was awoken to the 6-year-old setting the house alarm off when he went into the basement to play video games. What a horrible way to wake up.

I'll be at the track today if the rain holds out. It doesn't look good.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Bass Opener

We hung out at Ted's cabin for the bass opener last weekend.  It was awesome.  I ain't got time to caption the pictures.  You'll figure it out.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

1st Grade Class Play

The kids did a really nice job. I was actually impressed, except for the one girl who just stood there couldn't read her lines.

Afterwards, I got to eat lunch with the kids. corn dogs.

I felt really tall, which was awesome.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thursday Night Lights

I went down to Blaine last night to watch racing. It wasn't nearly as hard to just sit and watch as I thought it was going to be. I actually had quite a bit of fun...and I won a burrito.

Tainter didn't want any pictures of me, so I took a picture of him.

Big Dave wouldn't let me take a picture of him, so I took a picture of his boot.

I caught Skibby in a rare moment of joy...

...but then he got all sad again. He was happy once again after I pulled his finger and gave him a beer.

This is Frye's "bad ass" face. I know this because I told him to try to look bad ass. Woah. Intimidating.

Donimator is way more bad ass.

Linsey said I couldn't post this picture because she looked stupid.

At the rail

Brain on the attack
Everyone was going for broke on the first lap of the tempo race.

And the second lap

The racing was top-notch. Everyone is fuckin' flying this year.

It was great to see everyone again, and I hope to get back out there riding soon. And to all the people who told me I look skinny: I hate you.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Franz Sad

Franz no have partner for Radius. Franz partner crash go boom. He no can ride. Franz melancholy.

Franz want partner. Franz 'fraid everyone already have partner.

Who want be Franz partner? Franz need partner so Franz not sad.

You want be Franz partner. You send e-mail. Ug.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

These Are My Physical Therapy Shorts

They look even better when I put them on. They're hot.

These are my resistance bands and exercises.

Today actually went quite well. The alien hematoma is down to 7"x7", so it is getting smaller. I can wear jeans semi-comfortably, so that's nice.

My physical therapist smelled like cookies, and that made me hungry.

I was also able to throw my leg over the Beemer this morning.

I can start doing 5 minute rides on the ergo twice daily, but I have to watch closely for increased swelling. I have some other lame-o exercises I'm supposed to do, too, but they seem rather pointless. Leg lifts? Come on...


Monday, May 18, 2009

This Has "FAIL" Written All Over It

In other news, I did my first gym workout in almost a month yesterday. Upper body only, obviously. I'm only about 10% off my pre-crash (admittedly not-very-impressive) lifts, which is promising. The workout really kicked my ass, though. I needed a nap afterwards.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

At Least I Didn't Land On My Face

Post-Crash Jimmer totally looks like Post-Crash Franz.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Weekly Semi-Nude Wound Photo

It's been 3 weeks since my crash, and the funky colors are starting to subside. Compared to last week, I think it looks damn good. Obviously, it's still really lumpy, but at least I can stand to look at myself in the mirror now.

Last week at physical therapy, the alien hematoma measured 10"x10" with a maximum depth of 2.5". That's a lotta coagulated blood to be carrying around. I'm hoping for about a 25% decrease by next week.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I Got Nuthin'

I've been working long into the night for the entire last week in order meet deadlines at work. Now that I'm finished, I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I'll take a nap. I'm bored with the internet.

Last night I took some time out from staring at my laptop to go to a carnival thingy at Max's school. There sure are a lot of ugly kids there.

I'm healing up nicely, and it's getting easier to walk. I still limp a bit, but not too bad. My hip is still huge, but it gets a little smaller each day. I have a cool TENS unit that I use 3 times daily. Don't be jealous.

One of my friends is having a bachelor party tomorrow and they'll be playing paintball, but I think I'll have to skip it because I can't risk taking a shot to my boo-boo. I will, however, be hanging out for post-paintball beer and burgers.

Addi also has a dance recital tomorrow night. That will Is that the word? Yeah. Exciting.

OK. Bye.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Alessandro Who?

I'm sure glad Pettachi has been able to come back from his doping suspension and win some stages in the Giro. Seems that pesky asthma must not be bothering him too much! *Sigh*

Cav's inexperience is showing. He just got PWNED in stage 2, and was poorly positioned in stage 3. I'm sure he'll get some stage wins, along with some much-needed humility, as the race plays out.

I can't figure out why Garmin keeps working their asses off for Tyler Farrar. He can't sprint with the big boys, and in the coming years will slowly fade into obscurity. His 2nd-place finish the other day was a fluke. Even he said he was lucky.

I find myself unable to root for Levi. I don't know why, I just don't like watching the guy.

Even being a sprinter, I like watching the climbing stages more than the sprint stages. I can watch an entire stage in the mountains, but only the last 2k of the flat stages.

It was cool to see a breakaway actually succeed today.

This is Quickstep's manager. His name is Frans De Cock. For those of you who aren't multi-lingual, that translates to "Franz of Cock".

That is all.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Why does every single person I pass in the hallway at work feel the need to stop me for a conversation when I'm clearly in the middle of smuggling over 200 plastic spoons from the lunch room to my office?
I always put the toilet seat down. Always.
I always thought "pet dander" referred to poo. Turns out, it's not. Sure sounds like it though.
I went to Starbucks this morning. It's way better than Caribou. Well, the mochas are better anyway.
Why is everything on the clearance rack so fucking ugly?
I once drove almost all the way to work before I realized I wasn't wearing pants. It was yesterday.
The Blackberry Curve outsold the iPhone in the first quarter of 2009. Suddenly I'm the cool kid with the hot phone. w00t!
Panchero's was closed for Cinco de Mayo. Huh? Wouldn't you want to be, like, I
Last night, I accidentally made a mango smoothy with sour cream instead of yogurt.  I ate the whole thing anyway, because I don't like to waste mango.  Shit's expensive.
I just got an e-mail from Pablo Picasso. He wants my bank account info. Very exciting!
I fucking hate the city of Hutchinson. I want to kill someone every time I drive through there.
Remember when people used to buy water beds? What happened to those?
I was just informed at work that, in order to improve efficiency, I now have to enter my vacation time in two separate systems. Wha???
I can totally see how people get addicted to pain pills. I don't have an addictive personality, but if I did, I'd totally be hooked on these things. Best naps ever!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sick Baby

Addi never just gets a little sick. She only gets a lot sick. She had a really nasty cold last week, and we finally got her some good medicine that put her to sleep. She slept for 3 hours, and was in about 20 different positions. It was adorable. I felt bad for her though, tossing and turning all afternoon.

Please ignore how dumpy I look.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Look Who Went On Vacation!

One little hip injury and my freakin' race wheels pack up and go to Tahiti. Thanks for the support, assholes.

[photochopped by T3]

Friday, May 08, 2009

Little Diva

I'm going to have my work cut out for me in a few years.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Today Is The Day

It may not look better, but it sure feels better.  I was able to get rid of my crutches for good and I'm able to move around a lot better. Still gimpy, but definitely an improvement.

This damn thing changes colors on a daily basis. Sweet, huh?

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Prognosis Update

I just got back from an appointement with my Orthopedic Surgeon and got mostly good news, and some news that I pretty much expected.  He looked at the MRI and was very impressed with the size of my hematoma.  He called it "remarkable".  Dreams can come true!

The good news is that I won't need surgery and I will make a full recovery.  Further good news is that the damage to my IT Band is not nearly as bad as originally thought.  The tendon has a sprain, and once healed will not affect me in any way.  This is pretty much the best outcome I could possibly hope for.  Full recovery?  Yes please!

Unfortunately, I also learned that my recovery time is essentially unchanged.  It will be 3-4 weeks until the swelling in my hip has gone down enough that I can begin any real rehab (including light cycling), and another 4-6 weeks before I can dive back into a complete workout regimin.  At that point, I'll be so out of shape from lying dormant for 3 months that it's going take a lot of work to regain my fitness.   But, I'm a competitor at heart, so I'll be plenty motivated, and I'll be constantly pushing the limits of my rehab.

The gross news is that my injury is what is known as a "degloving injury".   Click the link to learn more.  It's nast.  Ick.  Basically, my skin was ripped away from the underlying tissue, like taking off a glove.

I meet with a specialist at the Orthopedic Sports Center on Friday morning for an evaluation.  I'm hoping for more good news.

My mobility has getting better every day.  I'm down to one crutch, and I'm hoping to be able to walk unassisted within the next week.

Stay tuned...

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

In The News...

I rarely watch the news. I think it's mostly sensationalistic garbage, and I prefer to get my fix of current events through TMZ and People Magazine. Anyway, I watched the news last night.

The News: H1N1 Virus is no longer called 'Swine Flu' and is also no longer considered to be any worse than the flu that normally goes around.
My Take: Shocking. Why the hell wasn't this the initial reaction, until proven otherwise? I heard that they changed the name of it because Egypt killed all of the pigs in the country to prevent an outbreak. You can't fix stupid. I bet all those people walking around in haz-mat suits feel pretty silly right about now.

The News: Gloria Allred is suing to keep Octamom from putting her kids on TV
My Take: If Gloria Allred was really trying to help these kids, she wouldn't be forcing their mom to fork over money she doesn't have to pay for legal expenses for a frivolous lawsuit.

The News: Here's the 4 questions to ask your partner before getting married.
My Take: Wow, what a concept. You should make sure you have similar goals and are able to communicate properly before choosing to spend your life together. Ya think? Incidentally, my wife and I had the highest compatibility profile in the Prepare-Enrich Program that our tester had ever seen. He literally said, "Holy shit". He's a pastor.

The News: Can fish feel pain? It's a definite probability.
My Take: It's a living creature with a hook through it's mouth. I'd venture to guess that it hurts. "But they don't scream or anything" say the people being interviewed. *Sigh* I give up. Also, why is this news?

The News: Rhode Island officials issue arrest warrant for alleged Craigslist Killer, claiming "he will be brought to justice".
My Take: The dude is already being held without bail in Boston on murder charges, but some blowhard in Rhode Island wants to cash in on his 15 minutes of fame by charging the guy with the attempted robbery of a hooker. Weak.

Monday, May 04, 2009


At least it'll look cool sitting in my basement.


Today is my first day back at the office. I'm going to leave early though, because I get really sore sitting in an office chair for 8 hours. I also keep getting dirty looks from the office stiffs for wearing sweatpants. I tried to squeeze into some baggier jeans this morning, but with my hip protrusion I was about 3 inches from being able to button them.

Today is also the first day I've driven a car in over a week. I'm lucky my Exploder didn't start on fire. Piece of shit. I did get to park in the Executive lot, though.

Everyone is thoroughly grossed out by my hip. Awesome.

I've been occupying my excessive amounts of free time by trying to set up a home theater PC. Basically, it's going to be like a Tivo that doesn't work as well and costs more. I'm very excited.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Dear Saturday, Thank You For Not Sucking

Yesterday was awesome. It was the first day I've woken up and could tell that I've made some progress in my recovery. It also marks the first time the swelling in my hip has gone down enough that I was able to wear boxers under my baggy sweatpants. Great success!

The best part about Saturday, however, was the Marty Road Race. I love this race, despite the fact that I've never raced it. I just like the venue, the bar in particular. Plus, it's only 15 minutes from my house.

Here's the 35+ group coming up the climb on their final lap.

I didn't make it to the finish line in time, but Tainter won the field sprint for 3rd, with Donimator a close 4th.

Here's the Cat 1/2's on the final run-in to the finish

Doug Swanson took a commanding victory, winning by 4-5 bike lengths. I also found out he reads my blog, which is awesome. This is actually a very good picture, if I do say so myself.

Then there's that guy.

I got to see quite a few people I haven't seen in a long time, and some people that I see pretty regularly but never get tired of. I would have loved to have a beer with y'all, but it doesn't mix well with pain meds. No one wants to see me all messed up, shakin' my deformed money-maker.

There was lots of concern about the injury, so thanks to everyone for that. I'm working on getting better, but it's going to continue to progress slowly.

Come back to Stearns County soon!

Friday, May 01, 2009

I'm Gonna Go Race Old People At The Mall

DGC sent me a little 'Get Well' gift...the last Casco Warp II helmet currently available in the US! Super bad ass. Super. Bad. Ass.

Now I'm just like Chris Hoy, hip injury and all. Except, ya know, slower.