Dear Leader Bike: Blow Me!

I'm sure you've all been at the edge of your seat waiting for the ending to the saga of my fork warranty issue with Leader Bike.

They told me they were sending it back to me, and when I hadn't gotten it after 2 weeks, I contacted them to find out what was going on. Their response? "Uh...we actually lost it. We'll send you a new one."

Success! I will not be denied! I thought to myself. Well, lo and behold, 5 days later my same old shitty fork shows up in the mail. Apparently, they found it.

The more I think about it, the more pissed I am. This whole process took over 3 months (actually, closer to 4), which is ridiculous. The "foreign object" in the fork leg is obviously something relatively large. I can tell by the sound it makes. The thing is, there's no openings anywhere on the fork that would allow such an object to get into the legs. Clearly, this is something that was in the fork leg from the beginning and jiggled loose. Any retard could see that.

I had thought that an American-based company which claims to pride itself on "stringent" product testing would want to make this right. I was wrong.

When I first got this bike, I was actually pleasantly surprised at the quality for the price. No more.

I will never buy another one of their products again. Furthermore, I will no longer suggest that anyone else purchase their products, either. The price may be right, but in the end it's just not worth it.

Should I have known better? Obviously. I'm willing to admit my mistake. Why aren't they?

My Favorite Jeans, Now With Added Ventilation!

They lasted over 3 years.

I had noticed they were getting a bit "worn". My co-worker noticed that they had worn all the way through! Awkward...

Of course I could patch it, but that would look silly. Also, I don't know how to apply a patch. I guess I could probably spend the $19 to get another pair.

Baby On A BlackBerry

Yes, she painted her own fingernails.

Lesson Learned

I hate ironing. Hate it. Because of this, I rarely wear button-up (or is it button-down?) shirts. I've tried designating one day each week as "ironing day" and ironing 5 shirts, but by the time I get around to wearing them they're wrinkled again (how the hell do they get wrinkled just hanging in my closet???)! Anyway...

I decided to take some clothes to the cleaners. It seemed pretty awesome...until I had to pay $17 for 4 shirts and a pair of pants! SO not worth it.

So now, on ironing day, I'll know exactly how much I'm saving, which will make it feel worthwhile. Or not. Probably not.

Oh, and I just learned about spray starch. That probably would have been good to know about.

I guess I don't really have a point. Just that I hate ironing, but that hatred is outweighed by how cheap I am.

Bouncin'

The kids and I went to Bounce Depot the other day to burn off some energy. Addi is completely fearless! She just turned 3 and will climb up, slide down, and bounce over anything they have there.

I was trying to get some good photos with my new camera, but the kit lens just wasn't quite up to it. Oh well, at least I got to look like a huge dork walking around with my big SLR camera.

Obsessed

I have a major obsession with sunglasses. Not sure what it is, I just love 'em. Since I didn't buy new ones last year, which is a travesty, I wanted to treat myself to some before I left for vacation. I checked out Oakleys, but they look dumb on my fat head. Same with Smith.

Then I went to see Ben at his shop, where I found some sweet new Tifosi shades. They look bad ass and they seems to be good quality. Plus, they're reasonably priced as far as performace shades go, so I bought two pairs!

Here's my new Tifosi Pave' sunglasses

And here's me wearing them.

Here's my new Tifosi Ventoux. They're more for casual wear.

And here's me wearing them

The Tifosi's come with a sweet case, too.

I figured I should also present to you, dear readers, some of the many other pairs of sunglasses I have.

These are my polarized glasses that I use for bowfishing

These were the first "real" sunglasses I ever bought, about 6 years ago. The yellow lenses are the only ones that are still usable.

I have a few pairs of aviators. I always think I like them, but I usually only wear them once or twice. They're pretty douchey.

These are the knock-off Oakleys I bought in Mexico for $4. I've never actually worn them.

My first pair of Smith Frontlines

I bought 4 pairs of these Smith Frontlines when I found out they were being discountinued. I have issues with the nosepeices falling apart. I'm really not diggin' any of the new Smiths. It's a shame, because they used to be my go-to company.

If you made it this far, I'm rewarding you with a photo of me wearing the glasses I was supposed to wear in high school. I think I wore them once.

Through this whole experience, I learned something: it's really difficult to take photos of sunglasses. Like, REALLY difficult. I should have just lifted stock images from manufacturers sites, but that would lack authenticity, eh?

This Is Why I'm Hot

As of this afternoon, this is where I'll be kicking it.

We're lucky enough to have several very helpful family family members that are coming to stay with our kids to allow us to go on such an awesome vacation.

I can't wait!!!

I've been having issues with packing, though. How many pairs of shorts? How many tank tops? Ugh. I feel like such a girl.

For The First Time In Over 2 Years...

Sub-200 pounds!

Until I really started focusing on my diet, I didn't realize how much crap I ate! I have more energy and feel a lot better in general. I feel like a pimp. You you, like one of those...pimps.

Cavendish Proves Worthy of Man-Crush

What a fuckin' stud. Damn, that's fun to watch! He's making the other sprinters look like like they're moving in slow-motion.

I'm inspired. Who wants to be my lead-out man in 2009?

F Your Life

Today I received information on one of the best web sites I've come across in a very long time: FMyLife.com, as in "Fuck My Life". It's hilarious and makes me feel better about myself through the bad things that happen to others. Because really, what good are other people if you can't derive joy from their pain?

Here's some samples:

"Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML"

"Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML"

"Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML"

"Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML"

"Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML"

"Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML"

"Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML"

"Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML"

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

"Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML"

h/t Luke

Great Success!

The 30-year-old phone in my office was finally swapped out for a brand spankin' new one. Now I'll be able to feel special while I talk to the 3 people who call me each month.

Hubs

More wheel goodies to come.

I Pity The Fool Who Had To Work Today

I got to hang out with a bunch of screaming kids at the water park. On second thought, maybe you should pity me.

Happy VD

Hello From Yo Mamma

Apparently there is some kid out there with the same name and me, and he is incapable of properly providing his e-mail address to people. I have deduced this based on the number of e-mails I get that are meant for him.

Yesterday, I received a recipe for chocolate chip cake from someone named Karen, who was excited to see me at school tomorrow. She also wanted me to know that the Shrimp Pasta recipe must be on Adam's computer, but she has a copy of it at home. Oh, and if I dip strawberries in chocolate, I should wipe them with a paper towel, not rinse them in the sink. Also, Abbet says Hi!

Now this kid's mom has been e-mailing me, with hilarious results. Yesterday, I received this e-mail from "Nancy" with the subject "H [sic] from mom":

Is this ur address?

First of all, whose mom writes in txt speak? Secondly, if it's your son, fucking call him and ask, don't just send out random e-mails. If you have to call someone, and you don't know their number, do you just start dialing and hope for the best?

I generally ignore these e-mails, mostly because I don't care, but also because if I respond I figure my address will now be in the address book of these people, thus giving a higher incidence of getting more inane e-mails from them.

Today, I had another, with he subject "Hello from yo mamma", which read:

Hi guys!
Is this Tay's gmail address cause I don't know!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !!!
TOMORROW
LOVE ALWAYS
MOM

Then I looked, and realized that she had copied 8 OTHER PEOPLE ON THE E-MAIL!!!!

I decided I should respond, lest she inconvenience me further. I replied with a simple "No. Wrong e-mail."

Undeterred, I got another e-mail from her, still with all 8 recipients:

Well, glad to get thtat straightened out!
I'll talk to you after 9:30
XX

*sigh*

I replied again: "No. Seriously. I'm a 28 year old computer programmer from MN. More importantly, I'm not your son."

Perhaps still not convinced, I received yet another e-mail 30 minutes later:

PS you can paick up grandma's laptop next Tues on your way up to Madison !

Oh boy! Can I?!?!?!?!?!?

I think I'll just stop responding, because she obviously does not have the mental capacity to handle me telling her to bang her dense head against a wall until reality sets in.

Oh, and based on her e-mail address, it appears that she is a high school teacher. Lucky kids.

I swear, I'm like a magnet for half-wits.

My Day On Weight Watchers

Last week, out of curiosity, I took a look at some Weight Watchers materials. For those who don't know how it works, they've basically simplified calorie-counting into a system of "Points". For example, a glass of milk is 2 points, a chicken breast is 4, and a Chipotle burrito is around 20. There's a formula based on your current age/height/weight which tells you how many points you are allotted each day.

I determined that, with this system, I could eat 33 points each day. I did some quick addition and found out that I had eaten 67 points the previous day. Maybe this wasn't so easy.

I decided to try an experiment. Could I do it for one day?

I woke up and had a healthy breakfast of OJ, FiberOne cereal, egg whites, and a yogurt. That's 12 points already. Coffee with creamer added another 2. Mid-morning I downed a 4-point protein shake. Lunch consisted of 2 chicken breasts, broccolli, and a glass of water. Whooo...was I ever alive with flavor! I had an afternoon banana and milk, which brought my mid-day total to 31. I tried to have a light dinner...grilled chicken with rice and veggies. Oops, that put me at 37.

But wait! I get 5 "activity bonus points" for 30 minutes of intense exercise. I hit the ergo hard for half an hour, then came back upstairs hungrier than I've ever been in my life. I'd never before experienced a "snack attack", but this must be what it feels like. All I could think about was food! I made my patented post-workout shake (milk, peanut butter, banana, protein powder) to stave off the urges, but that turned out to be 10 points, putting me at 47 for the day.

Fail.

Obviously, I knew going in that this type of diet wasn't designed for someone like me. Like so many one-size-fits-all solutions, it's designed for the average Joe or Jane who is overweight and relatively inactive. "Intense exercise" is defined as anything that makes you sweat after 5 minutes.

However, the experience did teach me a few things. Portion control is a big one. I don't need to sit down with 2 cheeseburgers when 1 will do. I used to get a 20-ounce Mr. Pibb whenever I went out for lunch, then get a refill. On WW, that would be 10 points. I always knew that sugar soda wasn't good for me, but it never really hit home until I realized how big of a hit it makes on daily calories. Corn chips are really bad, too. I figured they were relatively healthy (they're made of corn, after all), but one small bag would hit me for 12 points. Getting a side of vegatables at lunch is much better than a platter of fries, and they're actually quite tasty. I'm even learning to tolerate diet soda, though I'm not particularly happy about it. In short, there are a lot of foods out there that seems healthy, but aren't.

By changing my eating habits (albiet quite dramatically) and doing a few early-morning ergo sessions, I've lost 4 pounds in the last 9 days. It doesn't seem to have affected my training at all, which is likely due to the fact that none of the foods I eliminated do anything to contribute to athletic performace. Actually, they probably do just the opposite.

So, no, you won't see me pouring my heart out to a bunch of middle-aged women at a Weight Watchers meeting, but the basic principals are quite solid.

I'm off to eat an apple.

What?!?!?!?? New Music That Doesn't Suck? Believe It.

Franz's New Trainer

Cateye CS-1000

Spew

My daughter tells me I'm jealous when I have gel in my hair.
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I found a tennis ball in my freezer. I have no idea...
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Wooden spoons gross me out.
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If my name was Albert I'd want people to call me Al, not Bert.
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I've always thought it would be super fun to be a monkey.
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The snowplow busted the shit out of my recycling bin last week.
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People need to leave poor Mikey Phelps alone. Who cares?
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I think Frazier is one of the best shows to ever be on TV.
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I've found that one key to eating healthy is to stop having dessert after breakfast.
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I signed up for Twitter but haven't used it yet. I dunno.
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A dog once licked my butthole.

First Pics With New Camera

These were all shot in Auto mode with the standard lens and aren't particularly impressive, but I'm having fun with it regardless.

So, What's New?

It seems that lately I've been running into a lot of people I haven't talked to in several months. Invariably, we always ask each other, "What's new?" and I generally reply, "Nothing". It got me thinking. What is new?

Let's see...

I've started a pretty rigorous diet and workout program which has me cutting carbs in the evening and doing cardio first thing in the morning. It seems to be working, but I'm exhausted.

I've done a couple sprint workouts on my ergo and my max power is about the same as last year. I'm going to try to come into the season about 10 pounds lighter than last year, so if I can keep the same power I should be a bit faster.

I've been having lots of fun with my new camera, but I'm convinced that my old camera is going to sell for very cheap on e-bay. Kind of a bummer, since it's really nice. Hopefully someone will get a good deal and really enjoy it.

I was going to ride outside today, given the nice weather. However, my fork still has not been returned from Leader Bike USA. They've now had it since November! Maybe I'll ride my mountain bike. It's probably safer, anyway.

My wife has been letting me sleep in almost every day for the past two weeks. It's been awesome!

I've gotta take my Exploder in to get fixed today because the "Check Gas Cap" light keeps coming on. Yes, I did, in fact, check the gas cap. I need an oil change too.

My kids are at really fun ages now. They're old enough to be at least mildly self-sufficient, but they still need me and are super cute about it.

We got yet another note from the recycling pick-up people because we did not properly prepare our cardboard for recycling. The only way I'm going to learn is if they stop picking it up...their notes have no affect on me.

I'm really excited to be going on vacation in Mexico in a few weeks. I need to get the hell outta here!

Work has been really busy with some project deadlines coming up. It's nice to be able to throw myself into it, because it makes winter go by faster.

I've learned that I'm happier in life when I can obsess about something. Biking, hunting, wakeboarding, skiing, lifting, whatever...it keeps me motivated. I used to try not to obsess because it seemed to get in the way of other things, but I've learned that if I'm not obsessing over something, I will pretty much not do anything at all.

I'm currently dealing with my 4th cold in 2 months. It's really annoying. My kids are a freakin' germ factory.

I bought a sheet of glass to go on top my the desk in my office, but it had a scratch in it when I got home. I'll be getting another one today.

Other than that, I'm just hibernating till spring.

Stupid Kids

Look who buried his 4-wheeler?

Does Anyone Use Film Anymore?

I've had my Canon Rebel Ti 35mm camera for about 4 years and have maybe shot 10 rolls of film through it. Using film is just so inconvenient. I liked having an SLR, but couldn't bring myself to hike down to Walgreens to get it developed. OK, so I didn't literally hike there, but it was still lame.

Fortunately, I'm the lucky beneficiary of a Franz-family camera upgrade, so I now own this sweet Nikon D50 digital SLR.

I need to get a couple more lenses, but so far it's been taking phenomenal photos with just the standard lens.

Having cool stuff like this makes me want to learn more about photography. Yeah, I need another hobby like a need a penis on my elbow...

Ice Fishing Pics

The bathroom.

This is how Bodacious P spent most of the first day. Weak.

The generator allowed us to...

...watch Superbad.

Mr. Freeze...didn't.

Kyle's dogfish

Check out my hot leopard-print bunk!

We were way the hell out in the middle of the lake.

It was a bit windy. Nate got blown about 30 feet just standing there.

Look how big my walley looks with some creative photography!

Look how big it actually is.

Mmmm...Bacon...