F Your Life

Today I received information on one of the best web sites I've come across in a very long time: FMyLife.com, as in "Fuck My Life". It's hilarious and makes me feel better about myself through the bad things that happen to others. Because really, what good are other people if you can't derive joy from their pain?

Here's some samples:

"Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML"

"Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML"

"Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML"

"Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML"

"Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML"

"Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML"

"Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML"

"Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML"

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

"Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML"

h/t Luke