Wednesday, September 30, 2009

There's A Dude Playing A Ukulele

So you know it's a fuckin' party!

I even spelled ukulele right. I checked.


Look at the fucking composition of this pictire. Fucking beautiful.

I'm drunk.

Wine Tasting

Mike and Kaiya are here.

I may not make it to work tomorrow.

More later.

Dear Empi, Fuck Off.

This company is everything that is wrong with the health care industry. Screwing customers over with their overpriced snake oil that doesn't work, then fucking them when it comes to billing.

When I met with the orthopedic dude a few weeks after my crash, he sent me to physical therapy. Once there, I was told that they really couldn't do anything for me until all the swelling went down. I was issued a SportX TENS unit, made by Empi. I signed paperwork stating that I was renting the unit on a monthly basis. After insurance, it would have cost me about $8/month.

A week or so later, I received a call from one of their representatives. She was quite friendly, asking about the weather, checking on how I was feeling, and asking if I needed any more sticky pads for "the unit" (hehe). I did, and she said they'd be sent out. End of conversation.

Several weeks later, I received a bill for the purchase of the unit. For $1500. Obviously insurance covered some of it, but I was still responsible for a big chunk of change. The bill stated that, if I had questions, I should contact Audrey. I called her and attempted to explain the situation, that I should only be charged for the rental, but she was rude and dismissive. She stated that I had to talk to Cathy something-or-other, as she was the only person who could help me, and that my account stated "patient consented to purchase of unit". The fuck I did!

Then she hung up on me.

I called back and asked to be transferred to Cathy (since I didn't have her number). I got a recording. I left a message with all my information, and requested that she call me back.

Days passed. I heard nothing.

This scenario was repeated 8 times over the next month. 8 fucking times! No call back. Being told that this mysterious "Cathy" is the only person who can help me. I'm convinced that Cathy is the name of their answering machine.

Meanwhile, the bills keep coming. I call Audrey (who is highly unpleasant) again and try to plead my case. Listen, you want your money, I want to pay my bills, let's work this out. Nope, only Cathy can help. She hung up on me again.

The bills keep coming. Collection notices.

I was torn. I didn't want to give these unscrupulous assholes my money, but I also didn't want my credit fucked up.

So I paid them. What else could I do? It was impossible to talk to anyone there. If I got too pushy they hung up on me. If I tried to be nice, they transferred me to Cathy. So, I paid them in order to keep my credit intact, then filed reports with the MN State Attorney General and the Better Business Bureau, hoping I could maybe get it refunded after the fact.

I see that the company already has an "F" rating from the BBB. Not a good sign.

Now I'm stuck with a $1500 battery-sucking paperweight that offers no tangible benefits for my particular ailment.

And I'm pissed off.

Short of driving to their headquarters and shitting on their doormat, I'm out of ideas. And that pisses me off even more.

I'm Classy As Fuck

I will be attending a wine tasting tonight. It's a fundraiser to provide scholarships to junior riders and help maintain our local trails.

It's also an excuse to get drunk.

Am I supposed to dress up for this shit? Anyone?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

When Did This Happen?

Fuck it, I'll use my bike pump.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Weekend Recap

We went down to my mom's house for the weekend, and spent Saturday out at my grandma's farm.
It had been about 10 years since I'd driven a tractor, but I actually remembered how and was able to take the kids for rides. Big fun. This actually used to be our tractor when we were farm folk.

Then we went over to the nursing home to see my grandpa. We brought sloppy joes and root beer floats. The kids even behaved well, which is a freakin' miracle.
As with all weekends, this one was way too short. After watching the Vikings win (fuck yeah!) while eating a delicious jalapeño burger, we got to drive home in a damn wind storm. It was aight though, because there were rainbows everywhere.
I also got my mom set up with my old iBook, so now she can chat with dudes online. If only she can figure out that pesky "internet" thing.

Nothing else too exciting to speak of. I'm relatively aimless right now. Hunting season starts soon, so I should probably work on getting Bandit in shape now that his back is all healed up. Aaaaaand...that's about it.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Más de Pesca

I celebrated one of the last truly warm days we may have this year by kicking it on the lake for most of the day. Right away in the morning, I met my friend Brett to check out his new boat. It kicks ass.
When I got there, I promptly backed into this tree and broke my tail light.
Brett and I didn't do very well, only catching about 10 fish in 7 hours, but it was still fun to get out. Plus, beer.

From there, I went directlyto my in-law's lake, where I pulled in about 50 Northerns (or, "Notherens", as Max says) in 3 hours.

Max had a huge one on here, but it got off before I could get it in the boat.
This was probably our average size, with a few itsy bitsy buggers and 3 really big-uns.

Then we took the dock out of the lake, which officially signifies the end of Summer. *sigh*

Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Name My Boat" Contest Still Open!

Here's a couple more pics to whet your appetite. See all the previous submissions here.

My wife and kids have submitted their suggestions:

Puppy Boat

Clearly, my family has no clue what they're doing and are no longer welcome to offer their input.

Oh, and Fraley piped in with "The Big Conch" (like the shell), and the "Break-A-Leg".

The best suggestions will be added to a poll and the voting will begin.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Good Luck Getting In

If you would park like a normal person we wouldn't have this problem. Perhaps you're not cut out for life in a full-size pickup truck.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Gimme and 'F'! Gimme an 'M'! Gimme an 'L!


I am currently confined to a small, stuffy room with several of my co-workers in a 3-day "working session".

We've been loaned out to another group to help them meet a deadline, so we're sitting here writing legal documents.

It does not rock.

And I Didn't Even Get Botulism

We had one bad-ass tomato crop this year. Check it: one even grew a nose!
Anyway, after making as much fresh salsa as we could eat, Kristin and her sister decided to can the rest.

We've got salsa...
...and spaghetti sauce.
For hours after tightening the lids on the jars we kept hearing the "pop" of them sealing themselves. It was awesome. Pop. "YESSSSS!"

Apparently, improper canning is the leading cause of Botulism in America. Since they'd never canned anything before, they were mildly concerned. We needn't have worried. We recently made some lasagna made with our spaghetti sauce and not only was it delicious, we didn't get sick and die. Score!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Everyone, Come See How Important I Am!

I got the reserved spot!

While everyone else was secretly scheming and speculating as to who would get assigned the "department parking spot", I asked my manager if I could have it. He said yes.

OK, actually that's not quite true. When the sign first went up, no one was parking in the spot. So I started parking there. I then told my manager that I was parking there, and he should let me know if/when he assigned it to someone so I could discontinue parking there. He replied, "Whatever, you can have it for the first month."

It's like "The Secret" (you know, that book that your mom bought?), I acted like the spot was mine, then it was!

We have another parking spot as well (hence the "2" on the sign), but no one wants it since it's on the other side of the parking lot.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Gotta Have Stuff

I've been having a lot of fun fishing this summer, so obviously I had to go buy more shit. Everything is on clearance this time of year, so the timing was right.
I needed a new tackle box, because my old one looked like this.
I also got a new pliers and line cutter.
Since the lake I normally fish on is exteremely weedy, I ordered up a fat sack of weedless fish traps. They arrived the very next day! That's service! It helps that they're made in Glencoe.
Their design is so simple, yet no one else makes anything like it.
Now that I'm all organized and have new lures, I suppose I won't catch anything else this year.

Friday, September 18, 2009

I'm Too Awesome

I posted this on Twitter, but it was too good to not be on the blog, too.

Sick As A Dog Now. Gonna Vomit...

1-pound shroom & swiss burger at Burger Time. Too much. Just way too much.

St. Joe PD Disapproves Of You, Vagrant!

How dare you stand on their corner and bring down their property value!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

No Explanation

Proving that even a blind squirrell finds a nut once in a while, I shot a 37 at sporting clays last night, setting the record for our informal league.

My first time shooting for the year was 5 (or maybe it was 6) weeks agao, when I shot a 17. No, that's not a typo. 17. The next week was a bit better, with a 25. Then a 27, then a 28. All the while, Franz & Co. were shooting in the 30's.

I've always considered myself to be a relatively poor shot. I tend to blame my cross-eye dominance, which, let's be honest, is a pain in the ass, but not a true handicap. In reality, I've just never bothered to put in the time required to get comfortable enough with my gun to shoot consistently.

Hopefully now I can spend the fall hunting season cleaning birds instead of making excuses.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Slaughtered 'Em

I busted out of work a bit early yesterday to take Max fishing, and we had our best Northern fishing of the year. We averaged 1 fish for every 2-3 minutes we spent trolling. The kid is my lucky charm.
We even pulled in a few bass.
Average size was around 30", and they were biting on everything.
Max, who doesn't eat fish, was seriously bummed that we weren't going to keep and clean all the fish he caught. Not sure why, though. Cuz, like I said, he doesn't eat fish.

Ten-T: Fashion Designer

Someone needs to design clothing for athletic people. I'm not talkin' about that "athletic cut" they have at Target. That's nothing more than the adult version of "Husky".

I'm talkin' shirts that are wide at the shoulders, tapered at the waist. I'm talkin' pants that are narrow at the waist, and wide through the thighs.

Here's my drawing of what they would look like:

Obviously, this is just the casual wear. We'd have to do a business line as well.

Someone make it happen. Please?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Freak Fest

We went to the Renaissance Festival last weekend, and damn if I didn't have some great people-watching! Right when we walked in the door, I saw this wonderful muffin-top. Of course, the place was rife with muffin-tops, so I decided they weren't worth photographing anymore. Too easy.
Here's our crew. It was like 100 degrees out. The beer was much-needed.
Lyle has had a few drinks.
Soda? She's drinking soda?My mom is the whole reason we go to the Freak Fest every year. She loves that place.
Check out the back-boobs! How would you not know you have a B-cup below your shoulder blades?
I didn't know Kyle could juggle. I've got new respect for his carnie skills.
Kid on a leash!
Some lady sleeping (passed out???) on a bench.
A tortoise pulling a cart. Jackalope? Either way, he must be sweating like crazy.
This is a real dog. Kinda looks like a fox. Or a coyote. Or dingo.
Chum Bucket! Just like on Spongebob!
While we were walking around snickering about the people who wear their costumes to Freak Fest, I was joking that I was going to dress up like a ninja next year. Lo and behold, I see a dude dressed as a ninja!
Those aren't tan lines. Those are dirt lines. My sandals used to be black. Shoe choice fail! But beer choice WIN. That's Guiness, and it's delicious.
Puke and Snot. The original Snot died last year. I wonder how they found another comedian named Snot?
Look at the gut on that! Does she not own a mirror?
And another one. It was like flabby fire-dancer day or something.
She likes my meat, what can I say?
Greasiest cheese curds ever. It was like a puddle of grease. This is my co-worker, Lou. In the background is a guy with a pumpkin on his head. Now you can die knowing that you're cooler than someone.
I've never seen the picture on the handle of a trunk release before, and I found it very funny. Quick! Jump out and run away!
We stopped at Trader Joe's on our way home, and, despite this sign, forgot our reusable bag in the car.