Thursday, July 30, 2009

Awesome Wakeboarding Crash Photo

My sister's boyfriend just recently started wakeboarding. He was starting to get more comfortable, even getting a little air off the wake. He happened to come off the wake a little crooked once...

...then this happened. Imminent face-plant. You really need to click the photo and look at the large version. His face is priceless!

He was hurtin' pretty good after that one!

Oh, and because my sister loves recognition, she took these photos.

Up Nort'

This post has been a long time coming. Between being sick for 2 weeks and losing my camera, I'd almost given up on it. Alas, here it is. We went up to my Aunt-In-Law's cabin up on the Iron Range and had a blast.

There are hundreds of miles of off-road trails for 4-wheeling.

Addi is ready, in her ski helmet.
She also did dishes for us one night. All of them. No joke.
Kyle brought dirt-bikes. It sure is fun to rip through the woods and not have to pedal. Now I want one of my own. But bigger.
Our toys. Jeep, bikes, 'wheeler.
Kyle's murse. I mean, fishing bag. Whatever.
Bandit on the lift to the lake. Yes, there's a lift that carries people down the hill to the lake.
My mom even got in on the fun!
It took Kyle hours of trying to pull this sad wheelie.

The weather was basically shit the whole weekend, but the sun finally came out on the final day and were able to play on the lake.

The is Luther the Mastiff. He belongs to the neighbors. They also have a 90-pound bulldog that looks like a pig.
Unfortunately, Bandit was chasing a chipmuch and fell out of a tree onto a rock, which herniated a disc in his back. Poor little guy can still hardly move.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Family Pictures

Last night we took the kids down to Munsinger Gardens to get some updated pictures of them. I think they turned out pretty good.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tour Wrap-Up and Pro Cycling Ramblings

I'm going to be honest, I haven't really cared about the Tour de France in recent years. There was the Flandis thing, the Chicken thing, the Ricco all seemed like a big joke. This year, the drama was finally not doping-related. Whether you love Lance, hate him, or are indifferent, no one can deny that his comeback was a huge boost to the overall appeal of the race.

I think his "team-first" approach endeared him to a lot of fans who had previously seen him as a pompous ass who only cared about himself. Though I would have loved to see him attacking Contador, the fact that he didn't says a lot.

I will be surprised if Contador repeats next year. He proved to be an ungrateful teammate and I think the top domestiques in the sport will look to opposing teams for employement. But, money talks.

Everyone expected Cavendish to dominate the sprints, but I don't think anyone could have foreseen him winning every sprint he contested. He's so much faster than anyone else in the peloton it's ridiculous. I don't know what any of the other sprinters can do, aside from going all Tonya Harding on his ass. Shit, the other teams couldn't even manage to form a lead-out train for their riders. Columbia just burned them off, resulting in every other sprinter vying for Cav's wheel. They tried and tried and tried, but were never able to come around him.

I don't care what anyone says, Cav deserved that green jersey. That he didn't get it is a testament to a flawed scoring system. I mean, come on, a guy who wins 6 stages doesn't get the most points? Really? Fuck that.

L'Equipe is reporting that pretty much the entire Astana team, minus Pistolero, is transferring to Team RadioShack. Armstrong, Leipheimer, Kloden, Zubeldia, Popovych, Rast, and Horner. That's not surprising. What is surprising is that they're in negotiations with Andy Schleck.

I guarantee Lance is not going to put himself in another situation where he's a co-leader on the team, so one can only speculate as to what the agreement will be. Either Lance determined that he's no longer able to be a contender in the Tour and is putting his eggs Schleck's basket or he convinced Schleck to work for him next year. Though neither seems likely.

Some have compared this to when Discovery brought Roberto Heras onboard to work for Lance. This is not the same. Heras was never a legitimate contender for a Grand Tour Tour de France win. Schleck is.

Lance seems like the vindictive type to me, so it's quite possible he sees Schleck as his way of beating Contador. Jumping on the Bruyneel train is a good move for any rider, so it makes sense for Andy. Word on the street is that the only reason this isn't a done deal is because Lance doesn't want Frank (Andy's brother) on the team because he thinks Frank will hold him (Andy) back. He probably has a point.

Which brings up another point. Frank would be an incredible teammate to have in the mountains, so the fact that Lance is concerned about Andy being held back by him leads me to conclude that Lance is not building this team around himself.

This should get interesting.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Those of you who follow me on Twitter already know that I've been sick for like the last 11 days. It started out with an upper respiratory flu, then turned into bronchitis. I had a fever for 7 days, and I'm still hacking up all sorts of shit from my lungs.

I first started getting sick the Friday before last. We were on vacation up North (more on that later when I have pics) and I woke up feeling some congestion in my chest. I figured it was just allergies and participated in the day's activities: 4-wheeling, dirt-biking, and sauna-ing.

That night, the fever started to kick in. I was popping ibuprophin 4 at a time to keep it under control for the rest of the weekend. I still pushed myself to do all the fun shit, knowing I'd pay the price later. Sunday, our last day there, was miserable. I couldn't sleep because the fever was causing wierd nightmares, AND I had to help pack all our shit up so we could leave.

I finally made it through that, survived the 5-hour drive home, and went to bed for the next 3 days. When I finally emerged from my NyQuil-induced haze, I figured I should probably go to the doctor. They gave me antibiotics and told me I'd be feeling better within a couple days. Nope.

I ended up having to stay home from my 10-year high school reunion because I was still sick. I heard I didn't miss much. Not that I thought I would.

Today is the first day I finally feel like I'm getting a bit better. Luckily, no one in my family has gotten sick (yet). Hopefully staying quarantined in bed helped reduce the spread of germ-bugs. I gotta get better quickly, though. We've got big plans this weekend. And they include drinking.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

Spew - Tour De France Edition

Words can't describe how happy I am to not have to see Cadel Evans on TV all the damn time.
Cav is a fucking stud. Such a fucking stud. Ya know what he is? A fucking stud.
I don't like the Garmin team's attitude. They walk around with a chip on their shoulder, like they're entitled to something they haven't earned. Suck it!
Contador really seems like kind of a dick.
Lance seems human for the first time ever. I kinda like it. And I kinda like him. And I think that he can officially call his comeback a success.
I heard that TV viewership of the Tour is up 80%. That's a good thing.
I can't believe Thor Hushovd protested that sprint. What a whiner.
I like the way the Schleck brothers talk.
The way Contador is climbing sure reminds me a lot of Riccardo Ricco. And The Chicken. I'm just sayin'.
When Jens Voigt crashed, I thought he died. Scary shit.
Watching Wiggins tranform into a roadie has been fun. He's definitely the break-out star of this tour.
I realized that I miss the annual "Alejandro Valverde fails to live up to Tour hype" phenomenon.
I did not, however, miss the annual "Greg LeMonde calls the Tour leader a doper" phenomenon. Oh, wait....there it is.
Those dudes ride up mountains faster than I ride on flat roads. This makes me sad.
Every time I turn on the Tour, I look at those guys and think to myself, "I'm sure glad I don't weight 130 pounds".
Why does Menchov keep crashing? Seriously, it's not like it's his first time on the bike.
Sastre seems like he doesn't care at all. He's just along for the ride.
I think all sportscasters should be British. It just brings a sense of authenticity to an event. Paul & Phil amuse me. I can't even look at Bob Rolle, with his stupid 2-ear headset thing.
I wish there had been an all-out inter-Astana war. Domestiques choosing sides, Lance and AC attacking each other, Johan Bruyneel trying to run his riders off the road in the team car. Stupid professionalism always ruins my fun.

Fortune Fail.

Real original. Way to go, China. Way to go.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

It's Not That I Don't Have Anything To Say...

...It's just that I'm too sick to say it. Updates soon. Hopefully.

Friday, July 17, 2009


When I was about 5 years old, I was playing in the kitchen while my mom was in the basement doing laundry.

I was generally a pretty well-behaved and smart kid, so she didn't think much of it when she heard pounding on the floor (which, for her, would have been the ceiling). She figured I was just jumping around.

When she came upstairs, she was horrified to find that I had hammered about 20 nails into the kitchen floor. "Look Mom, trees!" I exclaimed. "I made a forest!".

I pray that my kids are smarter than I was.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Hello, Awkward Years!

The boy child lost his second front tooth.

Twitter Is Easy

I'm starting to see the appeal of Twitter: It's easy.

Unlike blogging, where some sort of thought/insight is required, Twitter only requires that you state what you're doing. "On my way to the race". There, I contributed.

Yesterday, an old lady at the grocery store decided that I was a "fucker" because I "took all the goddamn sweet corn". I'm not going to scurry home and blog about this. In fact, being called a "fucker" is so common for me that it's essentially a non-event. I probably would have forgotten about it before firing up Blogger. However, I was able to tweet this event from my Blackberry.

I also like the fact that the past-tense of "tweet" is "twat". OK, maybe not, but I can dream!

It's human nature to do as little work as possible to accomplish a goal. It takes very little work to be part of the Twitter "community". Much less than is involved in blogging.

Don't get me wrong, it's fun. It really is. However, there ends up being a lot of "filler" posts. "Eating breakfast". Ok, then. But, that's the spirit of Twitter.

Twitter also seems to be using some cheesy-ass servers that are constantly overloaded, resulting in the "Fail Whale".
They really need to get their shit together there. Otherwise, it's pretty idiot-proof.

I don't feel that Twitter is the life-altering technology that the media wants it to be, but it can be fun. And for most of us, that's probably good enough.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Brush With Moderate Greatness

There's a cool story in the St. Cloud Times about my wife's second cousin. 16 years old and he just signed a pro hockey contract. Not bad at all. Nevermind that I've only met the kid 3 times...

This reminded me of another brush with greatness that I had.

My first car was a 1986 Chevy Cavalier. It was crappy, and was soon replaced by a Blazer. This car also served as my little sister's first car, and when she was done with it my mom sold it to some kids who wanted to put it in the demolition derby at the county fair.

With a giant bear taped to the roof, "The Cav" was almost immediately hit hard from the side and flipped over onto its roof, at which point it started on fire. Things looked bleak.

The fire was extinguished, the car flipped back on to it's wheels, and the tenacious little bastard went on to win the demo derby!

Now that's hardcore. I'm certain I had something to do with it.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Relaxing Is Hard Work!

I'm working from home today because I'm so exhausted from my nice, relaxing weekend!

We loaded up the family truckster and headed out to Franz's cabin on Friday afternoon. Just as I was about to leave, he e-mailed me and told me to bring my bike. I briefly debated pretending I didn't get the e-mail, I think because I was nervous to see just how bad I suck now. However, I relented and loaded my road bike on the rack.

Franz and I went for a 40-minute ride. We got to some hills, and I wanted to test my legs a little bit, so I started half-wheeling him. He dropped me. On his track bike. In a 94" gear. Fuck my life.

Overall, though, it felt good to get back on the

We then hopped into the boat for some wakeboarding. My first run I just spent some time getting acquainted to the bigger wake on his boat. It's probably 3x the size of the wake on my boat, so it took some getting used to. Then I took a short break before getting back on the water to attempt a flip. What a fucking disaster! Fortunately for you, there's video evidence floating around somewhere. I'll find it and post it soon.

Franz attempted a flip as well, but somehow pulled a muscle in his ass on the first attempt.

By this time I was pretty beat up from crashing hard (just because it's water doesn't mean it feels good), so it was time for margaritas. I loves me some tequila.

After a sufficient amount of liquor, I tried some more wakeboard flips and - gasp - almost landed a couple. There's something to be said for 'boarding under the influence. No inhibitions = bigger air.

Saturday we got up and went for another 40-minute ride. I felt a lot better on the bike, so that was mildly encouraging.

We then went wakeboarding again, and again I almost landed a couple flips in between epic crashes. I'm not quite there, but I'll get it. Oh yes, I will get it. Franz 'boarded for about 3 minutes before injuring his biceps. Poor old dude is falling apart!

After pulling the kids around on the tube, Franz and I scurried out the door to hit up Donimator's pad for UFC 100. It was a great time!

Sunday was supposed to be rainy so we stayed home. Of course, it wasn't rainy, so I got to spend a beautiful (hot) day cleaning my garage and mowing the lawn. Boo.

I crashed out early last night and slept in this morning. Gotta rest up for more relaxing next weekend!

Friday, July 10, 2009


I'm someone who, traditionally, needs to set goals in order to be motivated to do anything. Anything at all. Ya know, other than sit around like a bump on a stump. When I started cycling 7 years ago (has it really been that long???), these goals basically set themselves. Pick an event, train for it. Nevermind that I wasn't particularly successful early in my career. I was motivated and determined, and that was enough.

As I got more serious, the goals became more specific, which made my motivation more focused. Break 12 seconds. Get my Cat 3 upgrade. Get my Cat 2 upgrade. Win the state match sprints. Repeat. Team Sprint track record. Get on the podium at Elite Nationals. Break the track record in the flying 200.

Since I've been laid up, I've had to set goals that seem minor to everyone else, but are significant in my mind. Walk without crutches. Wear normal pants. Walk normal. Rollerblade. Wakeboard. Pedal.

Not being able to be competitive in any type of athletics has been a real eye-opener. Luckily, I've been really busy with work, and have had several aggeressive project completion dates to work towards.

Lately, I've been lifting weights pretty consistently, with the somewhat vague goal of "look good naked". I'm very un-aero.

I guess I don't really know how to just float through life, but for the first time since I can remember I don't feel any sort of internal pressure pushing me towards something.

It's actually been quite refreshing. I've spending more time with my family, doing more varied activities, and am just more relaxed in general. I still can't manage to keep up on my fucking lawn, though.

Hmmm. When I starte writing this I felt like I had a point to make. I guess not. Oh well, I'm off to try to land a flip on the wakeboard.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

I Never Thought I'd Say This, But...

...Follow me on Twitter.

This is where I'll post things that aren't significant enough to blog, but are still significant enough to be amusing.

Just do it. You know you want to...

Looks Like A Fucking Sandwich To Me

Stupid Rain

Stop making my grass grow!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I Hope I Never Look That Stupid On A Bike

For the record...that's a dude evidently NOT a dude.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Long Weekend

Aside from picking up goose shit, 4th of July weekend was awesome. We hung out at the lake all weekend...just grillin', drinkin', and playin' on the water. Nothing real exciting to speak of, just a nice chill weekend.

OK, so maybe we did run the boat out of gas and have to swim it back across the lake, but other than that...

I did a lot of wakeboarding, and my hip seems to be holding up well. I just need to progressively start doing more and more. The only problem is that my bindings hurt my feet. I went to look at new bindings yesterday, and they're like $400, so I guess I'll just learn to live with the pain. I'll probably buy a whole new wakeboard setup at the end of the season when they're cheap.

I had another failure in lawn care yesterday. It had been a full week since my last mowing and the grass was too long to cut on the normal setting, so I had to mow twice. Once on the highest setting, and once on the middle setting. There's 4 hours of my life I'll never get back.

Oh, and I was also viciously attacked by a sunfish. Fucker bit my ankle.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Big Bag O' Goose Shit

I haz it.


Why is it always the fat lady who says, "If I quit smoking, I'll gain weight". YOU ALREADY GAINED WEIGHT!
I love puppy kisses.
Why are mustard bottles perpetually almost empty???
I get jealous of people who can express their thoughts more eloquently than I can.
I refuse to use "txt speak" when texting, and I hate it when people send me text such as "wuts ur nmbr?" or "who dis". You sound like a fucking half-wit.
Sometimes I steal other peoples' catch-phrases and pass them off as my own.
Daisy Of Love sucks. Watching a group of douchey guys do douchey things is not entertaining. Plus, has anyone noticed yet that Daisy isn't attractive? #hotchickfail
I live in constant fear that something horrible is going to happen to the people I care about. It's horrible.
Why are my kids so sweet in the morning when I'm leaving for work, but so annoying at night when I get home?
If I was a gay, lesbian, or bisexual, I don't think I'd want the trannies lumped in with my group. No sir. So not the same thing.
I know way too many people who need to grow the fuck up.
I've always wanted to learn how to play guiter well, but I really can't be bothered to do something I'm not immediately good at. I guess playing Smoke On The Water will have to suffice.
I was almost convinced to tweet yesterday. Almost. The holdout persists.
I am currently drinking the lumpiest protein shake ever. The first sip I took made me shiver.
I hurt my hip yesterday in the process of wiping Addi's but after she pooped.
I'm way anal about the dangers of household chemicals.
Is wood-tick season ever going to be over?
Why is it always the biggest losers who seem to have the most self-confidence?

The best part about being married is having someone who thinks it's cute when I say perverted things.

It Even Came With A $5 Rebate

With any luck, it'll be empty by tomorrow.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Golden Boy

In case anyone missed the Star Tribune piece on the Velodrome's Golden Boy, you can find it here. There's even an accompanying video piece to go along with the story. Very cool.

I wish I'd had Brain's balanced outlook on life when I was 22. For someone with his (obvious) natural physical gifts and intelligence, it'll take him far.

Kudos, kid. No regrets.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Family Camping Fail

Family camping did not go nearly as well as I had hoped. I should have seen the fact that the boat was running well as an omen of impending suckage.

Setting up our (my) new tent went well, but when we went to put on the rain fly, it seemed rather small. And loose.

Then, out of nowhere, the sunny day was overtaken by a rainstorm rolling in. As soon as the wind picked up, the rain fly lifted off the tent like a comb-over blowing in the wind. It lifted so high, in fact, that the mesh top of the tent was exposed to the elements, allowing rain to come into the tent.

The storm rolled through as quickly as it came and the sun was shining again before we knew it. We got the water wiped up off the floor of the tent and set up our air mattresses. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. Famous last words.

By the time we went to bed, it was around 11:00. The kids should have been ready to go to sleep, but they were wired. And crabby. Addi wanted to sing herself to sleep, and Max kept yelling at her to be quiet. I just wanted them both to shut the hell up. This went on for, I dunno, an hour or so, when I finally tuned them out and fell asleep. I later realized, after rolling across the tent, that we had set it up on a small hill. This was amplified by the fact that my air matress was steadily losing air, rolling me even further toward the tent wall. Still, I was really damn tired and managed to fall back asleep.

The only times I woke up after that was when different family members would wake me to tell me they couldn't sleep. Fucking awesome.

So, anyway, we made it through the night, and Addi and I actually slept in until around 9:00.

Later in the morning, the wind picked up a bit, lifting up the rain fly and snapping one of the tent poles. The sharp end of the snapped pole then ripped through the tent, causing it to collapse and essentially rip the front door off.

What a fitting end to our camping trip.