Dear Empi, Fuck Off.

This company is everything that is wrong with the health care industry. Screwing customers over with their overpriced snake oil that doesn't work, then fucking them when it comes to billing.

When I met with the orthopedic dude a few weeks after my crash, he sent me to physical therapy. Once there, I was told that they really couldn't do anything for me until all the swelling went down. I was issued a SportX TENS unit, made by Empi. I signed paperwork stating that I was renting the unit on a monthly basis. After insurance, it would have cost me about $8/month.

A week or so later, I received a call from one of their representatives. She was quite friendly, asking about the weather, checking on how I was feeling, and asking if I needed any more sticky pads for "the unit" (hehe). I did, and she said they'd be sent out. End of conversation.

Several weeks later, I received a bill for the purchase of the unit. For $1500. Obviously insurance covered some of it, but I was still responsible for a big chunk of change. The bill stated that, if I had questions, I should contact Audrey. I called her and attempted to explain the situation, that I should only be charged for the rental, but she was rude and dismissive. She stated that I had to talk to Cathy something-or-other, as she was the only person who could help me, and that my account stated "patient consented to purchase of unit". The fuck I did!

Then she hung up on me.

I called back and asked to be transferred to Cathy (since I didn't have her number). I got a recording. I left a message with all my information, and requested that she call me back.

Days passed. I heard nothing.

This scenario was repeated 8 times over the next month. 8 fucking times! No call back. Being told that this mysterious "Cathy" is the only person who can help me. I'm convinced that Cathy is the name of their answering machine.

Meanwhile, the bills keep coming. I call Audrey (who is highly unpleasant) again and try to plead my case. Listen, you want your money, I want to pay my bills, let's work this out. Nope, only Cathy can help. She hung up on me again.

The bills keep coming. Collection notices.

I was torn. I didn't want to give these unscrupulous assholes my money, but I also didn't want my credit fucked up.

So I paid them. What else could I do? It was impossible to talk to anyone there. If I got too pushy they hung up on me. If I tried to be nice, they transferred me to Cathy. So, I paid them in order to keep my credit intact, then filed reports with the MN State Attorney General and the Better Business Bureau, hoping I could maybe get it refunded after the fact.

I see that the company already has an "F" rating from the BBB. Not a good sign.

Now I'm stuck with a $1500 battery-sucking paperweight that offers no tangible benefits for my particular ailment.

And I'm pissed off.

Short of driving to their headquarters and shitting on their doormat, I'm out of ideas. And that pisses me off even more.