No Car For You!

There's something about CraigList that brings out the biggest idiots and losers. Here's the most recent correspondence in my quest to sell my Explorer. We'll call the guy "Mr. Smith".

Smith: i will by now cash r money order

[yes, he really uses a 24-point font]

Me: Sounds good, but don't you want to test-drive it first?

[2 days later]

Smith: what car did u have i looked at a bunch

Me: '98 Explorer

Smith: i cant find it where is it at on there

Me: [sent him the link]

Smith: im about to call u

[My phone never rang]

Smith: well we need to talk about the price its 98 limited 3500 but i got one more car 2002 xlt suv for 5600urs is nice but 10 years old we can talk about that price go on craigslist

[At this point, I'm starting to realize that I may be dealing with someone of less than average intelligence]

Me: Feel free to make an offer, but I don't have a whole lot of room to move. I've already got it listed $1500 less than book value.

Smith: let me think real quick that is a sexy name

[OMFG. What the hell?]

Me: What are you talking about? I'm a dude, and I highly doubt you'd find me sexy.

Smith: i got to find a bank of america do u know where 1 is

[OK, so he just totally blew off the fact that he thinks I have a sexy name. Anyway...]

Me: No.

Smith: well i can tell u what i can pay but i can write a check show u my balance in my checking and hold title until it clears but i need a recipt to show how much i wrote r i got to find a bank of america

[Yeah, because I REALLY want to take a check from you]

Me: Sorry, but I can only accept cash or a money order. What is your offer?

Smith: 2500

Me: No

Ugh. Clearly, you are an illiterate moron, and should head over to one of those "no credit, no problem" dealerships.