Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Think I May Have Just Made A Mature Decision...

As I've mentioned before, I've been forever lusting after a Jeep Wrangler. I even found the awesomest awesome ever. I almost had a pregnant when I beheld it!
I've also been having visions of driving one of those new 4-door pickups.
Think of all the amazing thing I could (but wouldn't) do! The offroading, the towing, the hauling. Ya know, man stuff. *Sigh*

Since my 30th birthday is coming up in less than a week (holy shit!), my wife evidently lost her mind decided to surprise me by giving me the go-ahead to get a new vehicle. I'd been dreaming of this day, but sadly became quite depressed once reality sunk in. I'm a cheap bastard, and I can't believe how expensive vehicles are. Plus, I love the idea of not having a car payment.

Even though a Jeep had been one of my dream cars, I had to eliminate it from contention because it's completely impractical and makes absolutely no sense as a daily driver. Also, fuckers are expensive.

I started looking at trucks and came to a similar conclusion. I've got 2 kids, which necessitates a crew cab ($$$$$), I can't stand cloth upholstery so it's gotta have leather ($$$$$), and I also wanted less than 50,000 miles ($$$$$). I really like the Nissan Titans, and they are actually rather reasonably priced, but I just couldn't do it.

I already have a decent SUV with a V8 and leather, and couldn't justify spending $25K on something only marginally better. And that's for trucks that are 3-4 years old! Don't even get me started on the new ones! I can't fathom why anyone would pay what new vehicles cost. No wonder the auto industry is in the shitter.

So, yeah, I blew my big chance to get a pimp new ride. But ya know what? I'm OK with that. With the money I'm saving, I can take care of a couple other things I've been dreaming of, like a zero-turn mower and a shed. I know, dream big, right?

This is pretty much the most practical thing I've ever done in my life. Aw, fuck, I am getting old!

Monday, September 27, 2010

I Belong To A Family Of Winners

Who knew?

Despite shitty weather, the mountain bike race was actually really fun. I won the Clydesdale division (go fatty!), Franz won the 45-49 division, and Max won the kids race!

My starting wave consisted of men 30-39 and Clydesdales. The race started with about half a mile of grass riding before we hit the trail. I got in with the front group of 5, and when I realized that none of them were big enough to be in the Clydesdale division, I decided I would just ride wheels and have some fun.

I was a little disappointed with the way some people raced. One guy who was in front of me was an awful bike handler, but refused to let anyone pass. Since the course was pretty slick and muddy, he went down in several of the hairpin turns. He would then spring to his feet and hold his bike sideways across the trail while he remounted in order to keep anyone from passing. The problem was, he had decent fitness and would drop the hammer every time the trail opened up, so it was really hard to get by him.

I finally got tired of trying and just decided to let him lead, since there was no one within visual distance behind us. The three riders in front of us were out of sight and figured knew they wouldn't be seen again. At this point we started catching a lot of the slower riders from the previous wave, who also didn't want to move over, and I finally found a chance to get around the dude.

OK, enough bitching.

After a few minutes I caught another rider from my wave and rode his wheel the final couple miles to the finish, where I was nearly outsprinted when I tried to take the inside line out of the woods and my rear tire lost traction.

Franz was the first finisher in his wave, and came in a couple minutes after me to win his age group.
He's like a real-life anatomy lesson.

Later in the day, I brought Max and Addi back for the kids race, which was about 1/4 mile on the grass trail. All the kids got T-shirts, medals, and swag from Shimano, which they thought was really cool.

Max won the race, and Addi rode pretty damn well for a 4-year-old. I'll post pics of them when I find my damn camera.

I honestly don't remember having this much FUN at a cycling even in several years. There were medals for every itty-bitty division, people on the microphone that kept the spectators engaged, a fantastic atmosphere, and fun stuff for family members to do. Even the Elite competitors seemed really laid-back and friendly.

I'm also quite enamored with the Clydesdale division.

Major props to Kris, Kyia, Ben, and the rest of the Mid MN Cycling Club for all the work they put in to make it a successful weekend.

I went to spectate at the cyclocross race on Sunday, and it looked like an awful lot of work. Those dudes are nuts. I did this race a couple years ago. Ouch.

Now I need to get my muddy-ass bike cleaned up for the Monday Night MTB Ride tonight...if my lights showed up yet (grrrrrrr).

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

MTB Categorization

I've got a question for all you mountain bikers out there. Franz is trying to convince me to do the Single Track Escape mountain bike race on Saturday, but I'm not sure which category is appropriate.

Franz has registered for the sandbagger Citizen class, and I'm imagining a field full of women and children. I know traditionally, beginner mountain bike categories are not the same as Cat 4/5 races on the road.

The next level up, Sport, is 14 miles, and I'm not entirely convinced I can even ride that far without falling over dead.

Please advise.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Totally Never Drinking Again

Overall, I had a great weekend. Unfortunately, some heavy drinking on Saturday night really kicked my ass and made Sunday rather miserable.

I had a good ride at North Loop on Friday night. I brought Bandit with me, but I don't know if I'll bring him there again. There are too many squirrels and deer for him to chase. It gets annoying to call him back every 2 minutes. Plus, now that there are deer hunters out there, I'd rather he not get shot.

Anyway, I got in two laps, and I'm actually feeling a lot smoother on my bike. I determined that my biggest problem was that I would brake too late and end up trying to scrub off speed in the middle of the turn. This causes the bike to want to be upright, which caused me to go too wide on the turns and thus, suck. I'm getting a little better, but I've still got some work to do. I also need to work on focusing my vision further up the trail, instead of 5 feet in front of my wheel.

I tried to ride the Expert section, but it was a nasty mud-pit so I bailed on that. I still got a bit dirty, though.
Saturday night, we went to a get-together with my wife's coworkers. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I was kinda really hammered. I could only remember having 4 drinks, but good 'ol Kristin reminded me that I'd had an additional 8 that I somehow forgot about. Whoops. Since Franz and I had a date (*snicker*) to go mountain biking in Monticello the next morning, I sent him a text explaining that I was fucked up and would not be ready to go at 8:30 AM.

Sunday morning, he texted me back, informing me that I needed to suck it up and he would be over to pick me up in 15 minutes. I somehow managed to drag my ass out of bed and get ready to go, and we made our way to Monti. Despite the cold temps, I was sweating like a pig for the first half hour. I guess that's one way to get booze out of my body! I didn't crash or anything, but I was a bit of a mess.

I've never ridden in Monticello and not gotten lost. This time was no different. We actually ended up finding the tar road and taking that back to the parking lot because we had no clue where we were or where we should be going. If anyone knows their way around that place and wants to guide me, lemme know.

We also saw the biggest fucking mushroom ever. So there's that.

We got home just in time to see the Vikings suck a fat dolphin cock, and I was completely worthless for the rest of the day. I took a nap in the afternoon and then went to bed at 10PM.

I was planning to do the Monday Night MTB Ride tonight, but my new lights haven't arrived yet, so I guess I'm out of luck.

Spinner Hub Caps. Hot.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Great Seats, Asshole

A couple weeks ago, a received a call from an excited Bodacious P, declaring that he had procured "upper level, but still really good seats" to the Vikings' final preseason game. Did I want to go? Hell yeah, I wanted to go!

After a stop at Tickles, which I totally didn't know was a gay bar, we headed to the game.

We received a call from another friend who was at the game and had seats on the lower level, right above the tunnel that the players run out of. I asked P why we didn't have lower lever seats. P declared, "Well, they're in the corner! I'd way rather be upper level than lower level in the corner." Lo and behold, when we found our seats, they were upper level and in the corner! And a mere 4 rows from the very tippy-top of the 'dome.

I made him buy me a $10 beer to make up for it.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Like, Knee Tendons?

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Friday, September 17, 2010

This Is Why...

...Cav fucking rocks.
Nothing says, "I'm waaaaaay faster than you" like bunny-hopping over the finish line. It's also possible that he's actually flying, though it seems unlikely.

More Stuff For Sale

I've got some more goodies for sale. There's a 'Contact Me' link over there --> on the right side of the blog. Hit me up if you're interested.

Cane Creek Volos track wheels. These were my training wheels for the last few years. They are light, stiff, and super-durable. Tufo tires mounted, both with 90% or more tread remaining. These are in great shape and are ready to ride. $175

Cane Creek Volos Road Wheels, Shimano freehum, Sapim Cx Ray spokes. Just in time for Cx season! They have a claimed weight of just over 1500 grams and are incredibly durable. I've had them for a couple years but they have less than 1000 miles on them. $250
Fi'zi:k Arione k:ium. Brand new. $90.
NiteRider Classic Plus lights. The battery is a bit weak, but should last over an hour with only one of the bulbs on. If you can use it for something, it's cheap. $20
Giro Advantage 2 helmet. Only used a handful of times. Like-new condition. $75
Boys 16" Giant Animator bike. $50
Kids Radio Flyer Grow & Go bike. $30.
Any questions, let me know!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

That's A Funny Place To Keep A Mouse

When I pulled into my parking spot at work this morning, I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye.

Then I looked closer...

He gave me a look that said, "Where the hell am I?" then scurried through a crack near the hood hinges and down into the engine compartment, where I can only assume he's eating all the belts and wires.

Unintentional iCup

My dishwasher made this for me.

It looks suspiciously like...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

At Least They'll Look Nice In The Basement

For some reason, I always seem to buy cool shit at just the wrong time. It's a good thing I've got these bad-ass wheels now that it's the offseason!
Scurvy built me up some durable road wheels to better handle my sprinting. Plus, Chris King hubs are just plain cool.

I've actually had these wheels in my possession for about a month, but didn't put them on my bike until today for 3 reasons:

1. I'm lazy.
2. I haven't really ridden my road bike in the last month.
3. It takes me like 2 hours to swap out two tires and a cassette. No joke.

At this rate, I might actually ride on them by next June.

I Haz Shame

I just bought Crocs.

Fuck off, I've got my reasons.

But still, I own Crocs.  *hides face* Don't look at me!

Too Slow

It took over 10 minutes to pump 17 gallons of gas. Every time I come here, the pumps are ridiculously slow. How its that even possible?

Hell, I could siphon it by mouth faster than that! At first, I thought it was a one-time thing, but this is the 4th time.

I will not be back.

Cenex, you are making it very difficult to avoid going to BP stations.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sneaky Lunch Ride

I snuck out of work at lunch today, picked up Bandit, and headed to Plum Creek to get a few laps in. I've been off the bike for so long that my sit-bones were sore from last night's ride! Weak.

I wore my incognito kit...ya know, in case I need to should obscenities at people or flip someone off.
I rode two full laps before discovering that my headset was loose. Or so I thought. After walking my bike out to the main road and back to the car I found that, in fact, my quick-release had come loose. That could have been bad.

Bandit loooooooves biking with me. See, he's smiling!
Once, when my wife was rollerblading with him, some bitch commented that it was cruel to make a dog run like that. Instead of calling her a stupid-ass cuntwhorebitch like I would have, Kristin simply said, "Well I guess you've never owned a terrier before, so maybe you should mind your own business." How diplomatic!

I get annoyed by those people who always seems to know what everyone else should do. Especially when it comes to kids and pets. Hell, people know eeeeeeverything about child-rearing until they have kids of their own (I know I sure did!), at which point they find out that all their well-thought-out theories go straight to shit. So, unless you know exactly what someone else is dealing with, shut the fuck up. That goes for me, too.

Wow, that escalated quickly.

Anyway, back home, it's nap-time for man and beast.
In light-buying news, I've decided on the JetLites Blast HID, and will likely be placing the order later today. Hopefully they ship fast! I'm going to start with a helmet-mounted light and see how it goes, then add a bar-mounted light later if I feel like it's necessary.

Night Ride

I'm fairly certain my lights should be brighter than this after only 40 minutes of riding.

The Monday Night MTB Ride was hella fun last night. I rode pretty sloppily, considering it was my first time on a mountain bike this year and it was dark. We had a good sized group of 9, and I was bar far the suckiest. It sucks to be the suckiest, but it wasn't really unexpected. I never crashed, but that's likely because I was going too slow to crash. It seemed like I lost half a bike length on every turn. I guess I got some improvin' to do.

Nearly everyone else on the ride had big pimpin' lights that lit up the trail like it was fucking daytime, and my shitty orange lights died halfway through the first lap, which sucked. I was able to finish the lap by getting between a couple other riders, but couldn't do a second lap like I wanted.

Thanks to Mike, Franz, and Ben for shepherding me home.

I've enlisted the help of my most trusted advisor to find me some new lights before next week's ride, where I'll likely need to come up with a different excuse for sucking. Luke makes shit happen.

Franz was rocking his new (to him) Superfly 29'er. I think he's been converted to the ways of big-wheeled bikes.

I'm going to try to get out a couple times this week to hone my skills before next week. I'm on a quest to not be the guy everyone has to wait for. Lofty goals, indeed.

Deep Thoughts From My Employer

If one friend buys you a beer, and another friend shits on your carpet, the behavior of the first friend is preferable.

Monday, September 13, 2010

My Lights Are Charging

Despite being laughably out of shape, I'm going to hit up the Monday Night MTB Ride at North Loop tonight. The fact that the ride is in the dark plays to my favor, since no one can get going too fast. Except those assholes with the halogen lights that actually work effectively. We'll have to put them at the back.

I really enjoy mountain biking, even though I kind of suck at it. In fact, that's how I got my introduction to cycling. I've even done a few races. My first-ever race was the Boo Blast in Monticello. I raced with the Beginners, since I figured that's what I was. I won that race by over 5 minutes and got berated by the promoter for sandbagging. I was certain I was the second coming of Ned Overend.

So, in my next race I entered the Sport category and got my ass absolutely handed to me. I decided to try to go with the leaders on the first lap (because I was an amazing cyclist!) and completely blew to shit. I ended up finishing behind an overweight woman on a Huffy. I also crashed and cracked my helmet. Preeeeeetty sure I got a concussion there.

I've been on two separate trips to Colorado and Utah, which were amazing. I'd love to go again, but that drive is a major deterrent.

Since I'm selling much of my track racing equipment, I've had visions of upgrading my mountain bike with some of the money. I wouldn't mind having a suspension fork, maybe some hydraulic disc brakes ( it has mechanical discs now), tubeless wheels/tires, and and upgraded light setup.

But then I think about how much I enjoy the simplicity of my current set-up. Maybe, for once in my life, I should just fuckin' ride?

Though, if I'm going to do these night rides, it would sure be nice to be able to see better. Maybe a helmet-mounted light is in order. I bought my current lights from Jim Bell for (I'm guessing) more than what he paid for them, and they kind of suck.

Fuck it, now I'm just rambling. See y'all tonight. I'll be the guy telling you to slow down.

Also, I still have a ton of shit for sale. I'd much rather sell it locally than deal with e-bay 'tards.

For Your Viewing Displeasure

A poorly-composed picture of Franz wearing a faux-muscle skinsuit while seemingly fondling himself. I know you can't really see him, but fuck off. He's totally there.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Un-Retire From One, Retire From The Other

Yeterday, I overheard some people talking about how great Tumblr is. I actually thought it sounded pretty sweet, too, so I went and signed up. It seemed like it would be fun, until I realized it's basically exactly like Blogger. I took this as a sign that maybe I should start blogging again. So here I am. And I've even got a new theme.

I may not post as often as I used to, but I get bored in the winter, so at least I'll be entertained. You fuckers need to start leaving comments, though.

I've also decided to retire from cycling racing. "But didn't you already retire," you ask? Not officially. So, I decided to officially retire from racing yesterday. I’ve really just got too much going on in my life right now. Maybe it’s something I could pick up again in the future, but for now, it’s just not in the cards.

I've been watching some old race videos, and it's making me rather nostalgic. This one's still my favorite:Ah, the good old days...

Thanks to everyone who supported/hated/watched/followed me over the years. I was a hell of a ride (pun intended).

I still plan to do plenty of mountain biking and group rides, so I'll still be around. I'll just be fatter and slower.

I've got an ergo for sale if anyone is interested.

In other news, I bought a new shirt the other day that I thought looked super good on me. Then I saw a photo of me wearing that shirt, and I had to throw the fucker in the garbage.

Oh, and also, I won't be posting for like 3 days. Ha!