In The Words of Pedro Sanchez...

"Well, I don't have much to say."

I have the worst vacation hangover ever. It doesn't help that my kids hate it when I sleep and have been waking up multiple times every night.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it got me to Vegas, didn't it? If I didn't suck at gambling, I probably could have bought a whole lotta happiness (no, I'm not talking about that, pervo).

Here's what I remember from the trip:

Immediately upon landing, I realised that my ass was going to be sweaty for 4 straight days, and there would be much chaffage. I was right.

We took a shuttle to our hotel, only to learn that taking a cab would have cost half as much and taken 1/10th the time. Live and learn, I guess. Our hotel reminded me of Treasure Island Casino in Red Wing. Obnoxious colors, old people everywhere, and enough flashing lights to make me thankful I don't have epilepsy. It was beautiful.

We blew some money on blackjack, bought tickets to a show, and got ready to go out. We had to take the monorail down to the strip, which was mildly amusing. We ate at Shibuya, which sounds like a strip club but isn't. It was one of my top-3 all time meals. It was "Fucking Awesome", for lack of more culinary-esque adjectives. Also, fucking expensive. I felt like a pimp. You know, like one of those pimps.

I'd heard some phenomenal reviews of Zumanity, so we went and checked it out. Turns out, it's super-gay and was actually quite boring to the point that it was really hard to sit through. Yet I had to sit, because my feet were ripped to shit from walking around for 5 hours in dress shoes. FAIL.

Day 2 consisted almost entirely of hanging out at the adults-only pool. We didn't go because it's "topless optional", we went because the other pool was full of noisy, screaming children. If I had wanted to hang out with kids, I would have stayed in MN. We played pool volleyball for about 3 hours, all while drinking $10 beers. Then we went out for steak and hit up "Bite" at our hotel. It was the single greatest show I've ever been to (except maybe the 3rd grade Chrismas concert where I puked on stage). It was a ton of fun! Fantastic soundtrack, smokin' "rock angels", and not one hint of homoeroticism. The rest of the night is a bit of a blur, but suffice it to say that we got back to our hotel around 6:00am, and proceeded to sleep for most of the afternoon.

When we finally got up we hit up an oxygen bar, which was sweet. We then ate at McDonald's because we'd lost all our money. A couple more hours of napping and we were ready to explore. We ate at Hard Rock, then tried to check out every hotel/casino on the strip. I think we only missed a few. I was under the impression that deserts were supposed to get cold at night, but it was still hot as shit. We ended the night by going to Treasure Island to watch their "Pirate Show", which was super-lame and super-corny.

The next day we got up, went to the airport, sat on the tarmac for 2 hours, then came home.

In hindsight, I guess I had a lot to say...it's just that none of it was particularly interesting. If you made it this far...you must not have much going on today.