Stearns County

Yes, I live in Stearns County. I was not born here, but have lived here for several years. We're known for very few things, one of them being "Stearns County Syndrome". Amazingly, the majority of Stears County residents do not know about this, but almost everyone from elsewhere in MN does. This started because of a group of Minneapolis Social Workers who declared that "in that county 75% of the families are involved in incest, usually father-daughter, and usually with the consent of the mother." Obviously, this is not the case today, as times have changed. However, I would like to add a few of my own Stearns County-isms

• The Stearns County Intersection: There will be a stoplight. It will not be timed with other stoplights along the road and no matter which way you are coming from, it will be red.
  
• The Stearns County Party: There will be Bud Light and a giant bonfire, burning permits be damned! Also, fireworks are traditionally fired in the direction of houses where residents are believed to be sleeping.
  
• The Stearns County Trailer Park: This must have a high-class name, preferably something containing the word "Estate".
  
• The Stearns County Road: Roads are only permitted to travel in a single direction for a distance of 0.5 miles, then must make an abrupt turn. We can't have out-of-towners successfully navigating the streets of our fair city.
  
• The Stearns County Paper: I wish I was making this up. The St. Cloud Times, in an effort to be PC, refuses to divulge the race of anyone suspected of a crime. The descriptions will read something to the effect of "Police are searching for a suspected serial killer. He is 5'8", approximately 170 pounds, with short-cropped hair." Thanks. I saw 35 people fitting that description on my way to work today.
  
• The Stearns County Stop: If, by chance, you come across an intersection that is not controlled by a stoplight, you will find a 4-way stop. This apparently short-circuits the brains of many Stearns County natives, and they find themselves unable to take turns and get through this obstacle in a logical manner.
  

I'm sure there are others, but I'm feeling lazy today.