Saturday, January 31, 2009

Fishing Update. Er, Downdate. Is that a word?

We caught two fish yesterday. In addition to the world's smallest perch, Kyle caught a dogfish.

Great success!

Friday, January 30, 2009

First Fish

I know it looks like bait, but Bodacious P actually caught this lunker.

Ice Fishing

Driving 4 miles on the ice always makes me a bit nervous, but now that we're at our house I'm feeling a bit better, except when I can hear the ice crack.

From the holes, we can see all the way to the bottom. Over 20 feet down! Pretty cool. I sure hope I don't drop my phone!

This is my new home.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Death By Caffeine

In an ongoing attempt to try to kill us all, my employer has provided free coffee to all employees. They know I can't pass up free coffee!

And I just know I'll die from it. Look:

I've already had almost 120 cups of coffee today, so maybe through my on-the-job death I'll be able to help us make budget for next quarter. It's the little things...

In other news, I'm happy as shit today. I can't figure out why, I'm just in a really good mood. I'm trying to be all hateful and pissy, but it's not working. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

Going Away Party. Also, Ass-Sniffing.

Just when I think I've run out of things to blog about, life jumps in and throws a dim-witted bachelorette party my way.

We were having a going-away party at a local bar for one of my co-workers. Here he is enjoying himself prior to puking on the table and getting kicked out. Good times.

Later in the evening, I saw a girl walk up to a guy in our group and whisper something in his ear. He shrugged, then lifted himself from his chair while the girl proceeded to sniff his ass. WTF? I managed to convince her to do it 3 MORE TIMES so I could get a good picture with my phone.

Then I got her to do it once more, just because I thought it was funny ("Hey, you didn't even take a picture that time!" Oh, shoot, I forgot. One more time!).

Out of curiosity, I asked WTF was going on. "She's getting married" was the response, stated as though that would totally explain everything.

To this girl's future husband: Kudos. You found yourself a smarty.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Death By Cracker

I just knew something exciting was going to happen today. It seems that, in lieu layoffs, my employer has resorted to reducing head-count by poisoning us.

I went to the break room to grab a Blow-Pop (love those things), and noticed a box full of peanut butter crackers. I thunk to myself, "Huh, those look familiar. Where have I seen those before?"

Then I remembered. I'd seen them on TV. BECAUSE THEY WERE FUCKING RECALLED!

It seems there have already been two deaths in Minnesota. Awesome. I hope they at least got a good deal on them. Gotta watch the bottom line, you know.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Me 2 Years Ago VS. Me Now

On my way to work this morning, I was digging through my CD's and came across one simply titled '1/27/07'. I assume that's the date I burned it on. I listened to it for a bit, and found that my musical tastes haven't changed very much. I decided to look back 2 years in my blogging life and see what's changed. Turns out, quite a bit.

2 Year Ago: This blog was getting roughly 10 unique hits per day.
Now: I get over 200 hits per day on a regular basis.

2 Years Ago: I spewed for the first time
Now: I've essentially spewed everything I have to spew.

2 Years Ago: Kid #2 shit in the bathtub
Now: Kid #2 is completely potty trained.

2 Years Ago: I was getting ready to visit ADT for the first time
Now: I've been to Nationals at ADT twice.

2 Years Ago: I started the Song of the Day
Now: I'm still listening to the same shit because nothing decent has come out in 2 fucking years.

2 Years Ago: I was riding outside.
Now: Are you kidding me? Do you know how cold it is out there?

2 Years Ago: I decided to hire a coach, because I had now clue what I was doing.
Now: Well, some things never change.

2 Years Ago: My first-ever skinsuit displayed my balls prominently
Now: My current skinsuit displays my ass crack prominently.

2 Years Ago: I shaved my legs for the first time.
Now: I only shave prior to big events. I tend to get lazy on the manscaping.

2 Years Ago: I reached my goal of 200 pounds.
Now: Holdin' steady at 205-ish.

2 Years Ago: I wrote my 100th post.
Now: I've posted over 1,000 times.

2 Years Ago: I broke the ergometer at SCSU during a Wingate test.
Now: Still breakin' shit.

So Long, Old Friend

I was cleaning out my closet yesterday and decided it may be time to get rid of my Everyone Sucks Beer Helmet. It's awesome because it's true.

I just hope I can find a good home for it. We've had some good times.

Monday, January 26, 2009


What ever happened to Limp Bizkit?
I use at least 3 Q-Tips a day.
Why am I supposed to take as much ibuprophin as a 12-year-old. I am twice the size of most 12-year olds. Shouldn't I take more?
Sarah Palin sure fell off the radar fast. I had completely forgotten about her until her recent announcement that she's going to be writing a book. I think you're a bit late on that one, cupcake, no one cares anymore.
Similarly, I have not heard anyone referred to as a Maverick for several months. It's been awesome.
Someone recently stole my credit card number. If I find that person, I will destroy them. Mostly I'm just pissed because it is uber-annoying to have to go through a whole week without any form of electronic payment.
I found Mario Kart yesterday. Target RULES! Also, I'm glad real-life cars are easier to drive than Mario Karts.
It is unacceptable for a grown man to use a bag on wheels to transport his laptop. UNACCEPTABLE!
Sprite Zero is awful. Why does it exist?
I hate feet. I think they're gross and disgusting. I can't even remove my own socks without washing my hands afterwards.
I get almost all my news from The Soup. One of the best shows on TV.
Speaking of great shows, Rock of Love III has been phenomenal. I can't believe Bret sent Marcia home last night! Or than Beverly is still there! Or that Brittany lasted as long as she did! OMG! I could go on. JT, you know where I'm comin' from.
I eat my meals one item at a time. I must finish that item before moving on. I don't know why, I just do.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I've Been Fueled By Octane

I still have no desire to get on the ergo, but I've grown tired of being a pile of shit, so today I used our elliptical machine for the first time ever. It was OK. The best part was that, after I was done, the screen said "You've been fueled by OCTANE", and that made me feel really fast.

I've been essentially worthless lately, and working out has been helping me find my awesome. I need my awesome.

My "stop being a piece of shit" diet and workout program starts tomorrow. Gotta be less fat for my upcoming vaca! w00t!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Stupid Karma

This is me. Stuck. At 11:30 at night. It's -10 with a wicked wind. I'm wearing dress shoes. I have no hat or gloves.


Stop E-Mailing Me, I'll Post Something When I Feel Like It

I gots riterz bloque or sum shitz. Da bunnie wit da pankake on hiz noggin iz fresh az fukk tho. Ya dig?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I've Got Big Plans For You

Fucking Winter

I'm sick of winter. The kids are going nuts, the dog is going nuts, and pretty much everyone I talk to and everything I do annoys me. I can't get motivated to do anything, and that pisses me off, too. Fuckity fuck fuck.

Must be the time of year. I need a vacation. Or medication. Either way...

I've been trying to book a vacation for late February, but guess what? Due to the economy, tourism is down, so travel agencies have inexplicably RAISED THEIR PRICES! You know what? That pisses me off. It's stupid. And I want to go someplace warm RIGHT NOW and I'm going to pout until I get my way.

Circuit City is closing. That blows, because one of my best friends is a manager there, and now he's out of a job. Even so, I figured I could find some cheap shit there. FAIL. It was insanely busy, as the vultures were out in full force. I felt like I was at WalMart...dirty people everywhere. The kicker is that this so-called "Liquidation Sale" sucked donkey balls. 10% off the entire store. That's it. Are you kidding me? I just got a fucking 20% off coupon on the mail the other day. But "Ha Ha", the joke's on me! No coupons are accepted. Fucking asshat liquidators. Fuck.

I spent almost an entire evening trying to find Mario Kart for my (I mean Max's) Wii. Every place in town is out of stock. Mario Kart. Out of stock. Who would have thought you'd ever hear those two phrases together?

I can't think of anything else to bitch about, so that's what you get.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Stupid Celebrities

Pump up your fucking tires!

I'm obviously using the word "celebrity" very loosely here.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Don't Take My Picture, Asshole. Just Pull Me Out!

My wife drove into a drift on the side of the road and got stuck. Then flipped me off when I was taking her picture. Maybe I am an asshole! At least I got to try out my new tow-rope.

Here's a bonus photo contributed by The Richter, who asks "How to people end up off the road on the inside of curves?" One of the great questions of our time...

I have a new reason to love Winter!

Saturday, January 17, 2009


We had our end-of-the-season team party last night at One On One. Good food, good beer, good people. Gene even broke out a bottle of his Special Reserve wine for the occasion. Classy.

Since Franz couldn't make it, we figured someone better pose.

The 'Fix Chicks

Bob graced us with his presence. I think he just came for the carrot cake.

The Richter, well on his way to becoming invincible through the eating of Twinkies.

Those damn college kids are so resourceful. It's a shirt...AND a beer holder. Clever bastard.

Dubie explaining the finer points of...something.

Extreme close-up

We determined that Andy somehow got whiter on his trip to Texas.

The Ninja came out of hiding for a night.

These are the Banjo Brothers. For reals.

Thanks to everyone for a killer season!

Friday, January 16, 2009


So, I've decided I want a new road bike. I've also come to terms with my fear of carbon, and I think I'm ready to take the plunge. Warranty issues notwithstanding, I really like the Giant TCR Advanced line of bikes. I think they're one of the best values out there and everyone who owns one seems to love it.

Sounds good, right? Well, here's the problem: I don't know which one I want.

The TCR Advanced 3 looks great, but only has 105 components and shitty wheels.

The TCR Advaced 2 has better Ultegra components and Mavic wheels, but the turquoise and white color scheme looks incredibly lame, which is unacceptable.

The TCR Advanced 1 looks good, but has SRAM components, and I really want to go back to Shimano.

The TCR Advanced SL line of bikes is a bit out of my price range, and honestly, I won't put on enough miles to justify something that nice.

I'm leaning towards the TCR Adavanced 3. I had 2006 Ultegra on my previous road bike, so I figure the '09 105 components should be at least as good, if not better. The cheapo bar/stem can be replaced with parts I have in my garage, and I'm fairly certain I can come up with some decent wheels.

What say you?


I was checking my naked self out in the mirror yesterday, as I sometimes do, and realized that my recent slacking off has resulted in significant loss of muscle size and definition. I decided then and there to start an ass-kicking workout regimen and resume a high-protein diet.

The first couple weeks will be a bit less than max effort in order to get my body accustomed to lifting again, then I'm going on a 4-week bender of protein shakes and iron. And maybe a burrito or two.

Is this superficial? Yes. Do I give a shit? No.

I figure I'll look like this in about a month:

Well, except for the thong.

Yesterday was my first "real" workout, and I'm sore as shit today.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Leader Bike Warranty

As I wrote a while back, I sent my fork back to Leader Bike USA for warranty replacement because there was something loose inside one of the fork legs.

I finally heard back from the today (more than a month after I sent the fork), and their official statement is that "there's a foreign object in the fork leg". Well, no shit. That's why I sent it in!

He goes on to say that it's not their fault, and that there's no way it would have passed their quality control. While I do want to believe that it didn't leave the factory this way, it's my feeling that something must have jiggled loose during shipping. Unfortunately, it seems the burden of proof is on me.

I don't know how I could possibly have gotten something inside the fork leg. By the sound of it, it's clearly too big to have gone in through one of the drain holes in the bottom of the legs. If there's no way it could have gotten in, it must mean that it was ALREADY THERE, right?

The customer service rep was quite pleasant, and explained that since an engineer had tested the fork, found it to be structurally sound, and determined that the object was in fact foreign, his hands were tied. I understand that the company is operating on pretty small profit margins and doesn't want to be all free and loose with their warranty program, but I was hoping to hear better news.

At least I know that the noise is just an annoyance, and not a danger to my safety.

Regardless, I'm thinking about transitioning the Leader into a TT bike and getting a new road bike. The Leader has, Triathlon...geometry anyway.

I know what you're thinking: When the fuck are you going to use a TT bike?

Shut up, I do what I wanna do. Plus, look how pretty! Want!

Aw, who the hell knows. I'm pretty fickle these days.


I just woke up. This is the latest I've slept in a REALLY long time.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

More Pictures Of Cars That Randomly Drove Into The Ditch

It's a freakin' epidemic!

Here's one from my drive home yesterday. On the wrong side of a divided highway.

I found this one just down the road from my neighborhood.

This photo is a big old FAIL, but just imagine that the 3 inches of bumper in the picture is connected to a car that is high-centered on the snow pile on the side of the road.

This isn't a car in the ditch, but it IS a photo of the van that drove into the ditch in front of me, and whose owner flipped me off (from my previous post on the subject). If only that other car hadn't come along, you'd be able to see the killer rims on this pimpin' van. It's unmistakeable.

Here's another one from last night.

One tow truck just finished pulling the other tow truck out of the ditch. FAIL.

PETA Backlash

It seems that the world is finally starting to see the PETA for what it really is. Many people believe that PETA just wants you to take good care of your cat. Not true. They believe that no one should own any animal. They want to take your beloved cat away from you, and likely euthenize it, like they did to 90.9% of the animals they "rescued" last year.

There was a BBC documentary called "Pedigree Dogs Exposed" (which itself is a bit extremist, but I digress...), which detailed the health problems being exacerbated by show-ring dogs. PETA decided to jump onboard and use this exposé to further their own misguided agenda. The film's creator had this to say:

"Our film is about animal welfare, not animal rights.

"PETA's animal welfare record is appalling. It kills 97 percent of the dogs that come to its shelters and admits its ultimate aim is to rid the world of what it calls the 'domestic enslavement' of dogs as either pets or working dogs.

"In stark contrast, and the reason we made the film, is that we believe pedigree dogs are of tremendous value to society and that something needs to be done to arrest the damage caused by decades of inbreeding and selection for 'beauty'. The film is a passionate call for urgent reform to save them before it is too late. To do that, there needs to be urgent reform of breeding practices and dog shows.

"PETA is a bunch of crackpots who do not care about anything but publicity and making money. They have not bothered to contact us -- and, indeed, if they did we would make it very clear we do not want their support. It devalues and marginalises a film that raises a serious issue that needs to be addressed, and quickly."

PETA is a group of extremists who believe that to own any animal is enslavement. They believe all animals should run free and that there should be no pet animals at all. PETA's mission statement is end pets forever.

People who donate to this "humane" society are essentially paying to have someone lobby to have their pets taken away.

A few years ago, PETA employees were caught "rescuing" live dogs from an animal shelter, euthenizing them, and dumping the bodies behind the Piggly Wiggly. No joke. Full story here.

I can't conceive how this organization has continued to operate under the guise of "helping animals", garnering endorsements from ignorant celebrities and receiving charitable donations by the millions, yet no one seems to know what they actually stand for: euthenizing animals and eridicating pets altogether.

The hypocrisy is mind-boggling.

What can we do? Donate to our local shelters, volunteer, and promote responsible pet ownership.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dog Boots

Last time we had -20 degree temperatures I let the dog out to go to the bathroom. After he didn't come back to the door for several minutes, I went out to look for him, only to find him lying on his back in the snow, whimpering, in an attempt to keep his feet off the bitter-cold ground.

Now, Bandit has some homemade dog boots, and he is less than impressed. He slides all over the floor because he can't get traction on the hardwood. It's actually quite funny.

He seemed a bit happier once we got outside and he realized that he can now walk on the snow for more than 15 seconds without freezing his feet.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Anniversary Weekend Recap

Even though we're planning a "real" vacation in February, the lovely wife and I still wanted to get away for a weekend to celebrate our 5-year anniversary at Lusten.

Ya know how sometimes something looks nice online, then when you get there, it really sucks balls? That's just how our motel was. Yeah, it's a freakin' MOTEL.

At least the view was good.

I honetly think we stayed at the shittiest place on the north shore. What a hole. The worst part was that there was hardly enough water pressure to even flush the toilet. Anyone who knows me knows that I need lot of flushing power! We could barely shower. Talk about a weak stream! There was also a very strange channel line-up on the TV. CNN, The Outdoor Channel, and HGTV. That's it. We spent a lot of time watching home makeover shows. Now my house feels all inadequate.

We spent Friday afternoon and most of Saturday snowboarding.

I decided that I'm never going to be very good at snowboarding, so I'm going to try skiing. Some twin tips may be just the ticket! I mean, I'm OK, but I want to be able to do jumps and tricks and what not, and it just ain't happenin'. I'm not patient enough to keep trying after 4 years of mediocrity. My problem is that I don't do well with being "OK" at things. I either have to be good or I don't do it.

The gondola ride is always fun.

Saturday afternoon we checked out some of the XC ski trails, and it was absolutely incredible. The trails were in perfect condition, and the scenery was breathtaking. It was the perfect way to end the day.

We sat and watched the moon rise, then went out for dinner and drinks. Mmmmm, drinks.

On our way home we stopped to do some snowshoeing on the Superior Hiking Trail. I was hoping to see some wildlife, but the woods just seem desolate and dead this time of year. It's peaceful, yet a little spooky.

I'm tired, too. Let's go home.