It happened when I was at one of my first-ever college parties. Now, I fancied myself an epic partier, but reality sometimes has a way of crushing our dreams.
We had arrived at our 3rd house party of the night, and I was already pretty drunk. They were having a wop party, which contains a lot of freakin' alcohol. There were other illicit substances there, but we won't go into that. Anyway, this led to me becoming, for lack of a better term, completely shitfaced. I must have had 6 or 7 glasses. Not a bad value for $5, if I do say so myself.
I was chatting up some ugly girls when I realized I had to piss. Like, really bad. I asked one of the ugly girls where the bathroom was, and she pointed to a room in the corner. My first clue that this was not the bathroom should have been the fact that there was a lock on the door. It must have been a shitty lock, because I was able to outsmart it, even in my inebriated state.
Once I entered the room, I realized that it was some dude's bedroom. Not being of sound mind, it seemed perfectly logical to piss in the corner.
About halfway through my piss, someone walked in a shouted, "What the fuck are you doing in here!?!?!?!?" I quickly put my dong back in my pants and said that I was looking for the bathroom.
Well, the act of putting my dong away must have looked like I was putting something in my pocket, because he yelled out to his friend that I was in his room trying to steal shit. I guess I'd rather they think I'm stealing shit than know that I was pissing in the corner. I think. In hindsight, neither situation is ideal.
Anyway, they checked my pockets and didn't find anything, obviously. As they were dragging me out of the house, one of my buddies says, "Dude, did that guy catch you peeing in his room?" Fuck.
"You pissed in my room???? You pissed in my room????"
"Ummmm...I guess so. Sorry."
I started to walk away, but one of his friend tripped me from behind. Then the dude kicked me in the head 3 times before being pulled away. It hurt like a bitch from what I remember.
I would have accepted, I dunno, maybe a gut-punch or something from the guy. I'll admit it was disrespectful and gross. But to attack me from behind then kick me in the head when I'm down...well, that's just a bitch move. Apparently he got punched in the face later in the night, so I guess I feel pretty good about that.
Since then, I've always been sure to be cognizant of where the bathroom is when I go to a party.
[This is just the first installment in a series of posts about injuries that I didn't want to sustain but probably deserved, including "The First Time I Got Kicked In The Balls" and "The First Time I Got Headbutted By A Division 1 Linebacker". *sigh* Memories...]
2 comments:
T, you should have a reality show on MTV. Viva la T!
Can not wait for part two. The first time I heard this story was 2 weeks ago riding with Crosby and Taylor. Taylor telling the story was the only time Crosby was not dropping us.
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