Spew - Mexico Edition

Everyone there loves the Minnesota Vikings. Many of them had tattoos, and knew the whole history of the team. Needless to say, they thought I was awesome by association.
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I think someone informed the entire Mexican population that white people find any mention of tequila to be a novelty. "You want coffee señor?" Si. "Coffee with tequila????" Hahahaha. Invariably, every white person within earshot would give a hearty guffaw. Repeat similar situations 15-20 times daily.
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I took the biggest dump of my life. It was amazing!
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Every radio station that doesn't play Mexican music plays top-40 hits from the 80's. Lots of Duran Duran and Cindy Lauper.
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I may have broken my big toe playing beach volleyball.
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I think Mexico may be considering changing their national anthem to Hey Baby by DJ Ötzi (check it here). I heard that song no less than 50 times.
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Old people on vacation are wierd as shit. Stop reliving your youth and just age gracefully!
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The exchange rate at our hotel was $1 to 14 pesos, but the beach vendors still calculated it as $1 to 10 pesos, so I would exhange my money at the hotel, then spend the pesos with the vendors for an extra 40% increase. I felt like such a high roller!
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The chaffage was severe.
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The flags near the beach were always red, indicating "No Swimming", yet there were always lifequards on duty and tons of people in the ocean.
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I got to see a middle-aged couple get saved after they swam out too far and couldn't get back to shore. The lady got dragged to the beach, then stood up and smacked her husband and stormed away, hugging the lifequard. It was awesome!
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I am not happy to be home.
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Our hotel room TV had over 200 channels, only 3 of which were in English. The rest were English shows, voiced over in Spanish. Los Simpon (The Simpsons) was great though!
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I did a yoga class on the beach. It was fun, but the class literally lasted 12 minutes. At least it was free.
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I did not get to see any drug wars. I didn't even hear about them till I got back home.
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The service was amazing everywhere we went. Better than I've ever received at even the most expensive restaurants back home. Then again, I consider PF Chang's to be expensive.
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I didn't want to come home without a good tan, so I went half a day without sunscreen. I'm still peeling.
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We were told upon check-in that if we wanted to buy Tequila (of course we do, we're white, aren't we????) we should buy it at WalMart. Eh?
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I only got sick once. There was about an 8-hour period in which I couldn't trust any farts, but other than that we were healthy as can be.