Unnecessary Instructions

Pube Centerpiece

Sorry, but that's what it looks like!

I love weddings.

Eff Da Police

Fuckity fuck.

Dammit!!!

Post-Thanksgiving Pheasant Hunt

Bandit is sad because I can't shoot. We flushed 1 rooster and 4 hens in 2 hours.

I should have brought Ted. He once shot 10 birds with 11 shells. He wouldn't have let that damn rooster get away.

T-Giving Ride

Ted gets photo credits for this masterpiece.

Leg Day

Playin' Hookie

Blanket + Candle =

I should note that this is neither my blanket nor my fault.

I Broke Ted's Poker Stick

It's a gift.

Fire Hydrant Fail

At the end of our road.

PSA

Grand Rios waterpark cares about Minnesota's athletes.

Big Girl

Success!

My nephew shot his first deer this year, and he got it with his bow, not with a rifle like all those "cheaters" out there (his words, not mine).

Ice Cream Of The Future, Beeyotch!

In Case Anyone Is Interested

It was the fuel pump, and it's not going to be cheap.

This Is Why You Don't Get A Car Loan From Your Parents

In The Tow Truck

Piece of shit Explorer broke down in Maple Grove.

New Life Plan

I'm going to start a company that makes douchey-looking t-shirts and sells them for $86 at The Buckle.

Shit, looks like someone beat me to it. .

Plum Creek Is A Bit Muddy

The trail was great, but the places where it crosses the road were sloppy as shit!

School Lunch

Just like I remember it.

Hollywood Undead - Undead

Bodacious P's Baby

Found 'Em

After more than a week of frantic searching, I found the keys still in the lock.

Motivating me...ur doin' it wrong.

Thanks to Chris Hoy for reminding me that I don't want to train again. Ever.

May I Please Speak To Someone Who's Not Retarded?

I had to call a local car dealership this morning to find out if my wife's car is still under warranty. The guy in the service department needed the last 8 characters of the VIN to determine the warranty status, and what followed was one of the most frustrating conversations ever.

Me - OK, the last 8 characters are 4-F-0-0-2-3-2-9.
Guy - That's not coming up, are you sure that's right?
Me - Yes, I'm looking at it right now.
Guy - Sir, you gave me 9 digits.
Me - No I didn't
Guy - Yes sir, you did.
Me - OK, repeat them to me.
Guy - 4-F-0-0-2-3-3-2-9.
Me - You have two 3's in a row, there should only be one
Guy - So, it should be 4-F-0-0-2-3-2-9-3? That's 10 digits.
Me - Did I say that? No. Let me read it do you again. 4-F-0-0-2-3-2-9.
Guy - 4-F-0-0-2-3-3-2-9.
Me - You still have two 3's in a row, there should only be one.
Guy - so it's 4-F-0-0-2-2-3-2-9?
Me - No, now you have two 2's in a row. Look at the number you have. You see where it says "22"? Cross out one of those 2's.
Guy - Is it supposed to be a 3?
Me - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Let's start over. One letter at a time.
4-----F-----0-----0-----2-----3-----2-----9.
Guy - 4-F-0-0-2-3-3-2-9? That's still 9 digits.
Me - *Sigh* Oh, I know the problem...I must have read you one too many 3's. Could you please remove one of those? I think it'll be right then.
Guy - Yep, that worked! Those VIN numbers are kind of hard to read, aren't they?
Me - Uh...Yeah, you bet! Thanks SO much for your help.

Why let this guy talk to people on the telephone? WHYYYYYY?????

I Keep Forgetting

And my wife is sick of it.

11 PM. Still Working.

This is why I haven't been blogging much lately. Bodacious P and I have been busting our asses trying to get a project completed before his wife pops out a kid on or before Wednesday.

Big Girl Bed

Chess

My kids are smarter than me...sorry, smarter than 'I'.

OMFG

Madagascar 2 totally ripped off the plot from Lion King. WEAK!

Madagascar 2, Then A Root Beer Float

Life is gooooooooood.

Bailing

Hell if I'm racing in this shit tomorrow. I'm too soft for this.

Have an EPIC race!

Awwwwww...

My boys.

Because No One Cares What I Think...

...I'll keep this short.

I can't think of a time in the last 10 years that I've been so proud to be an American. I woke up today with a renewed sense of hope for the future of this great country.

I'm ready to Barack out with my cock out!

McCain showed a lot of class in his concession speech. Good to see, because it would have been very easy for him to be a dick about it.

I'm glad Michele Bachmann won, but only because I don't think I could handle the alternative. The Dems always seem to find a way to select candidates that no one can relate to. Tinklenberg was dorky and stiff, and seemed disingenuous. Plus, Bachmann voted against the bailout.

It's ridiculous that we have to wait for a recount in the Coleman/Franken race. How do they keep fucking this up?

The end.

I Voted

More Pheasants

This picture is like 2 years old, but I didn't have my camera on Sunday, so this'll have to do. I like posts with pictures.

Ted, Roman, and I got out hunting on Sunday. We ended up in a swampy-ass field, where we all got soaked up to our knees. Ted fell in a creek.

Once we finally found some dry land Bandit started flushing birds fast and furious, and we reached our limit. Ted even got to shoot a chuckar, which landed in a big mud puddle and got all uglyfied.

All my trash talk about Pete not being able to shoot must have backfired on me, because I couldn't hit shit. Ted was shooting well, but Roman and I both went through almost a full box of shells, with very little to show for it. I think I need to hit the trap range. I unloaded on a woodock, which I swear was laughing at me as it escaped into the trees.

Bandit did well again, but was moving a little slower than usual because he ripped off one of his dew claws. I may need to have those removed. He's also a bit small to be hunting for 3 people in thick grass. He just can't cover as much ground as the bigger dogs. He sure does have a good nose, though, and he's got the game figured out.

Good times indeed.

Spew

When I was little, I once wanted to know what time it was, so I threw rocks at passing cars until one stopped. I asked him what time it was, and he yelled at me for throwing rocks, then drove away without telling me what time it was. What a dick.
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I took an IQ test given by a real live psych student, and it confirmed what I've always said: I'm smarter than 99% of people.
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I've never really been able to ride a wheelie before, but I can on my new bike. Pimp.
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For the first time ever, I had no Halloween party to go to this year.
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At the daycare my son used to go to, there was a kid names Sebastian whose parents insisted that he be called 'Sea Bass'. Sea Bass? Really?
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"Maverick" is my least favorite word ever.
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I like the shows on Disney Channel. A lot.
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My daughter peed on my neck yesterday when I was giving her a ride on my shoulders.
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I think it's stupid when people give their pets human names, like Mike and Steve. I met a dog named Timothy yesterday.
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I'll never buy a Toyota, simply because of that "Saved By Zero" song. I counted 12 of those commercials during Sunday night football. Plus, they have that douchey Prius.
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I've been getting heartburn almost every night for the past two weeks. It's miserable.
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The only thing on TV at 4:00 AM is ProActive commercials.

Tequila!!!

This is my babysitter. She's 21 today. She's also my sister's boyfriend's sister, so it's not quite as creepy as it seems.

Eeyore and Spiderman Go Trick-Or-Treating

Both kids had big melt-downs after about 20 minutes, but we still ended up with a lot of candy. What's up with people giving out Mounds? Does anyone actually like those?

Pheasants

Bodacious P, Bandit, and I headed out to Sand Pines today to hunt some birds. It was killer. We flushed 11 birds and shot 6, which isn't bad considering Bodacious P can't shoot.

Bandit did really well. He's finally got the game figured out, and is a lot easier to control in his "old" age (he's almost 6 now!). Plus, he's just fun to watch. How many 18-pound pheasant-hunting terriers are out there?!?!?

Mini-retriever

He'll point 'em if they sit tight

Bodacious P doing what he does best: not shooting birds