Monday, June 30, 2008

Sunday, June 29, 2008

St. Cloud Crit

I saw the race for like 5 minutes while I was eating cheese curds. Also, there were no beer vendors.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tell Me How My Ass Tastes. Huh?

Shaq impolores Kobe to tell him how his ass tastes.


A little homoerotic, but this may be my new favorite smack-talk.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Thursday Night Lights Recap

Racing was great last night. I thought I was going to be cooked due to the warm weather, but it started cooling off just as racing started. I haven't done much training in the past couple weeks, so I was concerned about my fitness, but it seems to be fine. Rest does a body good!

The first race was a Revers Win & Out. Basically, a circus race that rewards mediocrity. Oh well. The defining factor of this race is that if you're going for first, you may end up with nothing. Before the race started, I decided that it wasn't worth racing unless I was going for the win. Well, plans change. I was right on Crosby's wheels most of the race, and the pace kept ramping up. I didn't want to get to the point where I was too tired to sprint, so I went a bit early and took 3rd place. I thought it was second (because I can't count), but it wasn't.

Next up were the Chariot heats. The race started out relatively slow, and I jumped on the last lap to take the win and advance to the finals.

In the finals, it was 5 SpeedFix guys...and Ferris. Pretty good odds. I drew the number 2 spot, right above Ferris. We jockeyed for position a bit on the first lap, but the pace stayed manageable. Coming into lap 2, Richter (making his triumphant return to racing) shut the door on Ted and made a move over the top. I pushed him uptrack a bit, then used the banking to slingshot around Ferris and ride away from the pack for the win.

I had no intentions of racing the last 80-lap points race, but I stuck around to watch the Team Pursuit Challenge, which was very cool. There was some drama afterwards, but I'm not going to let that overshadow the great racing that preceded it.

There were a couple crashes in the lower categories as well, but bodies and gear all seemed to be in working order, which is always good.

I had some awesome items delivered to me last night as well. I got my new Bell Sweep R helmet, two jerseys, a skinsuit (now with ass-crack coverage), a pair of bib shorts (with NO ass-crack coverage), and a new pair of shoes. Great success! I love getting new stuff.


I don't yet know how to use it, but it looks super cool!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Piss Me Right Off

I'm very annoyed with my lawn situation. Everything seemed to be going well, then it all went to shit at the worst possible moment.

The guys came and pounded the well. It was working great. Super!

Then the sprinkler guys came. They did a piss-poor job. The heads were too low and misaligned. They cut through my drain-tile in 5 places.

Luckily, they came back to fix everything a couple days later. Super!

The lawn seeding guys came. Apparently the sprinkler guys didn't bury their hose deep enough, and the tiller ripped it up. Crap.

I should note that this is happening the day I'm supposed to leave for a 4-day vacation where I won't have cell phone reception. Double-crap.

At this point, the lawn is seeded but there are holes in the sprinkler hose.

I convinced the sprinkler guy to come out and fix it. Which he failed to do. I had him come back and fix it again.

Now it seems that there's a problem with the sand-point well.

Not having enough time to deal with it before leaving, I hooked the sprinkler system up to our city water.

The sprinkler guys had to come yet again the following day to fix another hole. If you're keeping track, that's 6 visits from the sprinkler guys. Luckily, we had a babysitter who would be at the house all day to let them in to fix it.

When we got back from vacation, everything seemed to be doing remarkably well, considering the circumstances.

It took 4 more days to get someone out to look at my well. Meanwhile, we've gone through roughly $150 in city water. It turns out the pump is shot. It'll be 3 more days before they can replace it.

Last night, I was stomping down the steps behind my house, all pissed off, and I rolled my f'ing ankle. It hurt like a bitch! I thought I broke it, but it seems to be a bit better today.

Why can't anything just be easy???

Screw It

Goatees are for squares, anyway.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Go-gurt Fail

Yes, it really is Go-gurt.

I know what it looks like, but it's Go-gurt. For real. Srsly. No joke.

Sell Out Now!

Found on Sprint's website:

It was only a matter of time. Shit.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Since no one gives a shit about what I have to say, here's some pictures from my trip to the BWCA with some friends.

At Camp

They brought a grill. A heavy, heavy grill. In a bag on wheels.

They also brought beer. It sucked to carry, but was totally worth it once we were chillin' on shore with a Silver Bullet (do they still call it that when it's in a plastic bottle???)

Kicking back


Tarp is up...ready to face the coming storm.

Shitty picture, but it was HAILING!!! Tarp blew away.

"Screw that! I don't wanna go out there!"

Hark at the size of Matt's log.

There weren't any trees big enough to handle our food pack, so we loaded it in the canoe and anchored it in the lake. I guess it beats having it in the tent.


Making coffee


It doesn't get much better than this

Dishes? That's for girls!

Luke is apparently highly allergic to bug bites. It looks like a second head!

Not the greatest picture, but there's a moose out there in the water. Very cool.

We almost blew up a propane tank in the fire. Oops.

The girls went sailing on a windy day. They didn't even fall in!

"Puckers? Arrrr."

Luke fell in the lake. We all laughed.

The girls. I like 'em.

"Get out of here with that camera, asshole!"

Exploring the river

Jiffy-Pop FAIL

Monday, June 23, 2008

Chin Watch '08

Every year I try to grow a goatee, and every year I fail miserably. I usually ends up looking like I have renegade pubes on my chin, and I give up and shave it off. This year, I got a head start by timing my initial growing period with a BWCA trip.

It'll likely still look like crap, but I've got high hopes.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Hendrick's Martini

Never quite as good as it looks.

I'll Take 'The Rapists' for $200, Alex.

The best SNL skit of all time.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Behind The Times

So I just bought a Playstation 2 yesterday. I know they've been out for a LONG time, but I don't play video games.

The boy child got a couple PS2 game for his birthday so I picked this bad boy up used.

Tee Ball



Home Run

There's one dad there who is really intense. He calls his kid away from the little "huddles" and berates him for mistakes. Dude, they're 5, back off. If I was his kid, I woulda cooled him in the nuts with an aluminum bat. But that's just me.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Farmer Bob is seeding my lawn. And he's mad. The sprinkler guys screwed up in several areas, causing more work for Farmer Bob. Farmer Bob don't take kindly to that shit.

Pyramid Schemes

You know who they are. Wandering around stores wearing those stoopid-ass bluetooth headsets. Then they walk up to you and start making small talk. Then they ask where you work. Then they have a "great opportunity" and want to "get together sometime."

They're usually trying to feel you out to see if you're a sucker, or short on cash, or retarded...then they pounce.


I've had two of them approach me in the last couple weeks, and I love to fuck with 'em.

SCENE 1: Plumbing Aisle at Fleet Farm
Guy: "Hey, how's it going"
Me: "Fabulous, how are you?"
Guy: "Good, good. Are you from town here?"
Me: "Yep"
Guy: "What do you do for work?"
Me: "Computer stuff"
[awkward pause]
Guy: "Buying a sprinkler system, huh?"
Me: "Uh...yeah."
Guy: "Wow, those are really expensive, aren't they"
Me: "Not when you make as much money as I do. This is pocket change. I'm kind of a big deal if want to know the truth."
Guy: "Oh" (Sheepishly turns away)

SCENE 2: : Video Game Store (don't ask...)
Guy: "Hey, how's it going"
Me: "Fabulous, how are you?"
Guy: "Good, good. Are you from town here?"
Me: "Yep"
Guy: "What do you do for work?"
Me: "Computer stuff"
[awkward pause]
Guy: "Buying a PlayStation, huh?"
Me: "uh...yeah."
Guy: "Wow, those are really expensive, aren't they"
Me: "Actually, I make 6 figures working from home just a few hours a week. It's a great opportunity, and I'd love to get together sometime and talk about it. Here, let me get your number."
Guy: "Uh...nevermind" (Sheepishly turns away)

Stop bothering people with your "opportunities". Just because you were stupid enough to sign up doesn't mean the rest of us are, too.

If you ever hear someone mention the "market share of internet sales", RUN AWAY.

And no matter what someone tells you, QuickStar is, in fact, Amway.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Weekly Spew

One of my female co-workers broke her wrist in a bar fight last weekend. How ghetto is that?
There's a pizza delivery guy in St. Cloud who looks exactly like Mike Delaney.
My 5-year-old finally got around to asking how the babies get in the mommy's tummy. I told him to ask Grandma.
YouTube now has an option to watch videos in high quality (only available on some videos). HUGE improvement.
My favorite Rice Krispies sound is "Crackle".
I think people with big sungalasses look like movie stars.
The key to a great Brandy Manhattan is to add a splash of water. Seriously. Try it.
Bologna: not as good as when you were 7.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Tornado Warning

One of these people is not having fun. Can you spot him?

Birthday Party

Noisy-ass friends

Happy-ass dog

Sweet-ass piƱata

Dirty-ass baby

Friday, June 13, 2008

Thursday Night Recap

We had a rather small turnout last night, but the racing was still lots of fun. After the FGC it became apparent that I need to work on my race tactics and track presence, so my plan for the night was to mix it up in all the races and work on positioning. The longer races kick my ass, but I gotta do it.

The first race of the night was a 15-lap scratch race. Let me rephrase that. The first race of the night was the world's slowest 15-lap scratch race. At least the first half was. Nothing really happened until the last 6 laps, when a break by Smithers was countered by Dubay, who got a way for a bit. It all came together with 2 to go, and Kruse attacked and stayed away for the win. I was in 2nd coming into the homestretch when Ferris magically appeared on my wheel. Dude's like a freakin' ninja or something...I won't see him the whole race, then BAM!, he's right there. Uncanny. Anyway, he beat me to the line, and I took 3rd.

This mural can be found in the McDonald's across the road from the track.

Our second race was an unknown Miss & Out. I used some top-secret tactics (don't be last), kept myself from getting boxed in, and was able to come away with the win. Huh? That's not supposed to happen! Now I don't have the "I suck at M&O" excuse anymore. Crap. It feels good though, because it means I actually raced smart for once.

Due to small field sizes, the 1/2/3 fields were combined for a 60-lap points race at the end of the night. I only had about 5 minutes to recover from the Miss and Out, which proved to not be enough. The race was fast from the gun. JJJ attacked early to claim the first sprint, and I took 2nd. After that, the pace ramped up even more. I dangled on the back for a while, but my legs were cooked and I had to bag it. I take some pride in knowing that almost half the field didn't make it to the finish.

My 3rd and 1st place finishes were enough to get me the omnium win, which is always fun.

Dubay's mom brought cake because Ben is 25 now. I love cake.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Automotive Electronics System FAIL

I found this little guy on my way to the track tonight. Someone better hope they have full coverage...