Wedding Suckage.

I used to like weddings. It was an excuse to dress pretty and get fucked up. Why aren't they fun anymore?

One of my wife's co-workers got married on Saturday, and I was informed that this would be "the fanciest wedding we've ever been to", and that I was expected to wear a suit. Of course, we show up and I'm the only tool wearing a fucking suit.

I nearly fell asleep during the Catholic wedding ceremony. The priest was droning on and on about Hershey's Kisses or some shit...whatever, it was the absolute worst wedding speech (Homily? Whatever it's called) I've ever heard. The bride and groom had only met the priest that morning. How special!

Now we get into the logistics of a wedding reception. If you get married at 2:00, it is a bad idea to have dinner at 6:00. People get bored. Really, really bored. Also, the bar should be open during and immediately following dinner. People do not want to stand around drinking for 3 hours prior to dinner, only to have the bar close. They sober up, get headaches, get tired, and go home.

And when did the trend of grooms giving 30-minutes speeches during dinner start? Shut up! At least the bridesmaids kept their speeches short. Then the microphone battery died, sparing us any more suffering.

By the time the dance finally started...6 hours after the wedding...more than half the guests had already gone home and everyone else was complaining about paying $7.00 for a domestic beer.

I just wanted to get out of my fuckin' suit. I had brought other clothes - YAY! But the pants were too small - BOO. Awesome. What's more uncomfortable than a suit? Tight pants.

All told, we were out of there by 9:30, and the only reason we stayed that late was because we wanted the kids to be asleep when we got home.