Fashion Tips For Teenagers

Yeah, I've become "that guy". I can't walk around the mall anymore without thinking, "Man, that kid sure looks stupid." Here's some tips for kids who have ambitions of someday securing gainful employment:

• Don't pop your collar. If the compulsion is simply too strong, wear a t-shirt.
  
• 14-year-old chubby kids don't make enough money to warrant wearing a XXXL sweatshirt with dollar bills on it.
  
• Dammit, does your hat have dollar bills on it, too? Stop that.
  
• Take the sticker off your hat and curve the bill. You look like a retard.
  
• Stop wearing girl pants if you aren't a girl.
  
• Wearing giant, clunky shoes with tight pants makes you look like a clown. Not an ass-clown, but like a real bozo clown. It's just silly.
  
• Get a haircut.
  
• If you haven't hit puberty yet, stop trying to grow a mustache. It looks like renegade pubes.
  
• Get some sun. I've seen albinos with a better tan.